So darn close I can smell it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 285
So darn close I can smell it!
Hi all
My XAP is still in the house holed up in the spare room, not paying a cent in board as predicted. But you know what I dont give a rats. ( hmm just wondering if that is an aussie saying) I dont give a hoot maybe?
He will be gone very soon, boxes are packed. He has applied for a place of his own. yay! I do wish he was gone. When he is out the house is so calm and peaceful giving me a delicious taste of the future.
He tries to make polite small talk which I dont engage in except a single word appropriate response. I am not very angry with him anymore, just so over him being here. Not much longer!!!!
I went for a lovely walk on the beach today after having lunch with myself in a seaside cafe reading the paper. Came home and planned the weeks menu, did a cook up so next week will run smoothly. I get too tired to cook unless it is all though out, brought and ready to cook. So my week ahead will be smooth and organised.
Ha ha nothing like a bit of planning to sooth my controlling needs. At least this is self control and not that of others.
I have read Codie no more and now onto Women Who Love Too Much. OMG what an eye opener that one is. I am going to have to read it a few times I think. I am certainly not planning to find a new love interest soon. So much more healing to do on myself.
My XAP is still in the house holed up in the spare room, not paying a cent in board as predicted. But you know what I dont give a rats. ( hmm just wondering if that is an aussie saying) I dont give a hoot maybe?
He will be gone very soon, boxes are packed. He has applied for a place of his own. yay! I do wish he was gone. When he is out the house is so calm and peaceful giving me a delicious taste of the future.
He tries to make polite small talk which I dont engage in except a single word appropriate response. I am not very angry with him anymore, just so over him being here. Not much longer!!!!
I went for a lovely walk on the beach today after having lunch with myself in a seaside cafe reading the paper. Came home and planned the weeks menu, did a cook up so next week will run smoothly. I get too tired to cook unless it is all though out, brought and ready to cook. So my week ahead will be smooth and organised.
Ha ha nothing like a bit of planning to sooth my controlling needs. At least this is self control and not that of others.
I have read Codie no more and now onto Women Who Love Too Much. OMG what an eye opener that one is. I am going to have to read it a few times I think. I am certainly not planning to find a new love interest soon. So much more healing to do on myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Hi Gold. Glad you're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! 
Being by the beach sounds so nice. I think I'll get that book you're reading too. I keep hearing about it in these threads.
By the way, we say "rats a$$" too in the U.S. I wonder how that saying originated...
Being by the beach sounds so nice. I think I'll get that book you're reading too. I keep hearing about it in these threads. By the way, we say "rats a$$" too in the U.S. I wonder how that saying originated...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Blame the Pom's I think.
Gold, don't know where you are in Aussie, but there's no walking on beach up here, in fact it looks like our roads and gardens are the beach as we've had so much rain. I am ready to sing kareoke with the frogs right now, as there are so many and they seem to be using microphones.
Glad you can see the end of having your "lodger" with you, and then can get into living your way and in peace at long last.
God bless
Gold, don't know where you are in Aussie, but there's no walking on beach up here, in fact it looks like our roads and gardens are the beach as we've had so much rain. I am ready to sing kareoke with the frogs right now, as there are so many and they seem to be using microphones.
Glad you can see the end of having your "lodger" with you, and then can get into living your way and in peace at long last.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 285
WOO HOO! He is gone! Out of my house, out of my life.
No contact ever again.
I feel soooo free.
I joined a local walking club today and went for a 2 hour organised walk along the beautiful Australian coastline.
The house is blissfully serene. My daughter is singing. It is over.
I am so grateful to the support here on SR and continue to work on my own recovery.
No contact ever again.
I feel soooo free.
I joined a local walking club today and went for a 2 hour organised walk along the beautiful Australian coastline.
The house is blissfully serene. My daughter is singing. It is over.
I am so grateful to the support here on SR and continue to work on my own recovery.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Originally Posted by Gold 
WOO HOO! He is gone! Out of my house, out of my life.
No contact ever again.
I feel soooo free.
I joined a local walking club today and went for a 2 hour organised walk along the beautiful Australian coastline.
The house is blissfully serene. My daughter is singing. It is over.
I am so grateful to the support here on SR and continue to work on my own recovery.
No contact ever again.
I feel soooo free.
I joined a local walking club today and went for a 2 hour organised walk along the beautiful Australian coastline.
The house is blissfully serene. My daughter is singing. It is over.
I am so grateful to the support here on SR and continue to work on my own recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Oh WOW!! Gold, I am so happy for you and your daughter.
Peace at last, and freedom from all you found so hard to live with while he mooched around.
I wish you both all of God's most wonderful blessings for the future.
And now you have WON GOLD, here's the usual for an Aussie winner.
Peace at last, and freedom from all you found so hard to live with while he mooched around.
I wish you both all of God's most wonderful blessings for the future.
And now you have WON GOLD, here's the usual for an Aussie winner.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Yay! I am also, once again, experiencing that same feeling of relief that I don't live with AH. Hell, it isn't even relief, it's overwhelming joy and gratitude.
Enjoy the hard earned serenity my dear. The world is your oyster!
Enjoy the hard earned serenity my dear. The world is your oyster!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 285
Hello Lovely SR friends.
