constant

My husband has a friend that has been sober for 13 years, they ride together, but recently the friend started drinking again. His problem was never really alcohol....cocaine, but alcohol was the 1st step back in that direction. I am happy to say that after a few weeks, months of backslide he has started back to AA and is back on the right track.

I had a phone conversation with him and congratulated him, then I made the comment I wished that my husband would go.....of course I followed that with I know that no one can make him do it he has to choose on his own......well he told my husband
It didn't go over well......I got blessed out and told that alcoholics are worthless people who can't pay their bills and bad fathers...etc, etc. I tried to speak back, but got all flustered and just froze up......he went to bed.

I decided to write a lengthly letter explaining my feelings....since I don't express them very well....except anger!!! I tried to tell him AA was a different way of thinking.....not just for "loosers" as he put it. I told him about all the things that had hurt my feelings recently and how I knew I acted like a butt instead of telling him how I feel. I also apologized for hurting his feelings and made it clear that was not my intention....for whatever it was worth.

Is this a step? It made me feel better.

Blessings,
Constant

liddy

I think you did very well!
Admiting we are wrong is a big step.
Your husband still carries a belief about what a true alcoholic is
to him.(I had some notions myself before the program)- we already know it is no respector of persons, and some are fortunate enough in earlier stages to still function.
His HP will work out what needs to be worked out in his timing.
How freeing for us!
all we have to do is keep working on ourselves.
hugs
liddy

Gabe

In the past, my ex-A was never a believer in AA. His last bout in rehab was his wake-up call. He now attends 4-5 meetings a week, has a sponsor and a network of AA friends that he talks to on a daily basis. I think the fellowship of AA is a miracle and I am happy for every alcoholic who has found help and recovery in it. Sometimes those who have no use for AA find out later on that it can save them from themselves. My ex-A is in the best physical, emotional and spiritual shape that he's been in...well...ever. I was just telling him this weekend how grateful I am for that. This time last year, he was beginning his descent into hell.
Peace,
Gabe

constant

Thanks Gabe!

I hope that someday he will be more open to the idea, but right now he doesn't even think he has a problem.....or so he said. He is still confused with the stigma of being an alcoholic and believes that you have to be completely in the gutter to be an alcoholic. I pray he opens his eyes and sees and then maybe AA will be something he will try.

(He said he HAS been to AA.....I don't know when or with who, we've been married 15 years and this is the 1st I've heard of it)

Blessings,
Constant

bubblze30

If he replied in that manner with all that anger he is not ttally accepting to his alcoholism aor whatever addiction he has. You have to be very careful on what you say to anyone. Iv'e learned that the hard way. Some are sicker then others. I will however (if I were you) give him the note tell him its just a suggestion and leave it as is. As long as you are working on yourself this is all you have to worry about. We unfortionatley can not change anyone else but our selves.

constant

Thanks Bubblze.....I am the queen of opening my mouth and inserting my foot......I have a big mouth and generally whatever comes to my mind comes flying out of it before I have the time to think about it....I am working on it, but it could take YEARS!!!

Love your pink....how do you do that?

Blessings
Constant

bubblze30

Before you type your post simply click on the color arrow. Then pick a color a box will appear for your massage. Type your messae in that box when you are finished type ok then cleck the key to send the post and it will say the color at the begining of your post
and at the end it will sa or something like that then you will see your message in the color of your choice. Hope this helped if not pm me and I will try to explain better. good luck it does make some of the posts more chearful

constant

I am trying it to see what happens....did it work?

constant

oooops.....guess I'll have to try again later.....I have to go pick my son up from school......THANKS