and there ya have it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 44
and there ya have it
About 2 weeks ago I told my good friend what was happening, she said she was aware and was always waiting for me to come to her(she went through this with her brother)......anyhow she cuts my hair as well as AH so last wednesday he goes and gets his haircut by her while hes there he says.......so I guess you heard about me and her.........my friend stays silent.........then he goes......I think shes going to leave me.........
What a position to put my friend in. Why not go to a different hairdresser. I know he was looking for a reaction but she doesnt budge when it comes to stuff like that and will defend me until the death...........at least I know (unless of course it was just for show) that he is aware I am leaving. I had started to think he was really really clueless to all this and thought we were going to be ok. That does give me some peace of mind.
I also became aware of when I was just with my mom how strong I felt, how powerful, grown up an clear headed I felt and then I made sure to notice when my feelings change......when I got to the door to come home I felt myself tighten up, get silent and avoid his eyes, I realized I barely speak and only speak when I have too and even then its a mumble and then i have to repeat myself because he doesnt hear me. Our conversations are down to how was work, anything on tv.........I can't imagine living like this my entire life. Thank god I do know my strong side is there and that is what will pull me through.
What a position to put my friend in. Why not go to a different hairdresser. I know he was looking for a reaction but she doesnt budge when it comes to stuff like that and will defend me until the death...........at least I know (unless of course it was just for show) that he is aware I am leaving. I had started to think he was really really clueless to all this and thought we were going to be ok. That does give me some peace of mind.
I also became aware of when I was just with my mom how strong I felt, how powerful, grown up an clear headed I felt and then I made sure to notice when my feelings change......when I got to the door to come home I felt myself tighten up, get silent and avoid his eyes, I realized I barely speak and only speak when I have too and even then its a mumble and then i have to repeat myself because he doesnt hear me. Our conversations are down to how was work, anything on tv.........I can't imagine living like this my entire life. Thank god I do know my strong side is there and that is what will pull me through.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You got to find your strong side, June, and it will serve you well again.
The more we take care of ourselves, the less their chaos affects us.
Live well, live happy and live for whatever makes you happy.
Hugs
The more we take care of ourselves, the less their chaos affects us.
Live well, live happy and live for whatever makes you happy.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I think my XABF was asking people if I was going to leave him throughout our 10+ years together. He would be sure to imply I had boyfriends around town or I was looking for a new place to live if I wasn't home when he expected me to be.
I tried to see it as his insecurities doing the talking and it did validate for me that he had, in fact, been behaving badly and had some reason to think I would leave. It wasn't all in my head.
Don't be surprised if your AH was just putting the feelers out there to see who's side your friend was on and trying to get some inside info. Addiction needs the upper hand in a relationship however it can get it, right?
Alice
I tried to see it as his insecurities doing the talking and it did validate for me that he had, in fact, been behaving badly and had some reason to think I would leave. It wasn't all in my head.
Don't be surprised if your AH was just putting the feelers out there to see who's side your friend was on and trying to get some inside info. Addiction needs the upper hand in a relationship however it can get it, right?
Alice
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