I lost my 15 year old Newfoundland mix this morning
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I lost my 15 year old Newfoundland mix this morning
Life has been so very hectic what with college classes, and tending senior dogs. February 17th of this year marked a year since I lost my wire-haired terrier mix Pikachu to cancer, and today marks the 4th dog in a little over a year.
Toby, my 21 year old's heart dog left us in September to renal failure, and in November, my 16 1/2 year old lab mix Raven died (she was formerly my AD's dog).
I lost Biscuit to renal failure this morning. Thank God my 21 year old answered the phone because I couldn't pick Biscuit up and desperately needed to get her to the vet's.
By the time we got there, she died before the vet could euthanize her.
My daughter and I went straight to Wichita afterwards to leave her for cremation by the Humane Society. I am so grateful she was there for me today and helped me get through it.
I never ever set out to end up with so many geriatric dogs, but each one came to me under varying circumstances of need, and of course, all were young at the time.
Christmas of 2008, I had 8 dogs, all very much loved. Amber moved out after her Toby died, and took Sissy the greyhound mix with her as she and Sissy do have a special bond.
Not only do I grieve the loss of Biscuit, I feel that I am grieving all of them today.
My heart hurts.
Toby, my 21 year old's heart dog left us in September to renal failure, and in November, my 16 1/2 year old lab mix Raven died (she was formerly my AD's dog).
I lost Biscuit to renal failure this morning. Thank God my 21 year old answered the phone because I couldn't pick Biscuit up and desperately needed to get her to the vet's.
By the time we got there, she died before the vet could euthanize her.
My daughter and I went straight to Wichita afterwards to leave her for cremation by the Humane Society. I am so grateful she was there for me today and helped me get through it.
I never ever set out to end up with so many geriatric dogs, but each one came to me under varying circumstances of need, and of course, all were young at the time.
Christmas of 2008, I had 8 dogs, all very much loved. Amber moved out after her Toby died, and took Sissy the greyhound mix with her as she and Sissy do have a special bond.
Not only do I grieve the loss of Biscuit, I feel that I am grieving all of them today.
My heart hurts.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
DeVon, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my bullmastiff just two weeks ago to what we suspect was renal failure, and it is still so painful. I know just how you are feeling. Wish we could sit and have a cup of coffee together and cry about our pups.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Cowgirl1265 
Wish we could sit and have a cup of coffee together and cry about our pups.
I feel like the biggest piece of sh*t right now because yesterday she seemed fairly comfortable, and I honestly thought it would be okay till I got her in this morning (I made the appointment on Saturday for this morning) to be euthanized. I had bought some canned food because she was at least eating that, and she could have whatever she wanted. She came up to me wagging her tail last night when I got home from AA.
She literally crashed and burned on me during the night.
I just don't know how to get past the guilt right now. I feel I failed her. I did not want her to suffer.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
and she could have whatever she wanted. She came up to me wagging her tail last night when I got home from AA.
:
:
I'm so sorry. I believe she was telling you thank you and goodbye.
((((DeVon))))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
How could you feel you failed her when you loved her so? Bringing love and kindness to a pup for the latter years of their lives when fewer folks are willing to take them on in the world, is never a failed effort.
I am thinking of you today and hope you can find some solace knowing she is at peace and has been reunited with old friends where pups go in their dreams.
((((hugs))))
Alice
I am thinking of you today and hope you can find some solace knowing she is at peace and has been reunited with old friends where pups go in their dreams.
((((hugs))))
Alice
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
OMG!!! I am sooo sorry! I'm sitting here at work reading this and fighting back the tears. You are a good person and you gave those sweet fur babies a wonderful life. Please don't feel like you failed Biscuit. You made her last days as comfortable as possible. That's all anyone could have done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Pelican
Dear friend,
I'm so sorry. I believe she was telling you thank you and goodbye.
((((DeVon))))
I'm so sorry. I believe she was telling you thank you and goodbye.
((((DeVon))))
I have been so incredibly blessed with the most loving dogs in the world. It's still hard for me to believe they've lived to such ripe old ages.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Oh I" so sorry. When my little rat terrier died, I sobbed uncontrollably for weeks. Even though she was sick, even though she'd been blind for years.
I'll dig up a piece I wrote for her the day she died and paste it below.
I wrote the poem out of sheer shame and despertion. I was certian I'd contributed to her death. Killed her. So you're not alone with the guilt. It's hard to shake, but the reality is we're just working out our issues. They just love us. It's that simple.
