addict sister has breast cancer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: new york
Posts: 11
addict sister has breast cancer
I've posted here a couple of times about my sister and my dad, and how mired down I've been in helping her and him deal with her addiction and its fallout. They haven't been speaking to me because I've refused to help drive her around and have started excluding sis from family functions. Dad wasn't speaking to me because of this. Well, just got a call from my Dad. They biopsied four lumps in her breast and she has cancer. She's known about the lumps for about 8 months, but she claims that because of various jail stints, nursing job losses and rehabs, that she either didn't have time or insurance, so she put if off until now. When I spoke to her to see how she was doing, she sounded high as a kite (turns out she was given vicoprofen? sic?) to deal with the pain of the biopsies. And a friend of hers who is nurse gave her several fentanil (sic?) patches for the pain as well. When I asked my Dad if he thought that was a good idea, he became irate and said that if I couldn't be supportive of sis and her ordeal, then I should leave them alone. This coming from the one who called me after not speaking for several weeks.
Now I don't know what to do. Things were going alot calmer for me without all of the drama and ugliness that comes along with her addiction. It was almost a relief to not have contact with them for the past few weeks. I know that sounds terrible, and I do feel guilty about it, but I have not idea what to do now. Help!!!!!!!!!
Now I don't know what to do. Things were going alot calmer for me without all of the drama and ugliness that comes along with her addiction. It was almost a relief to not have contact with them for the past few weeks. I know that sounds terrible, and I do feel guilty about it, but I have not idea what to do now. Help!!!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
What are your boundaries for you? Maybe if you clarify them - write them down, it will help you figure out exactly how involved you want to be with your family.
The hard part is sticking to them.
I never talk to my ex about drugs. If I believe he is using, it's up to me to set a boundary for myself not to talk to him. Not for me to draw a boundary about what drugs are and aren't appropriate for him to use (or quantities or anything like that.)
IF you want to be involved with your sister and your father, then I guess you need to accept them for who they are - drug abuse and all - and try to stay out of it.
IF she has cancer - it's pretty brutal - it hurts, it makes you sick, it's a horrible thing. I'm not saying she should get pills from friends or smoke crack for the pain, but what I am saying is you can expect her to be pretty doped up from here on out. (Not that that's any different than before the cancer.)
Remember you can't control this.
(((hugs))) I'm sure you are worried about her. I'm sorry to here about her cancer.
The hard part is sticking to them.
I never talk to my ex about drugs. If I believe he is using, it's up to me to set a boundary for myself not to talk to him. Not for me to draw a boundary about what drugs are and aren't appropriate for him to use (or quantities or anything like that.)
IF you want to be involved with your sister and your father, then I guess you need to accept them for who they are - drug abuse and all - and try to stay out of it.
IF she has cancer - it's pretty brutal - it hurts, it makes you sick, it's a horrible thing. I'm not saying she should get pills from friends or smoke crack for the pain, but what I am saying is you can expect her to be pretty doped up from here on out. (Not that that's any different than before the cancer.)
Remember you can't control this.
(((hugs))) I'm sure you are worried about her. I'm sorry to here about her cancer.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((exsister)) - first of all, I'm sorry about your sister's diagnosis of breast cancer. However, it seems to me that she is using this as an excuse to rev up her using....I was an RN for years (prior to MY addiction ruining my career) and my aunt has had lumpectomies and did not need NEAR the medications your sister is taking for pain of biopsies.
It seems to me that she and your dad are only going to allow you to support her on THEIR terms, and that includes overlooking her addiction. I, personally, don't think I'd be able to do that. I hope that you have good support for YOU. Even when we do things that are right for us, when a loved one is an addict, it hurts.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It seems to me that she and your dad are only going to allow you to support her on THEIR terms, and that includes overlooking her addiction. I, personally, don't think I'd be able to do that. I hope that you have good support for YOU. Even when we do things that are right for us, when a loved one is an addict, it hurts.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
i'm sorry for your sister's diagnosis. mine changed the lives of my daughters, my abf, and myself.
as a breast cancer survivor (actually don't like that term, but oh well, it does describe)
i am bristling at the drug use.
i do realize that everyone is different, and that sister had four biopsies, but i have had two (different times) biopsies and took no narcotics either time. i may have had ibuprophen, but i think what i mainly used was ice packs. they are really small extractions of tissue, and it's only sore for a couple of days.
also: as for the notion that she will be doped up from here on out, a lot depends on that. first, is she stage 4? how progressed is the disease? is she having chemo or radiation or surgery? i had a bilateral mastectomy and after the first few days of morphine, then a few more of something like percoset, i was off drugs. for me, i'd rather have discomfort than be all doped up - i just don't like it. the pain simply was not that severe once i was back at home recouperating. and i had a scar clear across my abdomen (for reconstruction), plus the incisions where all the breast tissue was taken.
