Pushed the button......
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Pushed the button......
Update:
So a few months ago I have some issue I need to ask by phone and discover my chosen divorce site is not good with that, they work better from email. So I had to wait. So a few weeks ago , I go to complete what needed to be completed on the divorce site as everything had been agreed upon between me and stbxah. Their server is down. Last night I wanted to complete it . The server connection went down when i was on their site. I go on this morning, still down. Finally, it comes back up... finally I push the button that I have completed all information. ( You could sit down prepared and do this is an hour tops.) Now according to the internet divorce site company I wait a few days to get anything I did wrong or they need to know corrected, then they send me papers that I bring to the court house. ( said I would get them in 1 to 2 weeks) I was told could probably get a court date anywhere between 1 to 3 months for the divorce. ( was told it depends on how full they are with divorce cases.)
All the bills are in my name for the house, I did the quit deed claim myself and it's notarized and filed so now the taxes are all in my name which makes the house mine. I will get the mortgage switched over to just me when and if I can. The shared accounts are closed and new individual ones opened. Credit cards paid off and closed, individual ones opened, car paid off. He will leave debt free with a paid off car, our bedroom set and almost whatever else he wants from the house. ( enough furniture to set up a whole household) I will have the house, most of the 'stuff', the mortgage and have to move in renters so that I can pay that mortgage. ( I am not underwater, the house is worth more then I owe.)
So, finally I pushed the computer button on the divorce paper work.( If anybody wants to talk about the divorce experience of doing it with no lawyers over the computer I will share as I think I might be the only one here who has/ is doing it this way.)
He is no longer telling me I am throwing away our marriage. Now he is telling me "it is not greener on the other side." His do,do,do personality is still missing the balance of the big relational picture. He is still drinking and getting drunk and wiling to cross into abusive behavior if the 'moodiness' strikes him. He works, he cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, paper work and watches a little tv, spends sometime with the boys. I work, I help with the laundry a little, help with house cleaning a litle, I play on the computer, I spend time and follow up with the boys, ( I don't need to cook), I go work out everyday and am trying to get back to a normal balance of life in interactions with others. I believe he will not move out until the day the court day gets set for. He knows that as soon as he moves out i will have to move in renters.
Soooo.... I will be trying to do something everyday to a have the house ready to move in renters.
My son is doing wonderful, all healed up. The tumor removed and the at least 12 inch cut is now totally healed. His spirits are up.
At this moment: I am not feeling like I did the wrong thing, the selfish thing or have dishonored God because of divorce. I feel free of anxiousness, like I just moved ahead and God is for me. I feel free and calm. I know what I have just done what I needed to do. I have peace.
So a few months ago I have some issue I need to ask by phone and discover my chosen divorce site is not good with that, they work better from email. So I had to wait. So a few weeks ago , I go to complete what needed to be completed on the divorce site as everything had been agreed upon between me and stbxah. Their server is down. Last night I wanted to complete it . The server connection went down when i was on their site. I go on this morning, still down. Finally, it comes back up... finally I push the button that I have completed all information. ( You could sit down prepared and do this is an hour tops.) Now according to the internet divorce site company I wait a few days to get anything I did wrong or they need to know corrected, then they send me papers that I bring to the court house. ( said I would get them in 1 to 2 weeks) I was told could probably get a court date anywhere between 1 to 3 months for the divorce. ( was told it depends on how full they are with divorce cases.)
All the bills are in my name for the house, I did the quit deed claim myself and it's notarized and filed so now the taxes are all in my name which makes the house mine. I will get the mortgage switched over to just me when and if I can. The shared accounts are closed and new individual ones opened. Credit cards paid off and closed, individual ones opened, car paid off. He will leave debt free with a paid off car, our bedroom set and almost whatever else he wants from the house. ( enough furniture to set up a whole household) I will have the house, most of the 'stuff', the mortgage and have to move in renters so that I can pay that mortgage. ( I am not underwater, the house is worth more then I owe.)
So, finally I pushed the computer button on the divorce paper work.( If anybody wants to talk about the divorce experience of doing it with no lawyers over the computer I will share as I think I might be the only one here who has/ is doing it this way.)
He is no longer telling me I am throwing away our marriage. Now he is telling me "it is not greener on the other side." His do,do,do personality is still missing the balance of the big relational picture. He is still drinking and getting drunk and wiling to cross into abusive behavior if the 'moodiness' strikes him. He works, he cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, paper work and watches a little tv, spends sometime with the boys. I work, I help with the laundry a little, help with house cleaning a litle, I play on the computer, I spend time and follow up with the boys, ( I don't need to cook), I go work out everyday and am trying to get back to a normal balance of life in interactions with others. I believe he will not move out until the day the court day gets set for. He knows that as soon as he moves out i will have to move in renters.
Soooo.... I will be trying to do something everyday to a have the house ready to move in renters.
My son is doing wonderful, all healed up. The tumor removed and the at least 12 inch cut is now totally healed. His spirits are up.