The very first article I wrote was a profile of a pet psychic, and she told me she gets calls all the time from folks who want to know if their pet suffered, and want reassurance that they did everything they could possible do to ease that suffering in the final hours.
She told me we enter into a predestined agreement with our pet before we incarnate here: we agree to take care of them, and they agree to help us evolve spiritually. I believe it too.
So take your time. Cry. Tell your girl how much you loved and tried to help her, but please try to be gentle with yourself-now and for a good while down the road as well.
GRAVE DIGGER
June 2007
The soil reluctantly yields to my borrowed shovel
Top layer so cool. Black
Below lies a happier, light brown
Roots thrust into the damp hole
Sweet Earth
Mosquitoes want to bite me
They light and leave
wary of the guilt and grief
shimmering from my arms
My dog Bitty lies in the garage
Wrapped in the blanket she anguished on for days
Right now I could stop shoveling
Heed the cries
of my hip and knees
Walk across the yard
Look past her glazed staring eyes
Stroke her velvet head. Bolt upright ears
But I’m desperate to bury her
before the sun goes down. Bury her
before
the buzzing flies find their way into
her baby blue blanket
Before
the agony
of my inability to save her
carries me into this hole
See? By the time
I've dug her grave
—is it deep enough?—
her delicate legs
have already stiffened
Still. How unjust
Put her in a bag
Lift her onto the wheelbarrow
Careful, careful
At grave’s edge
I’m stunned
How can I put her in this hole?
Lift her little body
one last time?
Our big orange cat rolls at my feet
Flipping from side to side in the tall grass. Flirting
He would swat at my little dog
until she wrestled him to the ground
He could’ve easily fought back. He’s bigger
But he didn’t
And she'd growl fiercely
biting and wetting his fur
And finally stand over him, triumphant
And we would laugh.
Get him Bitty we'd say. Get that cat
She was blind
before we moved to this house
She learned to navigate the steps. The yard
Lately when I opened the door
she’d stay right there
Look up in my direction
Come on Bitty I’d say. Come on in
Now my transgressions rise
A whirlwind of regret
Every harsh word
each impatient moment
They circle my head and heart
Spin my vision.
The sun is setting. I gather my courage
Gather my prayers and
fill the hole
with dirt
with streaming tears
and with prayers for redemption
I'll dig up a piece I wrote for her the day she died and paste it below.
I wrote the poem out of sheer shame and despertion. I was certian I'd contributed to her death. Killed her. So you're not alone with the guilt. It's hard to shake, but the reality is we're just working out our issues. They just love us. It's that simple.
The very first article I wrote was a profile of a pet psychic, and she told me she gets calls all the time from folks who want to know if their pet suffered, and want reassurance that they did everything they could possible do to ease that suffering in the final hours.
She told me we enter into a predestined agreement with our pet before we incarnate here: we agree to take care of them, and they agree to help us evolve spiritually. I believe it too.
So take your time. Cry. Tell your girl how much you loved and tried to help her, but please try to be gentle with yourself-now and for a good while down the road as well.
GRAVE DIGGER
June 2007
The soil reluctantly yields to my borrowed shovel
Top layer so cool. Black
Below lies a happier, light brown
Roots thrust into the damp hole
Sweet Earth
Mosquitoes want to bite me
They light and leave
wary of the guilt and grief
shimmering from my arms
My dog Bitty lies in the garage
Wrapped in the blanket she anguished on for days
Right now I could stop shoveling
Heed the cries
of my hip and knees
Walk across the yard
Look past her glazed staring eyes
Stroke her velvet head. Bolt upright ears
But I’m desperate to bury her
before the sun goes down. Bury her
before
the buzzing flies find their way into
her baby blue blanket
Before
the agony
of my inability to save her
carries me into this hole
See? By the time
I've dug her grave
—is it deep enough?—
her delicate legs
have already stiffened
Still. How unjust
Put her in a bag
Lift her onto the wheelbarrow
Careful, careful
At grave’s edge
I’m stunned
How can I put her in this hole?
Lift her little body
one last time?
Our big orange cat rolls at my feet
Flipping from side to side in the tall grass. Flirting
He would swat at my little dog
until she wrestled him to the ground
He could’ve easily fought back. He’s bigger
But he didn’t
And she'd growl fiercely
biting and wetting his fur
And finally stand over him, triumphant
And we would laugh.
