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More or less off topic -- Had a WONDERFUL day - until BF arrived



More or less off topic -- Had a WONDERFUL day - until BF arrived

Old 02-26-2010, 11:54 PM
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Unhappy More or less off topic -- Had a WONDERFUL day - until BF arrived

I enjoyed my day at the office. I laughed a lot with my coworkers. I went to a mesotherapy session with a neighbor, she is from my same city and we talked about a lot of things... nice lady... she also gives some alternative therapies and told me many women go to ask for something for their partners to stop drinking... I felt bad for them..

Then I went to a little spa and bought a massage oil that smells delicious... got my eyebrows trimmed (I looked like Frida Khalo already) and enjoyed the chat with a woman my age.

Then I passed near an arcade, played the shooting game (I am good in the precision exercise with the human siluette!!!!!!!!), won 2 chocolates. Got them under the pillow as a surprise for BF.

Ironed some BF's stuff, put some order around, waited for 4 hours while he came back from work.. .at 11 I call and he says he went with his boss for a drink.. ok I say. I truly don't mind he is out, I LOVE being alone with my cats. I spent hours taking care of things, some of them his...I was singing and very content... looking forward for him to arrive...

Then he arrives... a little tipsy. Makes advances. I reject him. We try to chat and he says "oh no... YOU dont even IMAGINE how much I work!!! huh! YOU got no idea..." and I was like "huh?" I felt that my job and intelligence were insulted. I tried to breathe to no avail. I told him I wanted him not to make those comments anymore (not new). He said OK.

Then he says "let me wash the dishes... you deserve it" HUH? I asked "why?" and he said "because you look pretty"

HUH? so I said "if I looked ugly you wouldn't wash the dishes? you say that as it was a PLUS and a big favor?" then he started "why does God does this to me??? I'm a good man...." ohh the victim...

By then I realized I was triggering all right, I told him in HALT I was angry and tired, and that we should sleep and maybe tomorrow things are different. I asked him not to talk anymore tonight.

Then he asked if he could give me a massage. My glance back said it all.

He is now asleep.




It didn't help that I got my music in shuffle and a song that reminded me of XABF when in our good times played. Not that I missed him in the same pathetic way I used to, but I remembered a few good moments. When I pass he looks away. I wondered if in any tiny little part of him he also remembers the days together that were beautiful. If it is really true he erased everything from his mind and heart. Probably.


Anyway... back to the topic...

I was soooooooo excited about our trip and things and now I realize I'm still supercodie and I still feel I do soooooooooo much more than him... put so much more than him to the plate in almost all areas....... and I think again my life may be better without this person... I was almost crying of gratitude and joy in my heart then I come down so very easily... my sanity and recovery are much more fragile than I thought.

You know, during mesotherapy I asked for some remedy to fight pessimism for my BF who seems very frustrated with life. Now I tell myself, to stop trying to be a good gf and don't spend any extra penny on him or do anything nice for him, because I resent him afterwards....... and that that remedy will be better used if I am the one taking it.

You would think I have learned not to try change or improve someone, that they have to get tired of who they are.


And now I'll go next room to cry because alcohol still affects my life. But I feel fine because I no longer swallow these things... before I would have acted strong and kept it all to myself.. know I share my errors and steps back and accept my vulnerability and feelings..that's progress at least...

Ok be right back thank you, thank you for being out there.
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Old 02-27-2010, 12:06 AM
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PS to MissFixIt: you are very wise staying single.
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Old 02-27-2010, 03:29 AM
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Oh TC, I am so sorry you had such a yuk time with BF after such a good day, and enjoying so much before he got home.

Fortunately you are not the person you were some time back, and took it all in without just gritting your teeth and letting it fester inside. Now you can look at what you want and expect and do what you need to meet those things for you, and isn't that proof of how far you are along recovery for you.

It is disappointing for this to occur, and the last sort of hassle you planned, but I have no doubt you will handle it as it needs to be.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless
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Old 02-27-2010, 04:50 AM
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No advice, just hugs.
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Old 02-27-2010, 05:20 PM
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Thank you very much.
I went to my yoga room and hugged my cats. I cried and asked HP to please, please show me very clearly who this person is.. just what I asked from XABF. I asked Him to please help me taking decisions.....
I came back and slept until 1030AM. Then Iwent to my dance lesson. BF came back and he was frustrated, he is very angry with his dad, felt he doesn't care about him. Or her mom. I detected he was sad so I just hugged him and I told him it was not OK for him to say hurtful things, but also due to "the past" I remember bad things when someone is drunk.


Then we went to the coworkers BBQ. Had more or less a good time. Now we are watching a football match.. well he is, I am going to work a little...

Thank you for listening, and for your support. It means a lot to me. I feel better now. I trust HP will show me reality, will show me the path for me. All prayers are answered. I really really believe that.

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Old 02-27-2010, 05:32 PM
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PS Yesterday I asked a specialist in homepathy about BF and how he seems frustrated, resented and angry with life and his circumstances. He gave me a remedy for him, something like bach flowers and told me I could put it in secret in his drinks. I didn't go for that, I told BF I had sthing that may help him. Just to see if he was willing to improve. He accepted.... so I feel a little bit more comforted now.... he also apologized and it seemed sincere.

Thanks, thanks for being out there.
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Old 02-27-2010, 07:23 PM
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Glad things are a bit happier for you today TC.

God bless
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