How to cope with my anger? Please advise
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 21
How to cope with my anger? Please advise
My AH has been sober since Jan 20. He has slowly been turning back into the guy I fell in love with, which is happy and amazing, even though he still tries to cope through manipulation and criticism from time to time.
I've been working on my anger (more like planet-destroying fury) and I am making improvements. However, I got stirred up again over AH's need to tell me what to do--how to load dishwasher, how to order pizza, and most of all, when I am to go to bed. The last one drives me insane, because when he was drinking he would always "forget" that we had a pleasant conversation during the day about not bossing me and scolding me like a child, and every single night more whining/nastiness about going to bed. Like I would want to get in the bed with someone like that. He didn't do it for a few weeks after he quit drinking but now he's back at it.
Anyhow, I've been working on releasing my anger rather than keeping it inside. On the way home from work (at night) I rode my bike and screamed my head off most of the way. I was still mad. I get home, and the usual going to bed business happens, except he's sober, and it's again about my selfishness and never thinking of anyone but myself (sound familiar?). I said I was angry and told him to STOP.
Okay, this morning I was still so angry that I sent him an email. The main thing that I have anger over is how I have been celibate for about 3 years because of his drinking. And we've only been married 4 1/2 years! And I am 38 now! So in the name of releasing my anger, I let him have it, about how I've been celibate for 3 years because I wouldn't cheat on him, and how could he possibly think he has the right to tell me what to do after that. And that he's been doing what he wanted, and I'm going to do what I want.
And guess what happened? He managed to make himself the center of attention again. He was "very disappointed in me" and "couldn't believe how you are so selfish when I am working so hard." I know that is code language for him being disappointed in himself, but it still hurts me.
Did I do something wrong? Was it better to get it out in the open, or to stuff it some more (I binge when angry). Should I say something like I do have a lot of anger to deal with, but I'm sorry I said it that way? But maybe I'm not sorry, maybe subconsciously I wanted to inflict some pain. I've had that same speech ready in my mind for months.
Outcome: I still feel like poop. Any advice as to getting myself back on track would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
dodecaphonic
I've been working on my anger (more like planet-destroying fury) and I am making improvements. However, I got stirred up again over AH's need to tell me what to do--how to load dishwasher, how to order pizza, and most of all, when I am to go to bed. The last one drives me insane, because when he was drinking he would always "forget" that we had a pleasant conversation during the day about not bossing me and scolding me like a child, and every single night more whining/nastiness about going to bed. Like I would want to get in the bed with someone like that. He didn't do it for a few weeks after he quit drinking but now he's back at it.
Anyhow, I've been working on releasing my anger rather than keeping it inside. On the way home from work (at night) I rode my bike and screamed my head off most of the way. I was still mad. I get home, and the usual going to bed business happens, except he's sober, and it's again about my selfishness and never thinking of anyone but myself (sound familiar?). I said I was angry and told him to STOP.
Okay, this morning I was still so angry that I sent him an email. The main thing that I have anger over is how I have been celibate for about 3 years because of his drinking. And we've only been married 4 1/2 years! And I am 38 now! So in the name of releasing my anger, I let him have it, about how I've been celibate for 3 years because I wouldn't cheat on him, and how could he possibly think he has the right to tell me what to do after that. And that he's been doing what he wanted, and I'm going to do what I want.
And guess what happened? He managed to make himself the center of attention again. He was "very disappointed in me" and "couldn't believe how you are so selfish when I am working so hard." I know that is code language for him being disappointed in himself, but it still hurts me.
Did I do something wrong? Was it better to get it out in the open, or to stuff it some more (I binge when angry). Should I say something like I do have a lot of anger to deal with, but I'm sorry I said it that way? But maybe I'm not sorry, maybe subconsciously I wanted to inflict some pain. I've had that same speech ready in my mind for months.
Outcome: I still feel like poop. Any advice as to getting myself back on track would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
dodecaphonic
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Quote; (( He managed to make himself the center of attention again. He was "very disappointed in me" and "couldn't believe how you are so selfish when I am working so hard." ))
Perhaps you could point out to him that working hard on his recovery, means he takes care of his side of the street only, and leaves your business alone.
