JuneBug

I dont get it. I just went through AH wallet, I dont know why I did it I just did and I found cards for methadone treatment clinics with times and dates on them, why woulnt he just tell me hes taking it instead of all this ******** lying crap going on! He mentioned it off handled during the week and then followed up with.....oh thats right you dont believe anything I say anyway......ok but if your trying to get someone to trust you it makes no sense to lie about this stuff.

eaglesgirl

eh... addicts lie. they lie about big things, small things, and everything in between.
when my rah first began his journey into recovery, he would lie about seeing someone in a meeting. why?... just cause they do. it's almost like they like to hear themselves talk...

do know this... it DOES get better. actively working a program, they will begin to learn to live life on lifes terms. the lieing will cease, actions become the focus, and they get well.

it takes work on their part, and by doing so, trust is re-gained. it takes time... i think it was almost two years before i completely trusted my rah with money, bills, all the "normal" things...

just sit back, focus on you, time will tell...

Freedom1990

Even if there were a satisfactory answer to your question, would that change what he's doing?

lightseeker

my husband has almost 5 years of sobriety and his default mode still is to lie - about STUPID stuff even. He lived his entire life that way and it was just the way he rolled. He strives to be more honest but it certainly isn't something that comes naturally to him. I want to trust him completely but he hasn't earned that right at this point.

Trust is earned and not given. No amount of understanding of "why" someone lies will change the reality of the lie. I can live around my husband but there are still a whole lot of things that I don't trust him with yet - namely my heart.

totfit

Course there is NOTHING wrong with going through someone's wallet.

JuneBug

anvilhead I just wanted to respond to your post, I was upset because he lied and made no attempt to show me he was trying to help himself. To me if I was trying to gain someones trust back I would talk to them, bring them to where I was going so that they could see for themselves what is happening so that it takes out the lies, hurt feelings and confusion of the situtation and then I would know that I was making an effort to gain my spouses trust and begin to build that back up. Instead he maintains i have no right to be angry, he hasnt hurt anyone but himself, if I am hurt its because I couldn't let things go and mind my own buisness.

What I am doing to focus on myself is minding my own buisness, go to therapy, spending time with my friends, listening to myself, reading, walking, eating right, minding my own buisness, minding some more of my own buisness and having some tea every day.

outtolunch

Where exactly does going through his wallet fit into minding your own business? ( been there/done that too many times)