Got that "GUT" feeling. OH NO.
Jujubee Queen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Got that "GUT" feeling. OH NO.
Hi everyone,
Well, it seems like youngest son, age 31, and his GF are going through tough times right now. About 4 1/2 years ago, he was using cocaine, and whatever he could find,I think, did a stint in lock down rehab, and went to jail for 3 months.
All seemed well, and good. Maybe. How can we know for sure?
Met this new gal, we just love her, and they moved in together, and now have been together for 5 years.
Last Sat. he didn't come home, and from what I hear does this occasionally.
He was waiting on a job, which we encouraged, we knew the guy offering the job, gave notice at his present job 2 weeks before leaving, (the new job was in Florida) and then the job fell through.
So......we helped him with the rent, and paid his car payment.
NOW, after heating from the GF of his antics, I told him yesterday the bank is closed.
So, here I am sitting in the back row eating popcorn.
Really breaks my heart if they go their separate ways, we really love this girl, but she most likely deserves much more.
I just have the feeling he's using.
Doesn't want anyone to tell him what to do.
Doesn't come home all night.
Sneaky
Deceptive.
Kind of beligerant
You all know how it goes.
Well, it seems like youngest son, age 31, and his GF are going through tough times right now. About 4 1/2 years ago, he was using cocaine, and whatever he could find,I think, did a stint in lock down rehab, and went to jail for 3 months.
All seemed well, and good. Maybe. How can we know for sure?
Met this new gal, we just love her, and they moved in together, and now have been together for 5 years.
Last Sat. he didn't come home, and from what I hear does this occasionally.
He was waiting on a job, which we encouraged, we knew the guy offering the job, gave notice at his present job 2 weeks before leaving, (the new job was in Florida) and then the job fell through.
So......we helped him with the rent, and paid his car payment.
NOW, after heating from the GF of his antics, I told him yesterday the bank is closed.
So, here I am sitting in the back row eating popcorn.
Really breaks my heart if they go their separate ways, we really love this girl, but she most likely deserves much more.
I just have the feeling he's using.
Doesn't want anyone to tell him what to do.
Doesn't come home all night.
Sneaky
Deceptive.
Kind of beligerant
You all know how it goes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
awwww, (((Moose))) - I hate when you get your gut feelings about your boys 'cause you're usually right. I'm hoping you're not, but I'm glad you closed "the bank" and are sitting in the back row.
If he's gone back out, I hope he finds his way back quickly.
Hugs and prayers to you all!
Amy
If he's gone back out, I hope he finds his way back quickly.
Hugs and prayers to you all!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 56
Moose,
I am sorry! I hate those darn "gut feelings'- they are so disruptive to our serenity aren't they? I know you know what to do- and you are already doing it. Take care of yourself....and I will pray that your son will latch back onto sobriety- he has had it before- he knows how much better his life is with it...
Hugs,
I am sorry! I hate those darn "gut feelings'- they are so disruptive to our serenity aren't they? I know you know what to do- and you are already doing it. Take care of yourself....and I will pray that your son will latch back onto sobriety- he has had it before- he knows how much better his life is with it...
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: buffalo ny
Posts: 167
NOW, after heating from the GF of his antics, I told him yesterday the bank is closed.
YES!!! GOOD FOR YOU!
So, here I am sitting in the back row eating popcorn.
YES!!! DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THE DRAMA!!
Really breaks my heart if they go their separate ways, we really love this girl, but she most likely deserves much more.
I just have the feeling he's using.
GOOD FOR YOU! TRUST YOUR GUT! LISTEN TO IT!
Doesn't want anyone to tell him what to do.
Doesn't come home all night.
Sneaky
Deceptive.
Kind of beligerant
You all know how it goes.
__________________
Yes, but unfortunately we are not always ready to do what we need to do to keep us sane and safe. BUT YOU DO! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
YES!!! GOOD FOR YOU!
So, here I am sitting in the back row eating popcorn.
YES!!! DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THE DRAMA!!
Really breaks my heart if they go their separate ways, we really love this girl, but she most likely deserves much more.
I just have the feeling he's using.
GOOD FOR YOU! TRUST YOUR GUT! LISTEN TO IT!
Doesn't want anyone to tell him what to do.