Of course having your sex life with your husband dictated by a bottle of booze is very much ANGER making stuff, and no-one should be expected to just shrug it off and forget how miserable and totally unwanted it makes one feel. Don't see you did anything wrong in letting him know how you feel about this, tho men do not handle sex problems well, as they seem to think being male is something to do with what is hidden in their jocks.
Maybe you could let him know that you have to come to terms with a sober man, in recovery and that tho you love it, you still have some hassles from when he drank, that you need to handle.
Also let him know that one big hassle from that time, was him ordering you to bed, and when he does it now, you find it triggers you into anger.
Remind him that you are an adult, and do not need to be told when you must go to bed.
You may have to repeat yourself, but stick with it. A's have been the centre of our attention for so long that, even in recovery, they feel they deserve to still be there especially as they are "being good" now. Take it slowly to teach him the truth....that you are his partner, not his servant and you are going to be treated with respect.
God bless
Perhaps you could point out to him that working hard on his recovery, means he takes care of his side of the street only, and leaves your business alone.
Of course having your sex life with your husband dictated by a bottle of booze is very much ANGER making stuff, and no-one should be expected to just shrug it off and forget how miserable and totally unwanted it makes one feel. Don't see you did anything wrong in letting him know how you feel about this, tho men do not handle sex problems well, as they seem to think being male is something to do with what is hidden in their jocks.
Maybe you could let him know that you have to come to terms with a sober man, in recovery and that tho you love it, you still have some hassles from when he drank, that you need to handle.
Also let him know that one big hassle from that time, was him ordering you to bed, and when he does it now, you find it triggers you into anger.
Remind him that you are an adult, and do not need to be told when you must go to bed.
You may have to repeat yourself, but stick with it. A's have been the centre of our attention for so long that, even in recovery, they feel they deserve to still be there especially as they are "being good" now. Take it slowly to teach him the truth....that you are his partner, not his servant and you are going to be treated with respect.
God bless
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 21
Thanks guys. It helps just to know someone is thinking about me.
Stella- I am but he's not.
Jadmack25- he's not in "recovery." He just quit drinking. He's from eastern Europe and has a lot of hangups about therapy, antidepressants, 12-step, etc.
I come from a family where there wasn't drinking but my dad was 100% a "dry drunk." I have trouble telling what is normal behavior and what isn't.
Stella- I am but he's not.
Jadmack25- he's not in "recovery." He just quit drinking. He's from eastern Europe and has a lot of hangups about therapy, antidepressants, 12-step, etc.
I come from a family where there wasn't drinking but my dad was 100% a "dry drunk." I have trouble telling what is normal behavior and what isn't.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
"I'm purdy sure you're not the boss of me" ....
... works for me very often. People back off pretty well on that.
you know
it comes to the decision again doesn't it?
The decision that we're just not going to put up with it any more.
One thing you wrote about
that made me kinda cringe
was wehn you said you wrote him an email.
One thing I've had to learn
is that my words are as valueable as anyone else's.
I very RARELY speak in anger.
I have a way with words.... both in the light and in the dark.
I know for a fact I can do grevous harm with my words.
But I also learned
that writing something and sending it
is not exactly the courageous way.
Writing an email
then going and reading it TO him
or
maybe write it down
to get it straight in your head next time
but maybe think about
waiting until the anger is passed enough
that he can't trigger it up again
and sit down and have a talk
and TELL him what you're saying here.
Just because a decision doesn't center around him
doesn't automatically make the decision
a selfish one.
It's just a decision
that
he cannot profit from.
That's how *I* would try to handle it anyhow.
The world doesn't center around him drunk
and it won't center around him sober either.
That's something HE has to learn - not you.
... works for me very often. People back off pretty well on that.
you know
it comes to the decision again doesn't it?
The decision that we're just not going to put up with it any more.
One thing you wrote about
that made me kinda cringe
was wehn you said you wrote him an email.
One thing I've had to learn
is that my words are as valueable as anyone else's.
I very RARELY speak in anger.
I have a way with words.... both in the light and in the dark.
I know for a fact I can do grevous harm with my words.
But I also learned
that writing something and sending it
is not exactly the courageous way.
Writing an email
then going and reading it TO him
or
maybe write it down
to get it straight in your head next time
but maybe think about
waiting until the anger is passed enough
that he can't trigger it up again
and sit down and have a talk
and TELL him what you're saying here.
