12stepnchick

I'm not even quite sure where to begin, it seems there is so much going on right now.

My health is constantly an issue, and several weeks ago I added Fibromyalgia to my list of ongoing health issues. This week it was a low Vit D level, concerns of Osteoporisis and another monthly med. I woke up today to find that I have gotten the sinus infection/cold that my mother has had for the past 3 weeks, I'm guessing from all the time I spend there. Today I can barely breath, have a sore throat, and the fibro has taken over the entire right side of my neck again.

My family of origin issues are as always-looming. My mother is elderly, in failing health and living alone, and though I see her daily as does my son, and run her errands and take her meals when I can, the bottem line is she is not going to be able to live alone much longer, and I have asked her to come stay with me as we are only miles apart, and it is a battle of wills so far.....so I continue to try to do the best I can to make her life bearable while most days I don't feel like even getting out of bed to live mine.

Work, where I have been for 13 years, has decided to make some "changes" and I'm not certain from day to day what my job is, who I report to, or if I'll have one when I show up the next day. To add insult to injury I am now "cross" training someone from another department to do my job-yet I'm told I am not going anywhere. The person they have me training is pretty much letting everyone within earshot know they want my job as the job they are in involves a lot more physical work, whereas mine is more intellectual. I see my coworkers in tears and anxious all the time, and it breaks my heart as there is nothing I can do.As I said after 13 years of devotion, I am struggle to find peace in a job that I actually love doing. I have a full week of training next week and cant take off any time sick though I have plenty of time.

Today.........I am beat. I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle of holding on and just wanting to give up altogether and admit defeat, kinda sad to do that in your 40's but I don't know that I have a fight left in me for any of this anymore. I am trying with everything I have to let go of the things I can not change, which is pretty much all of it, but it is sooooo hard when every major area of your life is affected at the same time and you are so physically ill that it affects your mental fight.

I really just need some prayers everyone and any ESH that you can share.....I am trying so hard to not give up on my program but I almost feel like if I can't give it 100% what's the point? And right now I am so overwelmed I can't give anything/anyone a 100%.

Impurrfect

((12stepn)) awww, sweetie, big hugs to you!! You've got a lot going on, and there's no way to tackle everything at once!

I know, for me, when I'm sick, everything else is magnified to huge proportions and I'm overly emotional. I've also usually BEEN sick, just too darned stubborn to admit it and my body finally says "that's it, I'm shutting down something so you HAVE to let me rest!!"

Is there someone else who can look after your mom for a few days so you can just get some rest and take care of you for the weekend? I don't know what to tell you about work...it sounds incredibly stressful, on top of everything else but I think you need to get you healthier to be able to deal with it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

coffeedrinker

i sorry you are so overwhelmed. it sounds like a stressful situation in the workplace. i wonder if that could exacerbate the fibro? would you be in a position financially to do a 3/4 time job - or would that not be an option at your place of work?

you sound just beat. if you could eliminate one thing i think it would help so much. do you truly have to call on your mother every single day? or do you do that because you want to.

barb dwyer

*hurling prayers of rest and humorous priority your way*

Stepnchick-
What's the point?!?!?!?!?
STAYING SOBER, that's the point!!!!!

Boy do I ever understand about being overwhelmed
and having life just keep piling on the stresses
like we're parked under some cosmic dump truck
as if we're still healthy.
I also understand about having health issues
and about having no one around you respecting that
you've not even had time to assess
what these new health issues really mean in your life
much less adjust your world to accommodate less energy
and more pain.

I can tell you without doubt or fear of contradiction from anyone -
life isn't going to stop happening.

But I can also tell you what I have learned -
and that is
that only you control
HOW you APPROACH these things in life.

For me -
I do all I can to force myself to cope
one trauma at a time.
One joke at a time.
one bully at a time.

And everyone here knows that sometimes
i just cvan't do it that way
and I proceed to freak and flop around
like a goldfish on the sidewalk
just like everyone else.