At this moment: I am not feeling like I did the wrong thing, the selfish thing or have dishonored God because of divorce. I feel free of anxiousness, like I just moved ahead and God is for me. I feel free and calm. I know what I have just done what I needed to do. I have peace.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Okay, will tell the story later about how i had to change companies since I wrote this original post, but finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just got the divorce papers in the mail. Now I have to go have him sign them.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Thanks everyone. Okay , update, he signed the papers. He did it nicely , no problems and then of course some moody verbal drama through the day. He started to drink of course. i left and went and worked out, came home and ignored the moody comments in the 'air' as usual. Got ready to go out to the movies with my son who then didn't want to go, so i went out with a friend. ( A friend who is divorcing her AH but wants me to help her to do it as i did as there divorce is at a standstill as how the lawyers are going about it and now they can't afford it as the AH lost his job. i explained if there is no contest she doesn't have to go through all of that.) He was in the garage drinking beers before 8am this morning, however, being friendly,doing household stuff, not moody.....yet.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
MeHandle, I'm so glad for you... you took care of yourself!
Sorry he still drinks, but life is better when one assumes others will continue as they are. Meanwhile we are the ones who bring the salsa, e.g. the joy, the health, the love, the living the present moment ..
BTW you helped me a great deal when I was suffering a lot.. thank you again for that
Sorry he still drinks, but life is better when one assumes others will continue as they are. Meanwhile we are the ones who bring the salsa, e.g. the joy, the health, the love, the living the present moment ..
BTW you helped me a great deal when I was suffering a lot.. thank you again for that
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Update: Still WAITING!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! The problem with no contest divorces is they don't make much money off of you so you wait for them to get to you and fit you in!!!!!! I called again today and asked if they could give me an actual time frame as they are 3 weeks past when they said they would have a case number for me. I am going to call , call and call again !!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Scripture tells us of the widow who pestered a judge to hear her til she drove him nuts...so he heard her case. Keep on contacting them, and bug them til they do it so they get rid of you.
I pray it will be soon.
God bless
I pray it will be soon.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
mehandle-
i am glad you are taking care of yourself. i understand your conflict with god and leaving your marriage. do you really feel a loving, mercifull god would want you and your children to wait with an alcoholic?
in my opinion, what you are doing is right in the eyes of god.
and good for you for doing it so resourcefully!
naive
i am glad you are taking care of yourself. i understand your conflict with god and leaving your marriage. do you really feel a loving, mercifull god would want you and your children to wait with an alcoholic?
in my opinion, what you are doing is right in the eyes of god.
and good for you for doing it so resourcefully!
naive
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Naive, i shared my heart conflict with God here, i wrestled, He won. I was the only one holding me in this marriage but I had to come to see that. That is why a am getting a divorce.:-) It is also why I want to write the book, for christians who need to understand the bible as to divorce and abuse and help those who have received bad council or misunderstood scripture on this issue. ( and thank you)
Jadmack 25... :-) ....... yes, those were my thoughts.
Got a case number today!!!!! Now we have to do the parenting class for children of divorce that is mandatory in IL before they will give you a court date for the divorce.
Jadmack 25... :-) ....... yes, those were my thoughts.
Got a case number today!!!!! Now we have to do the parenting class for children of divorce that is mandatory in IL before they will give you a court date for the divorce.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: littleton, Colorado
Posts: 146
MH-I am in the middle of my non-attorney'd divorce as well. You are correct-it can be done and especially if you can both AGREE. My situation is my stbxrah is non-communicative.
I am very, very happy for you-I have similar feelings and will be completely free when I have the agreement and decree in my hands. The rest of it-is just stuff.
Congratulations! You sound good-
I am very, very happy for you-I have similar feelings and will be completely free when I have the agreement and decree in my hands. The rest of it-is just stuff.
Congratulations! You sound good-
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Children of divorce class scheduled for this Saturday, both of us, 50 bucks a piece. Each must schedule for themselves and there is an option to do it on the computer where there is then a test. In person there is not a test but it is a 4 hour class.
I called the law office to let them know when we are scheduled and she said she will not get a court date. So I will follow up with that after the class this weekend.
mermaidgirl, my husband avoiding communicating about this and went back and forth on what he would commit to. It was a process. There was a point when i just said, "Listen" if you make me go into a court battle for this divorce, becasue i will and because a divorce is going to happen, and waste lots of money for both of us I will ask for more and I will get it and you will have paid more and i will request you pay my lawyer fees too. For the most part i gave to not do battle, but that is what it would have cost to do battle. I took my risks in the future, like no part of his pension. Present risk, I took half the maintenance i could have gotten.
I called the law office to let them know when we are scheduled and she said she will not get a court date. So I will follow up with that after the class this weekend.
mermaidgirl, my husband avoiding communicating about this and went back and forth on what he would commit to. It was a process. There was a point when i just said, "Listen" if you make me go into a court battle for this divorce, becasue i will and because a divorce is going to happen, and waste lots of money for both of us I will ask for more and I will get it and you will have paid more and i will request you pay my lawyer fees too. For the most part i gave to not do battle, but that is what it would have cost to do battle. I took my risks in the future, like no part of his pension. Present risk, I took half the maintenance i could have gotten.
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