Just because a decision doesn't center around him
doesn't automatically make the decision
a selfish one.
It's just a decision
that
he cannot profit from.
That's how *I* would try to handle it anyhow.
The world doesn't center around him drunk
and it won't center around him sober either.
That's something HE has to learn - not you.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Originally Posted by barb dwyer 
Although the screaming on the bike part
was fun to imagine.
was fun to imagine.
I think you do have a right to speak your truth - especially to he whose behavior is the cause of it. But it sounds like he doesn't fight fair, and I am so gun-shy about being in fights right now. I seek calm and real, insightful words, and I don't relish having a fight with a dry drunk and enduring their nonsensical twisting and abuse.
That's where counseling where you could talk in front of a neutral party could be helpful.
Not that you can get him to go. It just would be nice.
I was celibate. And I was/am angry about it. Sex is a pretty basic thing to take away from somebody. And I think withholding it can be a power-trip, so this is pretty raw with me right now.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I am only now learnig and beginning to trust that
what I have to say does matter.
Does have importance in a greater scheme.
I don't mean to soud like I'm pushing
because Im not...
at the same time I can't WAIT for you
to get t this place
where it's okay to say - "you suck".
or - 'Now that you mention it - it *is* al about me."
what I have to say does matter.
Does have importance in a greater scheme.
I don't mean to soud like I'm pushing
because Im not...
at the same time I can't WAIT for you
to get t this place
where it's okay to say - "you suck".
or - 'Now that you mention it - it *is* al about me."
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Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Ah ha!!! Thanks honey, for clearing up that little fact for me.
Ok he is not drinking......no recovery program etc, ....has problems relating to getting advice and help from AA, counsellors and therapists. Not going to be told what to do by anyone. BUT has no trouble laying down the law to you.
If he "meddles" when you are cooking, try what I did. I handed RABF the spatula, told him that he could "finish this, not to let the marinade burn, I was going out to dinner."
Went to my room, quickly dressed and out I went, getting home at 10.30pm.
Now, if I say I want to buy something or do something, and he asks what for, my stock answer is...."because I wish to and it will please me."
Why does your AH want you to go to bed when he does?
Does he think you are his Teddy bear?
Is he afraid of the dark?
Is he scared some chap will steal you from him if he is asleep and you still up and alone.
Sorry if I come across as a snarly old bat, but it really bugs me when those with little to no self control, insist on control over others, especially the ones the A's need most.
God bless
Ok he is not drinking......no recovery program etc, ....has problems relating to getting advice and help from AA, counsellors and therapists. Not going to be told what to do by anyone. BUT has no trouble laying down the law to you.
If he "meddles" when you are cooking, try what I did. I handed RABF the spatula, told him that he could "finish this, not to let the marinade burn, I was going out to dinner."
Went to my room, quickly dressed and out I went, getting home at 10.30pm.
Now, if I say I want to buy something or do something, and he asks what for, my stock answer is...."because I wish to and it will please me."
Why does your AH want you to go to bed when he does?
Does he think you are his Teddy bear?
Is he afraid of the dark?
Is he scared some chap will steal you from him if he is asleep and you still up and alone.
Sorry if I come across as a snarly old bat, but it really bugs me when those with little to no self control, insist on control over others, especially the ones the A's need most.
God bless
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
I haven't posted or read here in awhile but today I thought I need to be here.
I've been mad at my other half for awhile now, he's always telling me how to do things. How to cook bacon better, make a fire better, the proper way to stack wood(yeah, you should alternate stacking "types" of wood together and that I should just let him do it...who knew?), frying, giving baths to our son the right way, etc....
It's all stupid petty stuff that isn't worth most people saying anything over because it doesn't matter. To him though it does and he insists on saying it.
Makes me insane and PO'd.
I've been mad at my other half for awhile now, he's always telling me how to do things. How to cook bacon better, make a fire better, the proper way to stack wood(yeah, you should alternate stacking "types" of wood together and that I should just let him do it...who knew?), frying, giving baths to our son the right way, etc....
It's all stupid petty stuff that isn't worth most people saying anything over because it doesn't matter. To him though it does and he insists on saying it.
