aah1977

Well, it finally happened. My husband is sitting in jail tonight. I've been wondering all week when this was going to happen and I have a million questions. For at least 3 or 4 weeks he has been saying really cryptic and weird things to me. On Tuesday he came out and said he wanted me to talk to his lawyer before he told me everything, but made it seem as if he was caught up in some sort of undercover thing. Honestly, I was hoping it was the truth, but I didn't actually believe it.

I received a call from FIL this morning that he did get a call from a bail bondsman last night, but came away from the call with very little other than he was scheduled for a bond hearing at 9:30 today, but his lawyer wanted to move it to Friday. The charges were just for marijuana, but from looking at the hundreds of text messages on his phone that wasn't what he was involved in. My plan was going to be to ignore it for the day and just DETACH! I was walking out the door to go to work when he called. While we were talking he asked me to call a number with my cell and put both phones on speaker. The phone I was calling was on the other line, but the person called me back. When I answered he had this real thug kind of way saying "Yo, who this?" I said my full name and said whose wife I was and his accent changed and he went to a more formal way of talking. Once the phone was on speaker my AH and this man were talking about all this crazy stuff and it became very clear what was going on and this person was a cop. I lost it crying. They ended the call with the man telling my husband to have his lawyer call him and they would work out the details. I swear I almost threw up right there! He had been telling me the truth, but whatever he was suppose to do didn't go as planned.

All day has been a blur of phone calls. His parents were here earlier and they were trying to decide what involvement they want. When AH gets out he can not come here and my MIL doesn't want him there. My FIL is a little more interested in helping my H, but I am totally against it. He lost his job today because he never showed up and hadn't been there all week. He had told his job that our son had been in the hospital with brochitis! He promised them he would be at a mandatory meeting this morning no matter what and guess what? He wasn't cause he was in jail. They called my cell asking for his laptop and files back. So with no job he has no income, no ability to drive (he had a restricted license), no where to live so I know that no matter what he will not be able to stay clean with all those things against him.

I have an appointment with my divorce lawyer on Monday and that can't get here soon enough. I just want to be free from him. H, his dad, and the lawyer are meeting tomorrow before the bond hearing. Part of me wants to go because I want to know what is going on and know what I'll be dealing with because I am still married to him, I do still care about him (although I 100% don't want to be married to him), and because he is my son's father. I don't want him to think that my being there is a sign of support. It just feels like curiosity has gotten the best of me. Plus, I want to be able to go into the divorce attorneys office with as much information as I possibly can in order for her to represent me the best she can. Things are going to get pretty messy and I want he to know as much as she possibly can. If I don't go to that meeting I may not really know what to tell her.

I'm very scared right now! I'm not worried about him at all. He can rot in jail for all I care. I'm just worried about what I'm going to do about my house-I can't afford it by myself. I'm totally left to deal with every decision now. Do I fix up the house to sell, try to rent it out, or just let it foreclose? Do I get an apartment or move in with my parents so I can save money? What do I do with my 2 pups? I can't take them both (over 100 pound labradors) so I'm going to either separate them or give them both up. Then there is my little boy-he turns 2 in two weeks and I'm so worried about how is future is going to be. I am now a single mom who won't be getting any support and most likely my H won't really be involved in his life. I'm so sick over that!

My head is finally pounding, but I don't think I will get much sleep. I can't believe this is all happening.

hello-kitty

If he wants to stay clean he could. Those things have nothing to do with it. They will just be excuses to continue to use. It sounds like you know the deal.

All I can say is don't future-trip about things that haven't happened yet. Take it one day at a time. The universe strives for balance and things have a funny way of working themselves out - if we let it. All you can do is focus on meeting your immediate needs and the needs of your child (safety, security, shelter, food and most important love). As long as he has one parent that can hold it together he will be fine. That parent is you. You are strong and resourceful. He's lucky you are in his corner. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

All you need to do is put one foot in front of the other and just keep moving forward. I love to quote Dori from the movie "Nemo" when things get overwhelming.

"Just keep swimming... just keep swimming... what do we do? We swim-swim-swim."

tjp613

In these economic times, if I were you I'd just stay in the house and call the mortgage company and try to make some kind of modified payment for a few months. Even if you paid nothing, it'd probably be a year before you got kicked out. Might as well milk it for all you can because either way your credit is probably screwed.

