justjo

Only 3 months ago my sister passed away from Alcoholism. I have been coming on this site for sometime now to share etc etc but now it seems as though my message is 'what now' Im lost, shes not here anymore, nothing to report now, nothing to share.
Isnt it amazing how we can get so drawn into this, the worry, the dramas and the love. It seems I miss it all, I miss her needing me and Im not too sure how to get back to earth. Anyone else felt this way?
Jo

Pelican

You will always be able to share your personal experience here with Newcomers. You have seen and heard it all. You know what it feels like to have a loved one choose alcohol till the very end.

I thought I was walking away from a life of alcoholic behavior when I left my marriage. Other than situations involving the children, I had removed that from my day to day life. I accepted a job and moved away. Period.

You'll never guess what I got in my new position. A co-worker that was addicted to Rx drugs. I cussed at my HP and then unloaded on a friend with more recovery than I. My friend told me this:

There will always be addicts in my life.
I just need to wait and see if I am there to support them when they are ready to get help or accept the reminder from my HP about how much I have experienced and survived.

(((justjo))) I am glad you are here as part of our family!

Rella927

JustJo I agree others will always need to hear your ESH! And being a part of the SR Family is the greatest place to be and share with others and I do believe it will also help you to keep healing

coffeedrinker

your sister's passing is still very recent. you are floundering and grieving and trying to get a foothold. maybe just come here and read, post when you feel like it even if you don't really have an agenda.

i'm sorry for your loss.

PHIZ007

My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.

grief takes time....there is no set rule just take each day as it comes and as someone posted above your loss is still very fresh. I too am glad you are here. There are many wonderful people here at SR and I hope we can offer you some comfort during this difficult time.

Keep reading keep posting and take care of you Phiz

justjo

Thanks! I guess the pain is still raw - crying at the drop of a hat. I know this is all so real but my mind doesnt want to accept she has really gone. I know everybody else is grieving in my family too but I feel like Im the only one who really knew the (pain) and suffering she went through till the end. It was so hard to watch her do this, the way she lived and suffered. It was unbearable for me to see but I was there and found her. I always knew Id be the one who found her, You see, I was her big sister, the person who understood her. I try and visualize the good old times with her and that really hurts too. I guess I just couldnt understand what or why her pain was so horrible she had to drink herself to death. We talked about most things you see, I told her it was ok to forgive herself and move forward but it didnt happen.
I had 41years with her but the pain of knowing I will never grow old with her sharing our life is unbearable.