Doesn't come home all night.
Sneaky
Deceptive.
Kind of beligerant
You all know how it goes.
__________________
Yes, but unfortunately we are not always ready to do what we need to do to keep us sane and safe. BUT YOU DO! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
Jujubee Queen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hmmm...maybe they just had a tiff, and I'm over reacting.
I noticed on her Facebook page, she wrote dinner, and had a dish of crablegs, looked like she went out to dinner, so maybe it was a rough patch.
Time will tell.
I'm just not liking him too much, right now.
I noticed on her Facebook page, she wrote dinner, and had a dish of crablegs, looked like she went out to dinner, so maybe it was a rough patch.
Time will tell.
I'm just not liking him too much, right now.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Aww, Moose, I know how much you like this gal and hope it's just a tiff too. That said, I trust your gut, and I will keep them both in my prayers.
I must say, the back row seat is so much better than when we used to rush to grab front row and center. In the front row, you get their "stuff" on you, in the back row you can wait until the lights go down and slip out the back way to a meeting.
Share?
I must say, the back row seat is so much better than when we used to rush to grab front row and center. In the front row, you get their "stuff" on you, in the back row you can wait until the lights go down and slip out the back way to a meeting.
Share?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
More will be revealed - from my first Alanon sponsor - "you'll find out what you need to know without any scarfing around on your part".
But I know about those Mother gut instincts - and mine are usually right. Here's hoping he just hit a rough patch.
Love and prayers coming your way,
Jody Hepler
But I know about those Mother gut instincts - and mine are usually right. Here's hoping he just hit a rough patch.
Love and prayers coming your way,
Jody Hepler
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Big ole MOM HUGS coming your way Moose
praying that your son's HP reach out to him and that your son opens his heart and mind to that voice
also
asking for comfort and guidance for the girlfriend and for YOU!!
HUGS,
Rita
praying that your son's HP reach out to him and that your son opens his heart and mind to that voice
also
asking for comfort and guidance for the girlfriend and for YOU!!
HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Every single time I have those guts feelings, I'm right...I'm sorry if thats what your son is up to but your doing well. Enjoy the movie from the back seat and when you wonder outside...stay on your side of the fence. I'm praying for your son and GF that things work out well for all of you...Smiles, Bonnie
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
One thing I found out about my gut feelings was that I may not have the whole thing figured out, but I was right to listen to my gut when it said back off...Whether a tiff or a relapse, I think you are doing the right thing by sitting on your hands (except to eat the popcorn) and closing the bank. They have a road to journey on and we can just watch and pray and love them. Hugs...I am cheering for the resolved tiff, of course 
Jujubee Queen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hi all,
Thanks for your warm wishes and good advice.
GF called me today, and it seems like nothing happened.
Hmmm...she says he helped her clean house, and they went to dinner,
and all
seems well....
Time will tell.
Hugs and hugs.....
Thanks for your warm wishes and good advice.
GF called me today, and it seems like nothing happened.
Hmmm...she says he helped her clean house, and they went to dinner,
and all
seems well....
Time will tell.
Hugs and hugs.....
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Hey Moose,
Your friend, another mom here, with a gut (but let's not talk about it).
Sorry to hear that the gut alarm has gone off. Boy, how well do I know that one.
I'm praying it was just a little rift between them and all is okay. But you are so right...time will tell and there is nothing we can do about it. It's times like these where I have to get the focus back on me and making my life enjoyable. I've wasted too many years focusing on everyone else and trying to get them all in line. Just ticked me off when no one wanted to listen to my directions.
Love ya,
Hangin' In
P.S. Wish you lived closer. We'd work on our guts together and I mean that in the nicest way.
Your friend, another mom here, with a gut (but let's not talk about it).
Sorry to hear that the gut alarm has gone off. Boy, how well do I know that one.
I'm praying it was just a little rift between them and all is okay. But you are so right...time will tell and there is nothing we can do about it. It's times like these where I have to get the focus back on me and making my life enjoyable. I've wasted too many years focusing on everyone else and trying to get them all in line. Just ticked me off when no one wanted to listen to my directions.
