BeautifulG

I don't know why...

Its been well over a year now since I moved out.

I drive by his work every night on the way home. At least one night out of three, I end up sobbing over the whole stupid thing.

Most of the time, I feel really great about life. Why do I cry so much? I'm tired of it.

coffeedrinker

have you been crying one night per week for a year? i think if that's the case, there is something that is deep and you could address in that in therapy. have you ever done that? some of us cry more - i'm one who does cry alot, but not as much as some people - we are all different.

IamSaved

I find myself crying at the weirdest times too. I try to avoid driving by his house or work. Is there another way for you to go home, so that you don't have to do the 'drive by' and get all those feelings started up again?

BeautifulG

I don't have insurance for therapy right now. I lost medical insurance when I filed for divorce. I wish I could. I'd say 1-2 nights a week, I end up crying

DesertEyes

Hello BeautifulG and pleased to "meet" you.

I did too. Cried straight thru for _weeks_. Then I'd get a day reprieve now and again, then a couple days. A year after we separated? Oh yeah at least once a week.

For me it's because I kept reminding myself of the fantasy I _thought_ my marriage was. You mentioned in another thread that your divorce is not final, that you still talk to him. I did that too, and every time it just brought all the pain back.

Not that different from picking at a scab.

I had to go "no contact" for the entire second year, and that made a _huge_ difference. I also tried some dating... that was a major disaster but it helped me feel normal.

The third year I was able to have some nice conversations with her, and no tears. By then I had done the 12 steps in al-anon _twice_, and worked out my whole "addiction to fantasy". I realized that I was in love with a woman that was half real, and half a fantasy in my head.

It's been 5 years. I don't cry anymore. I miss the good times we had, but I've given up the fantasy and can see that marriage in a realistic light. I'm doing a lot better at the dating thing, and I have a whole new life that I _love_.

Look around here on SR. Everybody heals, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but we all build a new life for ourselves. You will too. Just keep coming back

Mike

freefalling

I was a crying mess for the year after separation. I think I cried every single day for hours on end. That was the only way I could deal with the pain of breaking trough denial. People deal with pain in different ways. My therapist told me to cry when I needed to but to discipline myself when my children were with me.

Remember you do not only mourn for the end of a dream. I mourned the loss of a father for my children (for now),I mourned the loss of my inlaws, I mourned the loss of income and financial security. I mourned the loss of me. I mourned the loss of my youth (24 years together).I mourned the loss of my physical and mental health. The list can go on and on and it is the same for all of us. We have to mourn to move on sucessfully.

I had to cry or run back to my "drug of choice"

We are now separated for nearly 3 years and I cry maybe once a month!

It gets better

Hugs