But I come here and lean on my friends.
And when they need me -
I let them lean.
So you go ahead and start leaning, friend.
It's why were here.

I will also tell you that
as someone who supposedly has 'fibro
I truly think this is some kind of blanket diagnosis
for when docs can't figure out
whats really making us sick.

One thing that made a HUGE energy difference with me
was my taking control of my ATTITUDE about the whole thing.
I put away self help books.
And bought comedy and satire.
I put away 'chick flicks' and horror flicks
and rented comedies and satire movies instead.

I know you might think I'm being flippant
and trite
but I'm swearing to you
that I believe the attention focusing on the humorous in life
even learning to appreciate the flavor of the ridiculous....

.... has made all the difference.

And then sometimes
we just need a good nap and a grilled cheese sammich.

I also stopped eating meat.

DesertEyes

Hello there 12stepnchick, and pleased to "meet" you

wow, you sure have a ton of stress going on, no wonder you're feeling so down. I sure would be if I had all that going on.

The only one that's supposed to get 100% is _you_. And only for today. That's what I learned in my chronic pain group, and when I remember that then all the rest of my life gets taken care of too.

that right there is a _huge_ burden. Fibro is not fun at all. I have a related disease called Autonomic Neuropathy and I know what an overwhelming problem it can be.

I went thru that too. My mom was in her late 80's when her third husband passed away. That woman has always had the willingnes to listen of a brick wall.

me ===> <=== mom

Funny thing happened. I stopped trying to tell her what to do with her life, and just agreed with her even though it was clearly insane. Whadya know, she called me one day to tell me she had moved into an "Extended care facility" all on her own. Now she's 96 and it's the nurses that she's got banging their heads against the wall

Yes it does. My physical condition seriously impacts my emotional attitude. That's one of the "challenges" of the "Dysautonomia" that you and I have. And it doesn't take much, either.

What I have learned is that there really is only _one_ thing I cannot change which needs adjusting. It's not my health I need to let go of, or my stubborn mom, or my contract-to-contract job, or my anorexic g/f. It's my _attitude_ of wanting to control it all.

when I stopped trying to force myself to be healthy, that's when I realized there is nothing wrong with being sick. In fact, a whole bunch of people started offering to help when I quit snarling at them.

When I stopped trying to force my mom to do what _I_ wanted her to, she was free to do what _she_ wanted to without looking like she was giving in to me. And we _both_ got what _we_ wanted. She got to be happy and so did I.

When I stopped trying to hang on to my old job that was going broke from the economy and signed up with a temp agency _before_ I got laid off I wound up with a long series of temp jobs. Whadya know, each one has been a _very easy_ job sitting a desk in the air conditioning which is _exactly_ what my poor health needs. I even get the choice, once in a while if I feel good enough, to go out in the field with the guys just for variety.

One of my doctors told me that the secret to winning the war against my illness is to only fight the battles that are worth winning. If I try to win _every_ little battle then I'll just loose the whole war.

I dunno about you, but for me there is only _one_ battle I have to win. That's the battle against my "codie-ism" that wants to be in charge of everything and have it all be _perfectly_ the way I fantasize it to be. When I let go of my fantasy that the economy is wonderful, that my body is infallible, that my mom will do what I tell her, then _I_ feel so much better.

Nothing changes in the world, what happens is that _I_ change in the world, and the world turns out to be just fine in spite of my foolish attempts at controlling it.

Hang in there 12stepnchick, just focus on today. You can worry about tomorow when it shows up next morning. That's what I do when my health takes a dip and it works for me. In the meantime we're all here for you. And yes, you and your mom and all your co-workers are in my prayers.

Mike

lee8

Special prayers for you.

The only thing I can add is that I am unable to give 100% to anything any more.

So, I give the best of what I can, even if it's 40% because the alternative of quitting altogether is more frightening than anything else I can imagine.

Be gentle with yourself.

~Holly