Makes me insane and PO'd.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 21
I do have a whole lot of stuff in the "angry box" but I'm thinking maybe that wasn't what was the real problem...
I think it's more that he was ignoring me in favor of alcohol, and now that he's out of that he's ignoring me in favor of his job. I'm still lonely! I know he has a lot of responsibility, and is probably behind with things if he was as alco-dumb there as he was here... but who has to work 12 hrs a day and then come home and work more? All day Saturday and Sunday at home in front of the computer too? If he's feeling ashamed of himself for the drinking maybe he is too embarrassed to face me. My doc says I need to interact with more people, more friends. But I don't want a roommate, I want a husband!
I sent him an email because he often mishears what I say as being much worse than what I actually said. And you know how it is to try to argue with a drunk.
In any case the angry box exploded--I didn't say anything untrue, but it was a very harsh truth. I know I'm an adult and I can do and say what I please when I please, and I'm entitled to screw it up now and then... but it's hard for me. I grew up trying to say just the right thing at the right time to avoid the nastiness. I find myself asking permission for the dumbest things.
Your concern and advice are a great comfort. Thanks all!
I think it's more that he was ignoring me in favor of alcohol, and now that he's out of that he's ignoring me in favor of his job. I'm still lonely! I know he has a lot of responsibility, and is probably behind with things if he was as alco-dumb there as he was here... but who has to work 12 hrs a day and then come home and work more? All day Saturday and Sunday at home in front of the computer too? If he's feeling ashamed of himself for the drinking maybe he is too embarrassed to face me. My doc says I need to interact with more people, more friends. But I don't want a roommate, I want a husband!
I sent him an email because he often mishears what I say as being much worse than what I actually said. And you know how it is to try to argue with a drunk.
In any case the angry box exploded--I didn't say anything untrue, but it was a very harsh truth. I know I'm an adult and I can do and say what I please when I please, and I'm entitled to screw it up now and then... but it's hard for me. I grew up trying to say just the right thing at the right time to avoid the nastiness. I find myself asking permission for the dumbest things.
Your concern and advice are a great comfort. Thanks all!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I grew up trying to say just the right thing at the right time to avoid the nastiness.
I think you put your finger onnit right with that sentence.
How do I know ?
Because I could have written it myself.
And you know what I've learned that is?
IT'S NOT BEING WHO WE REALLY ARE.
Then -
we expend so much energy keeping the boat from rocking....
we get tired
we get frustrated...
then - WE GET ANGRY.
wow.
thanks for that. I can see that one clear as a bell now.
*light bulb moment*
Huh.
I was not born with a bell on my head.
Therfomre I am not a 'rocker'stopper.'
LOL!!!
*rocker-stopper*
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Posts: 741
Originally Posted by dodecaphonic
I do have a whole lot of stuff in the "angry box" but I'm thinking maybe that wasn't what was the real problem...
I think it's more that he was ignoring me in favor of alcohol, and now that he's out of that he's ignoring me in favor of his job. I'm still lonely! I know he has a lot of responsibility, and is probably behind with things if he was as alco-dumb there as he was here... but who has to work 12 hrs a day and then come home and work more? All day Saturday and Sunday at home in front of the computer too? If he's feeling ashamed of himself for the drinking maybe he is too embarrassed to face me. My doc says I need to interact with more people, more friends. But I don't want a roommate, I want a husband!
I sent him an email because he often mishears what I say as being much worse than what I actually said. And you know how it is to try to argue with a drunk.
In any case the angry box exploded--I didn't say anything untrue, but it was a very harsh truth. I know I'm an adult and I can do and say what I please when I please, and I'm entitled to screw it up now and then... but it's hard for me. I grew up trying to say just the right thing at the right time to avoid the nastiness. I find myself asking permission for the dumbest things.
Your concern and advice are a great comfort. Thanks all!
I think it's more that he was ignoring me in favor of alcohol, and now that he's out of that he's ignoring me in favor of his job. I'm still lonely! I know he has a lot of responsibility, and is probably behind with things if he was as alco-dumb there as he was here... but who has to work 12 hrs a day and then come home and work more? All day Saturday and Sunday at home in front of the computer too? If he's feeling ashamed of himself for the drinking maybe he is too embarrassed to face me. My doc says I need to interact with more people, more friends. But I don't want a roommate, I want a husband!