I'm very sorry you're going thru all this.....it sux. ((((Hugs))))

Spiritual Seeker

You've made the hard decision...divorce

I divorced yrs. ago also when my son was two.
You just have to get on with it.
You and your son will be fine once you figure out how to pick up the pieces of your life and make a future for yourselves.
Thankfully, you have supportive parents.

coffeedrinker

i wish i had some words of comfort for you.
just want you to know, i'm sorry you're going through this.

crazytrain

I'm getting divorced too....
I lost the house, no job...bleak finances...we are broke.
But I have my little boys and my sanity....NO MONEY CAN BUY THAT!
I'm starting over...I know it will get better.
I can smile again (yes with days of crying, but I'm not 'crazy' anymore!)
YOu will find solutions. It will get better once you are in the clear.

sofacat

We women are every resourceful....there is no doubt in my mind that you will come to a comfortable place in all of this.

I have to agree with tjp....the banks don't want your house right now....they have too many. Loan Modifications are available to you through the Obama plan. Please look into this, there are many options for you right now. My Mother did it and it has helped her a great deal, and lowered her monthly payments.

Just try not to pile, okay? And if you're like Me....my dogs give me such comfort and unconditional love....they will lick your tears and wag you through it! I can always count on them to make me smile. That's something you can use right now.

Who knows....you may just find an incredible roomie that can be your best friend.

One day at a time, okay? We're here with you!

((((((( hugs )))))))))

aah1977

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. I know the days to come are going to be really tough, but I've been through so much already this almost feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders even though so many more weights have been added.

I'm going to go meet with them today because I just need to hear as much as I can about what is going on. I plan on calling the mortage company to let them know what has happened. I'm not sure they will modify our loan because we had already done that last year when we both lost jobs and ended up making a combined $35,000 less a year. So, not sure if they will be very accomodating. I almost just want out of this place. I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. This was OUR home that WE started our life together in. Our family started here and there were so many unfulfilled plans and dream. There are also some beautiful memories and I'm so torn. I do know over the coming weeks I'm going to start packing a lot of the stuff up and moving it to storage. My parents actually live right next door so a good option would be to go live with them and rent my house out until I'm in a better place financially,emotionally and the housing market is better.

My next hurdle is telling my parents what is going on and that will not be easy.

I'm just going to keep swimming like hello-kitty said. I know there will be bright days in the future I've just got to get through this today. I have a good family. good friends, a good job, an amazing son so I know my life will be much better one day. Its just pretty damn dark right now.

hello-kitty

Here's to a better day today!

aah1977

Today hasn't gotten much better. I went to the hearing and spoke with the lawyer beforehand. I don't know much else about the situation. He did get bond, but no one has put it up for him. His parents plan on doing that on Tuesday, but I don't think that is the best idea. They will do what they think is best, but he absolutely can't come back to our house. So much stuff has come up over the last 2 days about him and the things he has done to feed his habit. I literally could throw up if I thought about the stuff he did just over the last 2 months. It is amazing how quickly his life went down the toilet.

I still haven't told my parents what is going on. I meet with my divorce attorney on Monday and am debating on waiting to tell them until I've met with her. I know I didn't do anything, but I am having the hardest time telling them. I know how worried they are going to be about me and my son.

I'm just really sad right now-sad that I actually believed in him. I stuck with him and I really hoped that after rehab he had the tools to stay clean. He had an excellent support system yet he chose to return to drugs. Not only did he return to drugs, but he has supposedly been selling them, embezzeling money, shacking up with a crack *****, stealing from his friends, ignoring his family and it just goes on and on. There is a beautiful family photo of us when my son was 8 weeks old on the entertainment center and it just kills me that we will never be that family again.

hello-kitty

Well there's always tomorrow then. The right decisions aren't usually the easiest ones to follow through on but they are the ones that make the best days in the long run.

The photograph is sad. But it's just a photograph that represents a dream family. It's not real. It's a picture. I have one of my son's father with me and our son at Christmas time. Our son was 5 months old. It was right before my sons dad got busted and went back to prison. My baby likes to look at it. His dad was higher than a kite in that photo. And dealing dope at the time - staying up for days and sleeping for days. Hanging out with wh***s, hookers and dealers. And writing bad checks (on my account) to get more money to get high. He was lying and manipulating and disrespecting me and my life.

Yeah. He takes a nice picture... But he isn't a good father or husband (or anyone I'd want to be yoked to fulltime) because he chooses drugs over his family. That's reality.

BTW,

He does have the tools he needs to stay clean. He's just choosing not to use them. What a bummer his parents are bailing him out of jail.