my opinion is that there is some pain, and some need for pain meds after major surgery, but there is no pain associated with chemo - you just feel like crap.
if this thing progresses, and metasticizes, i guess that's where the true pain is.
also, if this provides any comfort, most breast cancers are quite slow growing. if she has four, well, that complicates things. but this is quite treatable for a lot of folks.
i'm sorry you are dealing with a lot of emotions. your dad is obviously in a heap of denial. do not feel guilty. if you had been in constant contact, would she be any better today? no. so your guilt is not logical.
as a breast cancer survivor (actually don't like that term, but oh well, it does describe)
i am bristling at the drug use.
i do realize that everyone is different, and that sister had four biopsies, but i have had two (different times) biopsies and took no narcotics either time. i may have had ibuprophen, but i think what i mainly used was ice packs. they are really small extractions of tissue, and it's only sore for a couple of days.
also: as for the notion that she will be doped up from here on out, a lot depends on that. first, is she stage 4? how progressed is the disease? is she having chemo or radiation or surgery? i had a bilateral mastectomy and after the first few days of morphine, then a few more of something like percoset, i was off drugs. for me, i'd rather have discomfort than be all doped up - i just don't like it. the pain simply was not that severe once i was back at home recouperating. and i had a scar clear across my abdomen (for reconstruction), plus the incisions where all the breast tissue was taken.
my opinion is that there is some pain, and some need for pain meds after major surgery, but there is no pain associated with chemo - you just feel like crap.
if this thing progresses, and metasticizes, i guess that's where the true pain is.
also, if this provides any comfort, most breast cancers are quite slow growing. if she has four, well, that complicates things. but this is quite treatable for a lot of folks.
i'm sorry you are dealing with a lot of emotions. your dad is obviously in a heap of denial. do not feel guilty. if you had been in constant contact, would she be any better today? no. so your guilt is not logical.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Yep, I'm bristling at the drug use too. Especially the *friend* who is giving her drugs.
She is NOT being a friend. Will make it difficult for the people who are caring for her to assess her pain and help her.
But purr is right- I've never seen it either.
She is NOT being a friend. Will make it difficult for the people who are caring for her to assess her pain and help her.
But purr is right- I've never seen it either.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Back in February, you wrote:
"Anyway, my sister loves to visit doctors.
This year alone she's been prescribed (spellings may be incorrect) fioricet, prozac, klonopin and several other drugs for migraines, depression, prednisolone, ambien. Again, this is only this year, and by that I mean 2010."
So here it is March and she now claims she has breast cancer and that a friend is giving her several Fentamyl patches for the pain of the biopsy.
Fentanyl is a narcotic and 100 times more potent than morphine....not the sort of drug that is prescribed for the potential " discomfort" of a biopsy.
The whole deal sounds more like an addict's story than reality. That she says she has breast cancer may or may not be the truth. That a friend, a nurse, gave her a supply of Fentanyl patches for the discomfort associated with biop may or may not be the truth. Addicts often acquire and suck on used patches to get high.
What are her treatment options? Who is going to pay for it? Is dad giving her money out of pocket to " help out"?
I have no idea what's really going on here, other than the story does not add up.
"Anyway, my sister loves to visit doctors.
This year alone she's been prescribed (spellings may be incorrect) fioricet, prozac, klonopin and several other drugs for migraines, depression, prednisolone, ambien. Again, this is only this year, and by that I mean 2010."
So here it is March and she now claims she has breast cancer and that a friend is giving her several Fentamyl patches for the pain of the biopsy.
Fentanyl is a narcotic and 100 times more potent than morphine....not the sort of drug that is prescribed for the potential " discomfort" of a biopsy.
The whole deal sounds more like an addict's story than reality. That she says she has breast cancer may or may not be the truth. That a friend, a nurse, gave her a supply of Fentanyl patches for the discomfort associated with biop may or may not be the truth. Addicts often acquire and suck on used patches to get high.
What are her treatment options? Who is going to pay for it? Is dad giving her money out of pocket to " help out"?
I have no idea what's really going on here, other than the story does not add up.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by exsister 
Now I don't know what to do. Things were going alot calmer for me without all of the drama and ugliness that comes along with her addiction. It was almost a relief to not have contact with them for the past few weeks. I know that sounds terrible, and I do feel guilty about it, but I have not idea what to do now. Help!!!!!!!!!
imo, you have to do what is best for you to do. there is nothing you can do about your sister's addiction, her cancer or your dad. try not to feel guilty for wanting to protect yourself from all the drama. i say turn them both over to their hp and keep the focus on you and what you need to do to keep your life as calm and serene as possible. you and your family are in my prayers.
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