anuty

Hi

I need some advice. I am in a strange situation with 2 friends at work. We have a co-worker who is a few years younger than most of us (mid-20's). He is mostly nice and sensitive and we all took a liking to him when he started a few months ago. A little while ago, he chose to confide in me after a few drinks. He has been under the influence of something or the other since he was a teenager. Family support is minimal and he has no real close friends. He is currently into illegally acquired prescription drug use. I tried to be supportive and got him some info about rehab and helplines and such and offered any other help might need in that direction.
He had gotten out of a relationship few months ago and we knew he had a crush on one of our colleagues. Recently, he told me he was now involved with her. She is a few years older and has serious emotional issues, with a history of bad relationships besides a history of prescription drug abuse. They immediately started sleeping together, he practically moved in and now they are doing drugs together. She does not know I know. I have been friends with her for 2 years and feel like this could be a dangerous situation and am very concerned. I am beginning to feel like I need to talk to her and figure out what is going on in her head, even though I'll be breaking his confidence. I am not sure what to do. Any suggestions?

Chino

I have a 22 year old recovering addict daughter. Because she's been down the road a time or two, she knows what to do to take care of herself. I don't ever try to figure out what's going on in her head, I leave that up to the professionals and her AA group. But I do let her know if she ever needs my help finding resources, all she has to do is ask. I've learned to keep my hands off the addict.

It sounds like your friend has an addiction too. How about letting her know you care about her, and all she has to do is ask you if she ever needs help.

barblsn

I would RUN from this. Why is he confiding in you? What's in it for him, because there is NOTHING good in it for you. My advice? Smile sweetly and suggest he talk to a professional. Then RUN away.

sojourner

Uh, my gut (from the way your story goes) is that this is an addict (him) sizing up a potential enabler (you).

This guy has been high since a teenager and his "family does not support him." As in does not support his getting high? Sounds like his family is practicing detachment and, for all we know, loving detachment hoping he will hit bottom with then an offer for support.

You could be talking to my son because I know he is using my detachment in order to garner pity from anybody that he can. My prayer for my son is that his HP will block anyone else from being manipulated into enabling him "because they are so concerned about his situation."

Just my opinion, and i hope that helps you see this from a different angle.

I see you have just joined. Try reading all the stickies above. Maybe there's something in those that would help you see this from the substance user's point of view and also the best way you can help this guy which is, as mentioned above, to stay out of it.

teke

welcome

Insulated

Don't break his confidence. They both already know the platform for the joint venture is prescription drugs. I would run in the opposite direction, and fast!

outtolunch

Has either one of these friends asked you for your opinion or to intervene?

When I stay in my own hula-hoop and not control other people, I side-step a lot of drama.

coffeedrinker

your co-worker confided in you. now you have to decide what that means - for you. i think clarify with him why he did so. then you will have some direction where to go next.


generally, there is a rule of thumb:


:codiepolice




welcome to s/r

RobbyRobot

You're already part of their drama, by having his confidence now, and by being her friend over the last two years. Just ignoring what is happening with you over all this will not make anything better for anyone. What is done is done.

You can be your own person and decide for yourself what your gonna do about your knowledge. Since you guys all work together, i would even things up and let your friend know that her new boyfriend has confided in you, and that you're just letting her know so that if it comes out later, you have a clean slate, and everyone is on the same page. Friends are friends for reasons that mean something. You decide if your friend needs to know that you have inside knowledge of her relationship. In any case, you may want to tell her boyfriend to stop confiding in you so as to avoid any more drama. With drug users there will always be more drama....

I hope you find your way through all this. Please remember that your important too in all this as it unfolds.