How does one learn to have fun?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 2
How does one learn to have fun?
I never had much fun as a kid - my alcoholic stepfather made sure of that pretty much. I've gone through quite a bit of psychotherapy over the years but apparently still have a hard time of just "chilling out" when I'm not working etc.
I find it hard to sit through a movie at home or to stay on task for very long at anything that is not work related. What coping mechanisms do COA people use to develop the ability to just "be"? Does my question make sense?
I have friends and I do go out with them to events etc. so it appears that my problem lies in being at home. I'm always feeling that I have to be up and doing something around the house - cleaning, organizing, creating something.
In analyzing my family of origin, I realize that my mom is always doing something, constantly. I've often teased her that she is like a shark...if she stops moving she will die. Now I realize I'm doing the same thing but not to the extreme that she does - LOL. So how do I stop this behavior? in other words, how do I learn to chill out at home? My husband and I are empty nesters so no kids to keep up with etc. He is very calming and has the ability to chill out with a good tv show for hours. He is also a COA but does not drink, nor do I except for the occasional social drink outside the home.
Thanks for any insight or reference materials recommended.
Cheers, T
I find it hard to sit through a movie at home or to stay on task for very long at anything that is not work related. What coping mechanisms do COA people use to develop the ability to just "be"? Does my question make sense?
I have friends and I do go out with them to events etc. so it appears that my problem lies in being at home. I'm always feeling that I have to be up and doing something around the house - cleaning, organizing, creating something.
In analyzing my family of origin, I realize that my mom is always doing something, constantly. I've often teased her that she is like a shark...if she stops moving she will die. Now I realize I'm doing the same thing but not to the extreme that she does - LOL. So how do I stop this behavior? in other words, how do I learn to chill out at home? My husband and I are empty nesters so no kids to keep up with etc. He is very calming and has the ability to chill out with a good tv show for hours. He is also a COA but does not drink, nor do I except for the occasional social drink outside the home.
Thanks for any insight or reference materials recommended.
Cheers, T
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Is there any kind of hobby that you enjoy that you can do at home? I mean, something like scrapbooking or knitting or needlepoint? Do you enjoy playing cards? Do you have any pets that you can play with? I'm probably not much help because one thing I've never had any problem doing is just veging out! LOL!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
Posts: 402
If you just have to be busy, why not try a hobby more mentally soothing and less physically strenuous. Say, instead of cleaning like an automaton, make a point to just listen to music.
I'm an ACoA and I'm a workaholic
I'd like to resign, but it's pretty well ingrained in me. Something I found that worked well for me was listening to music in a different language (one that I was interested in). My mind needs to be crazy-busy, and it's good if it can just spin out on a little project, but it has to be one that doesn't exhaust me. If I'm making dinner, folding laundry, etc. and I feel like I need to be busier, it's really easy to find a youtube video of a song you like that someone's written out the lyrics to. Surely but slowly, I have even put my other work down to sit in front of youtube and just explore music. When I find something I like, I'll watch it a few times. Trying to learn the words is like a simple, fun memory game for me. It's my own triumph when I can learn a chorus.
It's a weird hobby to mention to people: I listen to music in two other languages and enjoy recognizing the words or even guessing the sentences now and then. Progress is slow, but it's been a much better way to spend my free time these past couple years than CLEANING. At least this I have something to show for that time, and I STILL have a clean house
Your hobby doesn't have to be mine. But it's certainly allowed to be off-the-wall and something you secretly, almost evilly enjoy
I'm an ACoA and I'm a workaholic
I'd like to resign, but it's pretty well ingrained in me. Something I found that worked well for me was listening to music in a different language (one that I was interested in). My mind needs to be crazy-busy, and it's good if it can just spin out on a little project, but it has to be one that doesn't exhaust me. If I'm making dinner, folding laundry, etc. and I feel like I need to be busier, it's really easy to find a youtube video of a song you like that someone's written out the lyrics to. Surely but slowly, I have even put my other work down to sit in front of youtube and just explore music. When I find something I like, I'll watch it a few times. Trying to learn the words is like a simple, fun memory game for me. It's my own triumph when I can learn a chorus.It's a weird hobby to mention to people: I listen to music in two other languages and enjoy recognizing the words or even guessing the sentences now and then. Progress is slow, but it's been a much better way to spend my free time these past couple years than CLEANING. At least this I have something to show for that time, and I STILL have a clean house
Your hobby doesn't have to be mine. But it's certainly allowed to be off-the-wall and something you secretly, almost evilly enjoy
In Recovery
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
Love your post! I have always had a hard time sitting through a movie without being "busy" - funny, I have one in the DVD player right now and am online...God forbid I actually do only one thing at a time!
It might be just a woman thing (that whole multi-tasking gene), but one thing that did help me was borrowing Foreign DVDs from the library...if I wanted to know what was going on, I HAD to watch the darned thing! I couldn't sit and read, or fold laundry or get up (without pausing)...man, it was annoying at first, but I find I enjoy that time...the only thing I have to work on is, now not castigating myself for that time that I "wasted" when I could have "accomplished" something! LOL
It might be just a woman thing (that whole multi-tasking gene), but one thing that did help me was borrowing Foreign DVDs from the library...if I wanted to know what was going on, I HAD to watch the darned thing! I couldn't sit and read, or fold laundry or get up (without pausing)...man, it was annoying at first, but I find I enjoy that time...the only thing I have to work on is, now not castigating myself for that time that I "wasted" when I could have "accomplished" something! LOL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
Very interesting thread. I am the exact same way, hate sitting still, always trying to do 3 things at once. I figured it was the result of being raised by a military father, or more recently started to wonder if I have ADHD. But maybe this is common for children of alcoholics, too? I know my dad could never stand to see us sit still.
But to answer the question about learning to have fun, I guess for the most part I enjoy the things I keep busy at. But I feel like I've slowly found real joy in life over the years by being involved in two groups (one music, one an arts group that meets every week) in which I have spent a LOT of time with people my parents' age and learned bit by bit that not everyone grows up to become angry and miserable like my parents. I have spent many years in the company of joyful, happy older people with a real zest for life, and I think that's one of the things that has helped me.
But to answer the question about learning to have fun, I guess for the most part I enjoy the things I keep busy at. But I feel like I've slowly found real joy in life over the years by being involved in two groups (one music, one an arts group that meets every week) in which I have spent a LOT of time with people my parents' age and learned bit by bit that not everyone grows up to become angry and miserable like my parents. I have spent many years in the company of joyful, happy older people with a real zest for life, and I think that's one of the things that has helped me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: NOVA, VA
Posts: 2
I know this is a little delayed... But I am the same way.
But I have found cooking/baking is my creative outlet. I has multitasking plus an end result that I can see.
My fav thing to bake is muffins... the healthy type. If you ever want some easy/yummy recipes let me know.. I have tons!
But I have found cooking/baking is my creative outlet. I has multitasking plus an end result that I can see.
My fav thing to bake is muffins... the healthy type. If you ever want some easy/yummy recipes let me know.. I have tons!
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