I sent him an email because he often mishears what I say as being much worse than what I actually said. And you know how it is to try to argue with a drunk.
In any case the angry box exploded--I didn't say anything untrue, but it was a very harsh truth. I know I'm an adult and I can do and say what I please when I please, and I'm entitled to screw it up now and then... but it's hard for me. I grew up trying to say just the right thing at the right time to avoid the nastiness. I find myself asking permission for the dumbest things.
Your concern and advice are a great comfort. Thanks all!
I was 4 and a half years cellibate with my A because he lost his sex drive. Was sober for 2 years and it still didn't come back, nor was he bothered about it.
I was very angry, still am I guess but I figure being single and cellibate is a whole lot less painfull than being with someone and cellibate. Is it any wonder you're angry? You have nothing to be ashamed of. Even if he is working, putting effort into his recovery, that's good but that doesn't mean you should feel less angry and nor should he be trying to make you feel guilty for how you feel. Does he have plans to address the cellibacy? Does he acknowledge your feelings about anything?
With regards to the controlling thing, I found detaching helps. Do your own thing and please yourself. If you want to go to bed, then go to bed, so what if he gets annoyed, it's up to you. You can choose to let his words affect your mood or you can choose to not let them too.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Celibate ... is a celebration of self.
it's a CHOICE one makes in order to
affirm a relationship with the Inner Self as priority.
Celibacy is a focusing on the relationship of Self and Spirit.
One's OWN spirit.
What's being described here.... is not celibacy.
Just for clarity's sake I'm putting this in the ring.
What i'm seeing described here is a possible myriad of other thng.
Reluctance.
Witholding.
Neglect.
But not celibacy.
ok . Lecture over.
it's a CHOICE one makes in order to
affirm a relationship with the Inner Self as priority.
Celibacy is a focusing on the relationship of Self and Spirit.
One's OWN spirit.
What's being described here.... is not celibacy.
Just for clarity's sake I'm putting this in the ring.
What i'm seeing described here is a possible myriad of other thng.
Reluctance.
Witholding.
Neglect.
But not celibacy.
ok . Lecture over.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
How do you all always know what I need to hear??
Oh..
what??
is it not about ME?
Jadmack, anvil, can you please travel down here to this OLD TOWN some call "second largest city in the country" and talk to "other half"? I am willing to pay for your plane tickets to say exactly what you have written here.
Hey dodecaphonic, I was you and after an alcoholic now I am totally hostile with other half. I am usually so fed up of not being able to RELAX at HOME that sometimes I wonder if "I am too sensitive" or "overreacting" when I indeed stop doing things because other half would do them faster or the rice should be left more time etc etc.
Other half also wants my life to run around his schedule. So bad that today I want to avoid him so I prefer to stay in the office and spend my friday afternoon working ughh.
- if he is driving and gets bored he calls me even if I have told him to send a msg as I am tech support and DUH I spend most of my time doing CALLS. doesn't he have OTHER friends?
- when he is ready for bed he starts asking me to go with him and thanks Jadmack I'll tell him I'll lend him my teddy bear. he asks for me to read him a story... yup like a KID..
It is exhausting to live trying to defend yourself all the time. I am just too angry lately.. and I get what you say for asking permission for the dumbest things... in my case I don't ask permission but I do stuff "out of care or love" then I find I got resentment because I get nothing in return......
Pass the "codie no more" book and the chocolates please
PS Other half is not even alcoholic so to me its more about CONTROL and POWER than anything else...
Oh..
what??
is it not about ME?
Jadmack, anvil, can you please travel down here to this OLD TOWN some call "second largest city in the country" and talk to "other half"? I am willing to pay for your plane tickets to say exactly what you have written here.
Hey dodecaphonic, I was you and after an alcoholic now I am totally hostile with other half. I am usually so fed up of not being able to RELAX at HOME that sometimes I wonder if "I am too sensitive" or "overreacting" when I indeed stop doing things because other half would do them faster or the rice should be left more time etc etc.
Other half also wants my life to run around his schedule. So bad that today I want to avoid him so I prefer to stay in the office and spend my friday afternoon working ughh.
- if he is driving and gets bored he calls me even if I have told him to send a msg as I am tech support and DUH I spend most of my time doing CALLS. doesn't he have OTHER friends?