Get him Bitty we'd say. Get that cat
She was blind
before we moved to this house
She learned to navigate the steps. The yard
Lately when I opened the door
she’d stay right there
Look up in my direction
Come on Bitty I’d say. Come on in
Now my transgressions rise
A whirlwind of regret
Every harsh word
each impatient moment
They circle my head and heart
Spin my vision.
The sun is setting. I gather my courage
Gather my prayers and
fill the hole
with dirt
with streaming tears
and with prayers for redemption
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
I´m so sorry, Freedom.
It´s so painful to lose a pet, I lost one of my cats in January.
Sounds like your dogs had a good life with you. I know the feeling of guilt that comes with losses. It´s something that is part of the process.
Sending you hugs.
It´s so painful to lose a pet, I lost one of my cats in January.
Sounds like your dogs had a good life with you. I know the feeling of guilt that comes with losses. It´s something that is part of the process.
Sending you hugs.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((DeVon)) - I'm so sorry, sweetie. I agree with ((Pelican)) - I think that when she came up to you, last night, wagging her tail she was saying "thanks mom...you've made my life great, but it's time for me to go".
Please be gentle with yourself. You've been a great mom to all your furbabies and all of you have been blessed to have each other in your lives.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Please be gentle with yourself. You've been a great mom to all your furbabies and all of you have been blessed to have each other in your lives.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm
Dont know if youve read or heard this before , Sneezy passed it on to me when I lost not my own pet , but a very dear friends pet , who touched my heart while entering my recovery ... Im so truly sorry for your lose , And SO agree with Freedoms comment .. it was a way of saying good bye .. you know that pets have this wondeful sence of emotions and Im certain the last thing he wanted to see was you crying or feeling sad .. he just wanted to remember you feeling happy that he was there wagging and being his old happy self ... bless you for careing for them thu there last yrs of life , they will be waiting for you one day at the rainbows bridge ... ~ huggles Endzy~
Dont know if youve read or heard this before , Sneezy passed it on to me when I lost not my own pet , but a very dear friends pet , who touched my heart while entering my recovery ... Im so truly sorry for your lose , And SO agree with Freedoms comment .. it was a way of saying good bye .. you know that pets have this wondeful sence of emotions and Im certain the last thing he wanted to see was you crying or feeling sad .. he just wanted to remember you feeling happy that he was there wagging and being his old happy self ... bless you for careing for them thu there last yrs of life , they will be waiting for you one day at the rainbows bridge ... ~ huggles Endzy~
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Freedom 
you are truly amazing for giving all the care and love in the world to these fur babies-feel good about the love you shared with them. My heart aches for you as loosing our fur babies hurts so deeply-Know they are in a better place free from pain-grieve with love in your heart
you are truly amazing for giving all the care and love in the world to these fur babies-feel good about the love you shared with them. My heart aches for you as loosing our fur babies hurts so deeply-Know they are in a better place free from pain-grieve with love in your heart Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
(((((((((((((((((DeVon)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )
:'-(
we may not be able to alleviate all the suffering of our loved ones, but they know, even in their darkest hour, that we are not the cause....they know how we make them feel, and that is loved, and that they belong, and that they are special.... and that does ease their pain..........
I'm so sorry you lost your friend.
peace-
b
:'-(
we may not be able to alleviate all the suffering of our loved ones, but they know, even in their darkest hour, that we are not the cause....they know how we make them feel, and that is loved, and that they belong, and that they are special.... and that does ease their pain..........
I'm so sorry you lost your friend.
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
DeVon, aren't you going to have a noisy and joyful doggy reception at those pearly gates?
Thanks Pelican and Impurrfect for posting exactly what was in my mind, that her actions were her thanks and goodbye to you, and I believe....IN HER TIME......
the appointment with the vet obviously wasn't her time. No wonder St Francis loved animals so much.
You are in my thoughts and my heart this morning, (it is 9am here), as you grieve for your loss and give thanks that her suffering is over.
God bless
Thanks Pelican and Impurrfect for posting exactly what was in my mind, that her actions were her thanks and goodbye to you, and I believe....IN HER TIME......
the appointment with the vet obviously wasn't her time. No wonder St Francis loved animals so much.
You are in my thoughts and my heart this morning, (it is 9am here), as you grieve for your loss and give thanks that her suffering is over.
God bless
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