LaTeeDa

I didn't want to hijack Elsie's thread, but I can't stop thinking about this topic today.

TC posted a passage that explained how A's see themselves as "special," and therefore the "normal" rules of life don't apply to them. I certainly see that in my AH.

But, I see it in me, too. In a totally different way. As a codependent and ACOA, I always felt like I was "different." But not in a good or special way, more like a freak-of-nature way.

So, terminal uniqueness applies to me as well. I always just figured I was somehow born without the "ability to be happy" gene or something like that. I felt hopelessly different.

I guess that's why calling myself codependent doesn't seem like a bad thing. It's common and quite curable. Unlike "unexplainable mutant weirdo." I'm not so different after all.

L

Ceres

Oh yeah, when I was an active alcoholic. I told myself I was right up there with the best of the totured artists (I'm an artist) Told myself that I'm entitled to be a drunk and nuts because I was an ARTIST!!!

barb dwyer

I still have my little 'back of my mind'
back burner suspicion
that I'm not ENOUGH like everyone else ....

and therefore obviously different ...

it's just something i've learned to ignore...
like a radio playing softly in the background.

wicked

barb,
our quirks may be different, (never mind what mine are) but i am on the same page with you here.

wicked

oh, oh, oh, i can play this too. LOL
i was depressed and if anyone was depressed they should drink right?
and even though i have no artistic talent, i like to think i understood van gogh.
because i can.
LOL

Thumper

I can really relate to that.

GiveLove

Feeling like a mutant weirdo was my burden, my pride, and my protection. At the same time that I fretted about it, I was also a little proud of it, not to mention the fact that by establishing this uniqueness (gosh, I started in my teens, I realize) I had carte blanche to do all kinds of terrible things to myself. After all, no one could ever truly love a mutant like me, so why not stay in the relationship with the unfaithful drug addict? It was better than the nothingness that MUST await me out there in the bigger world.

Giving up my mutancy (mutanthood? mutantism?) made me feel naked for a while.

P.S. Taking the Myers-briggs personality test was actually a huge eye-opener for me in my 20's, when I learned that my personality type only represents 1% of the population. Something about seeing the math behind my tendencies was comforting to me. I'm not a freak, I'm just an INFP

gerryP

Wicked!

yes, yes! I assumed people weren't down, disappointed, depressed, anxious, having a bad day, or good day (come to think of it) if they didn't drink. I mean really.....isn't that how EVERYbody copes? Nope. Thankd God, I don't do that anymore!

Do stick people count?

TakingCharge999

This reminded me of the song that goes "life is what happens while you are busy making your excuses"!

ElegantlyWasted

As best I can figure out we are all Unique, just like everyone else. We just have a problem with addiction and accordingly issues with a healthy balance in life. The things we have in common with our fellow humans gets lost in the egocentricism that is part of the addictive mindset. Our differences and commonality are what ultimately makes life a rich and rewarding experience if we make an effort to understand ourselves and others.

wanting

I think I've had the exact kind of terminal uniqueness that alcoholics have. You all didn't know what you were talking about because you didn't knoooowww hiiiiimmmm!!! A few months later, I felt compelled to start a "things people at SR were right about" thread.

nodaybut2day

I've definitely felt this, being an only child of an Asian father and a French-Canadian mother, stuck in between the Québécois, the Anglo-Canadian, and the Vietnamese cultures/languages...being a weirdo sci-fi/fantasy/horror fan, comic book collectin', convention going geek...I always felt like I never quite fit in anyplace. It still struggle with this.

What's more, after having been involved in several "failed" relationships (so said the perfectionist in me), I determined that I had some kind of genetic inability to love...the rationale behind this argument being that if I had just loved the other person "properly", or been more tolerant or whatever, it would have worked out.

LaTeeDa

Wow, there's a lot here for me to explore. I've identified many self-destructive behaviors in myself, but have only been able to vaguely identify the causes.

That word "protection" really zapped me. Definitely something to look at.

I think much is tangled up in this for me.

Self-sabotage, for one. Outside validation, for another. And that hard to explain fear that resides deep down that I will be "found out." That somehow my "lack of being normal" will be exposed. And then what will I do?

Time to dig out the journal again.

L

MissFixit

Givelove,

I am an ENFP. Although, I think my E is probably an I since my split. I have not regained any desire to go out and do social things like I once did.

Miss

LaTeeDa

INTJ here. I just looked it up. Only 1.5% of the population is INTJ and only .5% of females. Interesting.

L

barb dwyer

I do have to add here -
A dear friend (R.I.P) I knew in the Fellowship

actually DID name her daughter "Unique".

Now THAT .... is a rebel.

She was the only person who could stand up and say in all honesty...

that She was Unique.

GiveLove

Another tiny percentage-er, down in that 1-2% range. Not mutants! Just rare!

Freedom1990

I knew I was taking a chance reading this thread!

L, now you've given me something to look at.

Thumper

I just did a quick online thing. INTJ

I've done others and scored the same though.

GiveLove

One stubborn bit of damage that still resides in me, that's for sure.

On some level, somewhere, I can hear Barb D's radio playing softly in the background telling me that the people closest to me -- regardless of what my five senses are telling me -- may some day "find me out" and then they won't love me any more, and I will be alone, ostracized, exiled.

And seriously? If I knew who planted that seed in my head way back when, I would get in the hot tub time machine and go back and whack them with a bat What a terrible thing to do to a kid.