- when he is ready for bed he starts asking me to go with him and thanks Jadmack I'll tell him I'll lend him my teddy bear. he asks for me to read him a story... yup like a KID..
It is exhausting to live trying to defend yourself all the time. I am just too angry lately.. and I get what you say for asking permission for the dumbest things... in my case I don't ask permission but I do stuff "out of care or love" then I find I got resentment because I get nothing in return......
Pass the "codie no more" book and the chocolates please
PS Other half is not even alcoholic so to me its more about CONTROL and POWER than anything else...
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my response was going to be "dry drunk"
but you did name that in the second message you posted.
so you understand.
if you take a drunken horse thief and sober him up what will you have?
a sober horse thief.
i'm sorry you are living with this. it sounds positively oppressive. and i'm sorry i don't have any positive words, or advice.
do you have some strategies from the therapist's couch?
but you did name that in the second message you posted.
so you understand.
if you take a drunken horse thief and sober him up what will you have?
a sober horse thief.
i'm sorry you are living with this. it sounds positively oppressive. and i'm sorry i don't have any positive words, or advice.
do you have some strategies from the therapist's couch?
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 21
Thanks to all.
>>coffeedrinker: I do have some strategies for the criticism, most of which drive him nuts. For example, agreeing with him and with what he implies: "Good Lord you're right, I 'd eat us out of house and home if I could" or "Yeah, I just can't seem to put the dishes in the dishwasher the right way." (I would just THINK to myself, "We didn't cover that when I was getting my PhD.") I wouldn't do it with a sarcastic tone, but he always saw it like that. Or just blank repeating what he says, "So, you're saying I eat too much?" "So you're saying this shirt is too tight?" Basically different ways of not taking the bait.
So, to all: what is the moral difference (from our side of the experience) between someone who acts like a jerk because he's a jerk, and someone who acts like a jerk because he has the medical disease of alcoholism? Don't you still have a jerk in your life either way? And statistically, what are the chances of the person actually changing? What are chances of him becoming more sexually giving?
BTW, since my explosion of taking his inventory, he's been quite nice, and not telling me to do anything.
But also, I've gone back to eating sweets to anesthetize myself against anger and sadness at the general situation
Got to get back on track. Any advice?
>>coffeedrinker: I do have some strategies for the criticism, most of which drive him nuts. For example, agreeing with him and with what he implies: "Good Lord you're right, I 'd eat us out of house and home if I could" or "Yeah, I just can't seem to put the dishes in the dishwasher the right way." (I would just THINK to myself, "We didn't cover that when I was getting my PhD.") I wouldn't do it with a sarcastic tone, but he always saw it like that. Or just blank repeating what he says, "So, you're saying I eat too much?" "So you're saying this shirt is too tight?" Basically different ways of not taking the bait.
So, to all: what is the moral difference (from our side of the experience) between someone who acts like a jerk because he's a jerk, and someone who acts like a jerk because he has the medical disease of alcoholism? Don't you still have a jerk in your life either way? And statistically, what are the chances of the person actually changing? What are chances of him becoming more sexually giving?
BTW, since my explosion of taking his inventory, he's been quite nice, and not telling me to do anything.
But also, I've gone back to eating sweets to anesthetize myself against anger and sadness at the general situation
Got to get back on track. Any advice?
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 21
BTW, >>takingcharge999
I think when a person feels squeezed on all sides by another person's control, then every little thing becomes a battle. Even salting the soup or stirring the pasta represents a battle for emotional territory. It's hard to feel relaxed in that situation, no wonder you stay at work where people more or less have to behave themselves.
Can you set your phone to bounce him directly to voicemail during work hours, say it's "new company policy"? And also, I think there is actually only one drunk, and the rest are clones. Because they act so much just the same...
I think when a person feels squeezed on all sides by another person's control, then every little thing becomes a battle. Even salting the soup or stirring the pasta represents a battle for emotional territory. It's hard to feel relaxed in that situation, no wonder you stay at work where people more or less have to behave themselves.
Can you set your phone to bounce him directly to voicemail during work hours, say it's "new company policy"? And also, I think there is actually only one drunk, and the rest are clones. Because they act so much just the same...
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