Dh got fired
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 71
Dh got fired
Well, DH got fired first thing yesterday morning. Thursday he" just drank a beer at lunch' and someone where he was working called to report he smelled like alcohol. Well, I am sure he had drank a whole lot more than that.Of course, rather than admit he had done something wrong he is furious at the person who called in the report. He has come home from work before so drunk he just reeked and has passed out in the company truck once he was home. That was before August when he went into a 3 day detox. We have no insurance so that is all we could get for him. There was a good after care program and he went for one week and then dropped it.
He had been doing ok. Had started drinking some again with an occasional pill. I knew he would be back where he was before detox soon. But, he had it under control until about a month ago. He broke his elbow at work. Since he had smoked pot regularly he couldn't claim workman's comp and refused to get treatment since we have no insurance and if he missed 6 weeks of work we would be bankrupt. I tried to get him to doctor but he refused. So, he began to take more pills because of the pain. This kills me because the company knew he was hurt at work and knew why he wouldn't get treatment. The company turns a blind eye to the stuff because most of the people are on drugs of one sort or another. And didn't offer any help. Just kept putting him on physically demanding jobs that wouldn't let his arm heal.
But, it is his fault that he couldn't claim workman's comp because of pot. It is his fault he ever drank at work. If he would just learn. But, I know he won't. Just need to fuss a bit and then work on taking care of me and the kids.
When he quacks I just ignore him. GRRRRR
He had been doing ok. Had started drinking some again with an occasional pill. I knew he would be back where he was before detox soon. But, he had it under control until about a month ago. He broke his elbow at work. Since he had smoked pot regularly he couldn't claim workman's comp and refused to get treatment since we have no insurance and if he missed 6 weeks of work we would be bankrupt. I tried to get him to doctor but he refused. So, he began to take more pills because of the pain. This kills me because the company knew he was hurt at work and knew why he wouldn't get treatment. The company turns a blind eye to the stuff because most of the people are on drugs of one sort or another. And didn't offer any help. Just kept putting him on physically demanding jobs that wouldn't let his arm heal.
But, it is his fault that he couldn't claim workman's comp because of pot. It is his fault he ever drank at work. If he would just learn. But, I know he won't. Just need to fuss a bit and then work on taking care of me and the kids.
When he quacks I just ignore him. GRRRRR
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: costa mesa CA
Posts: 4
It is good that he at least has someone there for him that cares and has been trying to support him, a family can be a powerful source of strength. I wish you all the best. Admiting one is at fault is very hard when ya dont look in the mirror and see your self, as you are, in the actions your doing, i hope he does soon .
Be strong and hug the kids
Be strong and hug the kids
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I'm so sorry this has happened as it puts you in a tough bind financially, I'm sure.
It's great to hear you giving his addiction its due credit for affecting this outcome. He gets hurt at work (of course one wonders how much the booze, pot, and pills had to do with it) and can't take care of himself and subsequently those who depend on him because his addiction is the priority in his life.
I know it's tough to put his consequences squarely on his shoulders when those consequences affect you and the kids, but I commend you for doing it.
Growl all you want mama bear and keep moving forward with your cubs.
Maybe now's a good time to take stock of what you want for yourself (and your kids) and consider if he is adding to your life or taking from it. I know finances were a big reason I stayed in my relationship with my XABF. Once he lost his job and our housing, it was a big turning point for me to move on.
Wishing you all the best!
Alice
It's great to hear you giving his addiction its due credit for affecting this outcome. He gets hurt at work (of course one wonders how much the booze, pot, and pills had to do with it) and can't take care of himself and subsequently those who depend on him because his addiction is the priority in his life.
I know it's tough to put his consequences squarely on his shoulders when those consequences affect you and the kids, but I commend you for doing it.
Growl all you want mama bear and keep moving forward with your cubs.
Maybe now's a good time to take stock of what you want for yourself (and your kids) and consider if he is adding to your life or taking from it. I know finances were a big reason I stayed in my relationship with my XABF. Once he lost his job and our housing, it was a big turning point for me to move on.
Wishing you all the best!
Alice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 71
I am so full of anger. While I am working my husband is riding around all day hanging out with his drinking/druggie friends. He is taking them all over town because their car isn't working. He took the car for 4 hours yesterday ( disrupting all our plans) for a drug deal. I had to borrow my MIL's vehicle to take my kids where they needed to go. I had to walk 4 miles back home after I dropped her car at her house. I could have asked my BIL to give me a ride. But, he is part of the problem. I have found out the cops may be watching the house , suspecting AH of drug activity. Isn't it awful that I thought of a possible AH arrest with joy?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
Isn't it awful that I thought of a possible AH arrest with joy?
Nope, not awful at all. It won't put food on the table, but then, he's not doing that right now either. It would give you back your car, though.
Nope, not awful at all. It won't put food on the table, but then, he's not doing that right now either. It would give you back your car, though.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You have children at home?
Both of you might be in trouble with the child protection
agency ....endangering a minor child is illegal.
Yes they do consider active addiction to be a danger.
Just bringing this to your atention....I'm sorry for the situation.
Both of you might be in trouble with the child protection
agency ....endangering a minor child is illegal.
Yes they do consider active addiction to be a danger.
