barb dwyer

Shire pulled up an old thread
written by an alcoholic's widow.
It's a very very powerful thread
and it reiterates what is written here.

so it started out as this:

Alcoholism only has the one outcome, Shire.

It's a terminal condition that can be treated but never cured.
It infects / affects / inflicts everyone around the person
Like a stone thrown into a still pond.

But when the focus is shifted
from the problem into the Solution...
When the energy, the dedication, the obsession
that is put into drinking
is put into recovery -
Alcoholism and alcoholics have the same effect
on the world around them.

We truly can become majickal beings.

And again -
as stones cast into a still pond -
we roar, float, crash, lap, and drift through life
touching everyone and everything with beauty.
With hope. With joy. With recovery. Repair. Renewal.
we absolutely affect everyone with
a fascination and enthusiasm for with life that few others have.

Because for us -
us alcoholics - us drunks ....
The sky is just a little bit blue-er than the one everyone else sees.
The grass is a million blades of green
and at the same time a single lawn.
A tree is a thousand leaves dancing in the wind
and at the same time
an ancient sentient being.
Our laughter is more free and sparkling with light.
And love is deeper and far more intense.

We are contagious in a healing way.

And for that -
I wouldn't trade being an alcoholic for anything.
For that continual baffling wonderment with this world.

When I have my little moments of clarity,
I ache a little bit for every fool who's loved me.
Because I've never known what I know now.

And at the same time
I wouldn't take a single one of 'em back
for all the tea in China- although I lved every one of 'em.
In these flashing moments of clarity
I can see what I nightmare I am
when I'm not standing inside who I really am.
When I want YOU to make me better,
when I want YOU to take care of me...
when I want YOU ... to make me matter.
When I want YOU ... to make me see what you apparently see.

I'm at a place with my obsession however-
I'm beginning to see for myself
what they all saw in me.

And it ain't too dang bad.

Sadly, my new friend
not all of us alcoholics
can do what we you will meet in recovery have done.
Not all of us can turn everything around.

And that is what is meant when we sadly say
that some of us had to die
in order for others of us to live.

Are they, then
less worthy of love?
Less worthy... of OUR love?

And there begins the dance of the Codependent.

When you're with an alcoholic
you ... for a while on occasion
can also see this brighter world.
you can also feel this deeper intensity.
And feel the warmth of a brighter sun
beneath a larger sky.

It's why we love them.
It's for damn sure why we're addicted to them.



I'm not sure why that came out the way it did -
but I thoguht it was something a tad bigger than just another post on a thread.

Might have had a 'moment' there. LOL

Thanks for letting me share.

:ghug3

posiesperson

Wow barb...wow.

Thank you, and yup, that sums it up from the codie side (the one I can relate to) for sure. I will be forever grateful to my A for lessons learned and eyes being opened to new things, even the painful things.

posie

barb dwyer

Sorry it was four feet long - LMAO!

Learn2Live

Four feet of wonderful Barb Dwyer. Four feet of art. Thank you, that was beautiful.

Lenina

(((barb)))

Thank you for that! I'm going to print it out and reread from time to time and if I have your permission, I'd like to send it to a few recovering and a few struggling friends of mine. I won't use your name or say that I found it on SR, but I think it deserves a wider audience.

You, my dear friend, are a wonderful person with a way for words! Thanks again.

Much love,

Lenina

barb dwyer

And I gotta tell you all - if there was EVER a co-dependent song - this is it!

Johnny Cash - I don't Hurt Any More:

YouTube - Johnny Cash - I Don't Hurt Anymore

TRUST ME _ _ _ _ _ _ just sit quiet and listen to this.

I *HATE* country music but this - blew me completely away.

barb dwyer

He does another one with 9InchNails - called 'Hurt" that one will blow you away too.

And it AINT country - it's just GodAwful POWERFUL!

Kind_Not_Weak

Johnny Cash covering Nine Inch Nails's "Hurt". It made me cry when I first heard it, sometimes it still does.

YouTube - Johnny Cash Hurt

barb dwyer

I was complletely blown away by both tunes.

I still am. LOL!

It came on NPR the other day in their show 'freeforms' and I was just ... stunned.

When that song was over, I just reached over and turned the radio off.

It don't get no better than that.

I just had to have quiet - and think for a bit.

He has actually gotten better - after dying.

Kind_Not_Weak

Oh, Barb... you just got quite the chuckle out of me with...

"He has actually gotten better - after dying."

Thanks for that!