Love ya,
Hangin' In
P.S. Wish you lived closer. We'd work on our guts together and I mean that in the nicest way.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
hi moose. just sending you a gentle hug, lots of love and a prayer.
of course. of course. i know the time will tell thing. been there and done that too. just wanted to send you support and let you know i still love love love the elderly gf. lol
of course. of course. i know the time will tell thing. been there and done that too. just wanted to send you support and let you know i still love love love the elderly gf. lol
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
A case of the "what ifs" happens because we've been down this road before.
They served a purpose because they got you to shut down the " Bank of Mooselips"
Have faith that he can keep it together.
They served a purpose because they got you to shut down the " Bank of Mooselips"
Have faith that he can keep it together.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Moose,
I haven't been around much and I missed this thread! I hope that your son and his GF will work things out, if that's what's meant to be.
I know about the mom-gut. I have learned to listen to mine as it's much more on target than my heart is. I've been slowly helping my younger son a bit with finances, but I tend to pay directly to the organization (the university he's attending, and one he's applying to) rather than send money to him. It's a compromise I can live with, ya know?
I'm so glad you were able to get up and move to the back row. LIke Ann said, it's easier to sneak out and grab a meeting!
Lots of hugs and love from mom to mom.
I haven't been around much and I missed this thread! I hope that your son and his GF will work things out, if that's what's meant to be.
I know about the mom-gut. I have learned to listen to mine as it's much more on target than my heart is. I've been slowly helping my younger son a bit with finances, but I tend to pay directly to the organization (the university he's attending, and one he's applying to) rather than send money to him. It's a compromise I can live with, ya know?
I'm so glad you were able to get up and move to the back row. LIke Ann said, it's easier to sneak out and grab a meeting!
Lots of hugs and love from mom to mom.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Moose
Gosh, I'm sorry about all this! Of course sometimes we overreact because we've been through so much, and always expect the worse.
I know when my son is fighting with his gf (whom I like very much too) I feel sick to my stomach! However, last time this happened on Jan. 1st and he called me at 7:30 AM yelling and screaming about whatever, I told him in no uncertain terms to NEVER, NEVER, involve me again in his chaos!
Since that time, I'm sure they have arguments (mostly his fault) he doesn't tell me anything, 'cause I don't want to know.
The reason we shouldn't know is because we get all upset and start thinking all the "what if's" and the next thing you know they're fine, and we've aged another 10 years!
I'm hoping that this is just one of those times with your son and his gf. However, I would not, and I repeat, not, pay anything for them anymore. This will not ever let him get on his feet (don't I know that!). Unfortunately, the gf will suffer along with him, or she will move on. Who knows?? All I'm saying is you know how much we love to jump in and make it alright for our kids, but comes a time when we have to put a hault to our CODIE behavior, and let them suffer on their own!
Oh, incidentally Moose, I know all about the GUT thing! That's what keeps me from "jumping" back in the fire with my son! When I want to help him out, I say to myself "self, what if you were not here, what would he do to help himself?" Then go about my business.
I'm thinking of you always, and praying till I have sores on my knees!!
Hugs, Devastated
n
I know when my son is fighting with his gf (whom I like very much too) I feel sick to my stomach! However, last time this happened on Jan. 1st and he called me at 7:30 AM yelling and screaming about whatever, I told him in no uncertain terms to NEVER, NEVER, involve me again in his chaos!
Since that time, I'm sure they have arguments (mostly his fault) he doesn't tell me anything, 'cause I don't want to know.
The reason we shouldn't know is because we get all upset and start thinking all the "what if's" and the next thing you know they're fine, and we've aged another 10 years!
I'm hoping that this is just one of those times with your son and his gf. However, I would not, and I repeat, not, pay anything for them anymore. This will not ever let him get on his feet (don't I know that!). Unfortunately, the gf will suffer along with him, or she will move on. Who knows?? All I'm saying is you know how much we love to jump in and make it alright for our kids, but comes a time when we have to put a hault to our CODIE behavior, and let them suffer on their own!
Oh, incidentally Moose, I know all about the GUT thing! That's what keeps me from "jumping" back in the fire with my son! When I want to help him out, I say to myself "self, what if you were not here, what would he do to help himself?" Then go about my business.
I'm thinking of you always, and praying till I have sores on my knees!!
Hugs, Devastated
n
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