Just bringing this to your atention....I'm sorry for the situation.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I have found out the cops may be watching the house , suspecting AH of drug activity. Isn't it awful that I thought of a possible AH arrest with joy?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
[QUOTE=kptsj;2553247] Rightfully so, kptsj. I understand this anger.
Who is the car registered to? I don't know where you are kptsj, but in my state if you are caught with drugs in the car, the car can be impounded, more expensive trouble for you.
Wow, kptsj, I have been there. My ex took a rental car we had while our car was being repaired and he gave it to the crack dealer. Crack rental. I was active duty Army at the time, he told CID that the car was jacked from him. Of course, they figured out what happened within six hours. It was only with a threat of federal prosecution he told the truth.
After that, he didnt give the car away, but he did disappear for a weekend at a time, and I had two young children to care for.
Take care of yourself, so you can take care of your children.
And no, it is not awful to think this way, I know that the immense relief I felt when my ex was gone (even temporarily) was pretty close to joy.
I am so full of anger.
While I am working my husband is riding around all day hanging out with his drinking/druggie friends. He is taking them all over town because their car isn't working. He took the car for 4 hours yesterday ( disrupting all our plans) for a drug deal.
I had to borrow my MIL's vehicle to take my kids where they needed to go. I had to walk 4 miles back home after I dropped her car at her house. I could have asked my BIL to give me a ride. But, he is part of the problem. I have found out the cops may be watching the house , suspecting AH of drug activity. Isn't it awful that I thought of a possible AH arrest with joy?
After that, he didnt give the car away, but he did disappear for a weekend at a time, and I had two young children to care for.
Take care of yourself, so you can take care of your children.
And no, it is not awful to think this way, I know that the immense relief I felt when my ex was gone (even temporarily) was pretty close to joy.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 405
Dear kptsj,
I am sorry you are going through this.
It is great that you are taking care of yourself and your kids. I can completely understand why you would be angry - he is out having fun while you are responsible for everything and he is making it HARDER for you to be responsible for everything on top of it!
I agree with Alice, maybe it is time to evaluate if he is overall adding to your life or subtracting?
I wish you much strength and love!
I am sorry you are going through this.
It is great that you are taking care of yourself and your kids. I can completely understand why you would be angry - he is out having fun while you are responsible for everything and he is making it HARDER for you to be responsible for everything on top of it!
I agree with Alice, maybe it is time to evaluate if he is overall adding to your life or subtracting?
I wish you much strength and love!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 71
My kids are 19 and 17. I don't have to worry about getting in trouble myself. The cops in town know who is good and bad in this situation.
Car is in hubby's name. Was never been a problem because he had a company vehicle and his friends would pick him up on weekends. Now, he is so deep in his alcoholic quacking that he takes the car just so we can't use it. He has convinced himself I am evil and tells his friends how awful I am.
At this stage my kids would be glad that Dad was in jail. He doesn't deal. And he doesn't do stuff around the house. But, he took someone to get them, one of the useless people he runs around town all day while I am at work. He is so lost. And right now I just wish he would disappear.
And I know he is definitely a minus in my life. Just kinda stuck for the moment, trying to figure out what to do.
Car is in hubby's name. Was never been a problem because he had a company vehicle and his friends would pick him up on weekends. Now, he is so deep in his alcoholic quacking that he takes the car just so we can't use it. He has convinced himself I am evil and tells his friends how awful I am.
At this stage my kids would be glad that Dad was in jail. He doesn't deal. And he doesn't do stuff around the house. But, he took someone to get them, one of the useless people he runs around town all day while I am at work. He is so lost. And right now I just wish he would disappear.
And I know he is definitely a minus in my life. Just kinda stuck for the moment, trying to figure out what to do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I was relieved when XAH went to jail. I knew he was safe and sober for 6 months. I finally decided to get a divorce. It was hard. I was more like a parent than a marriage partner. He was growing pot in the closet and I was a teacher! I had to let go. I slowly made plans. I went to Alanoon. I gave him many chances to get help. I took him to 2 detoxes and 2 treatment centers he left. He was kicked out of inpatient. He lost his job. We seperated and went back together several times. I got sick and tired of it. Pills, pot, and alcohol took him away. I let go. I downsized alot but I am fine now 3 yrs. post divorce. No more chaos or crazy. No more substances. No more lies. I sleep at night. I am financially stable. I'm not worried about police. I am done with lawyers. My health is much better. My spirituality is back. I don't have to be a biotch anymore. I live in serenity. It was sad. The disease is horrible but progressive and if they don't want recovery -let go or be dragged. I heard that in SR and it helped me to take the leap of faith that HP would take care of things. I realized I was codependent and I am now exploring that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: central texas
Posts: 146
I heard that in SR and it helped me to take the leap of faith that HP would take care of things. I realized I was codependent and I am now exploring that.[/QUOTE]
This something that I am going to have to do...step out in faith that God will take care of me and my kids. Thanks for saying this. I am realizing that I am codependent to a degree as well and need to let go and let God as some say.
gina
This something that I am going to have to do...step out in faith that God will take care of me and my kids. Thanks for saying this. I am realizing that I am codependent to a degree as well and need to let go and let God as some say.
gina
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