I read it has been 11 months since I chose freedom, peace and quite and what a blessing it has been. I have had concentration and headspace for my family, friends work and my beloved dog who I got 1 month after AP moved out.
My priorities have been on my own recovery. I have learnt to let go of managing (read controlling) my adult children and it is just a relief to us all. My lovely 16 year old still living at home is blossoming without an alcoholic in our home and lives.
The only negative has been the ex seeking some sort of retribution and link to me has filed a court case to take my assets. I will walk you back just ever so briefly into the history. He was bankrupt when he entered and when he left the relationship, contributed minimally but now wants half my equity. The Cheek and Gall!!!! I wonder how much is to keep me engaged but actually believe he is simply an opportunistic broke drunk. My lawyer does not think he will win, It goes to court Feb 22. We have not spoken since the day he left. All communictaion has been via lawyers and I am grateful he has made no attempt to contact me
I have placed a lid firmly on my feelings about this, prepared a comprehensive detailed responce and trusting the system will see his claim for what it is. However as the case drags closer I am feeling a slowly rising level of anxiety and thinking of him but also thinking a lot about this forum that gave me so much honest support, information and perspective.
so here I am updating and reconnecting with you all.
I had a couple of dates with a pleasant man but knew immediately I am in no way shape or form ready for another intimate relationship. soooo my own healing continues. i have continued to ready extensively books on codependency and recognised myself and my unhealthy patterns. I actually wonder if at times I have dissengaged TOO much from caring for others fearing i will then step into rescue mode but know the right balance will come with time.
I have refered many people to this site and clients to al-anon and have found insight and personal experience has helped me in my work caring for women.
anyhoo. Hello again. I just feel the need to be here and reconnect.
I read it has been 11 months since I chose freedom, peace and quite and what a blessing it has been. I have had concentration and headspace for my family, friends work and my beloved dog who I got 1 month after AP moved out.
My priorities have been on my own recovery. I have learnt to let go of managing (read controlling) my adult children and it is just a relief to us all. My lovely 16 year old still living at home is blossoming without an alcoholic in our home and lives.
The only negative has been the ex seeking some sort of retribution and link to me has filed a court case to take my assets. I will walk you back just ever so briefly into the history. He was bankrupt when he entered and when he left the relationship, contributed minimally but now wants half my equity. The Cheek and Gall!!!! I wonder how much is to keep me engaged but actually believe he is simply an opportunistic broke drunk. My lawyer does not think he will win, It goes to court Feb 22. We have not spoken since the day he left. All communictaion has been via lawyers and I am grateful he has made no attempt to contact me
I have placed a lid firmly on my feelings about this, prepared a comprehensive detailed responce and trusting the system will see his claim for what it is. However as the case drags closer I am feeling a slowly rising level of anxiety and thinking of him but also thinking a lot about this forum that gave me so much honest support, information and perspective.
so here I am updating and reconnecting with you all.
I had a couple of dates with a pleasant man but knew immediately I am in no way shape or form ready for another intimate relationship. soooo my own healing continues. i have continued to ready extensively books on codependency and recognised myself and my unhealthy patterns. I actually wonder if at times I have dissengaged TOO much from caring for others fearing i will then step into rescue mode but know the right balance will come with time.
I have refered many people to this site and clients to al-anon and have found insight and personal experience has helped me in my work caring for women.
anyhoo. Hello again. I just feel the need to be here and reconnect.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Hello Gold!
What an insightful, wonderful post. Lovely.
I bet you're not detaching too much. It's probably natural to question when we're working to balance out what's our responsibility and what belongs to others. You sound like you're in a wonderful place!
Yes, let go and let the system deal with the X. Acknowledge your feelings as they rise, then let them go as well.
you're awesome! Thank you for posting!
What an insightful, wonderful post. Lovely.
I bet you're not detaching too much. It's probably natural to question when we're working to balance out what's our responsibility and what belongs to others. You sound like you're in a wonderful place!
Yes, let go and let the system deal with the X. Acknowledge your feelings as they rise, then let them go as well.
you're awesome! Thank you for posting!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Ditto what Transformie said--WTG! And smart to come back here for a re-charge as these proceedings come to a close. I think it's natural to feel a bit of anxiety under the circumstances--the key is not to let it run away with you.
You are gonna make out just fine--look at how great you've been doing up to now!
You are gonna make out just fine--look at how great you've been doing up to now!
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Originally Posted by wicked
Silly man wants some assets.
Tell him "Get a job!"
Beth
Tell him "Get a job!"
Beth
hello Gold, thank you for your update, sorry he's still being an arse (that's what us poms would say) but love how you are keeping yourself steady and moving forward.
xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I love this thread - made me laugh and the photo on the beach - priceless!
Way to go, Gold. You sound very centered and strong. Today I am going carry that message with me. Centered and strong. Sounds like a great place to be!
Way to go, Gold. You sound very centered and strong. Today I am going carry that message with me. Centered and strong. Sounds like a great place to be!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Best of luck with the trial, Gold. I just can't imagine any judge would grant him part of your assets since he came and went without any of his own! Bah~!
Glad to see you weren't washed away in the flood/hurricane!
Hugs, HG
Glad to see you weren't washed away in the flood/hurricane!
Hugs, HG
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