RacerX

An interesting thing happened to me last night. To be brief, I had a dinner function that I attended last night with a lot of people in my industry (most of whom I know very well). Anyways, the booze was flowing pretty heavily and, as it was a free bar, you can guess what the scene looked like.

I had my wife with me who doesn't understand my alcoholism but she does accept it (what more can I ask for?) and has been a huge rock for me in my sobriety. Anyways, the cool thing was that I didn't feel any sort of cravings, etc. I can't take any sort of praise for this as it was just a lot of prayer that helped me through the night.

I digress. Anyways, I had not one, not two, not three, but FOUR different people that I got to talk with that asked me if I needed a drink and then, when I answered 'no', asked me why I wasn't drinking (I used to be the 'life' of the party with plenty of booze in me).

I answered them that, quite simply, I had quit. I think 2 of the 4 asked me why and I just told them I thought it would be better for my health and had just made a decision to give it up.

The interesting thing to me was the response I got from each one of them. It went from "that's really, really cool" to some sort of reverent awe...kind of like an "I wish I could do that" sort of response.

Anyways, it just kind of hit me after the party that I've spent so much time wishing I could drink like a normal person while, at the same time, I ran into 4 people that came across like they wish they could do what I'm doing and not drink at all.

Anyways, for those who have that kind of 'the grass is greener on the other side' philosophy when it comes to drinking, please remember that we are on the green side and that life without alcohol is true life indeed.

As a final aside, I had a great time and found out that I can still be funny, comfortable in my own skin, etc, without having a drink in my hand. A small victory is still a victory in my book!

RacerX

Astro

Way to take action Racer, excellent progress!

littlefish

Yes, you are making fantastic progress! I remember the first thing I noticed when I stopped drinking was that many other people drank little or nothing at social events. When I drank, I always kept my eye on the big drinkers and kept up with them.

I never noticed the people who would nurse one drink the whole night and leave 1/2 of it unfinished. I was out recently with three friends. Two of them ordered nothing alcoholic to drink and the third ordered a beer, she didn't finish it.

Fandy

I don't know if i would have the personal courage to tell people I have given up drinking as you did. i still consider it my "dirty little secret". i haven't come into any social situations yet, but I still don't know if i could share without worrying about people's opinions of me...that little voice on my shoulder "ooooh Fandy CAN'T drink responsibly...she loses control...she has a problem with a capitol P"

i do like you spin on things Racer, it makes an interesting concept to consider.

littlefish

Telling or not telling is a personal decision for everyone, and I think it depends as well on who we are telling. In some situations, it gives us strength to tell people we aren't drinking.
A couple of years ago when I was quitting/relapsing/quitting...etc, before I started an outpatient rehab and AA.....I visited some close friends and told them I couldn't drink because of a medical condition.

I will probably visit them again in the future and I've decided to tell them I am not drinking because I am a recovering alcoholic. It will make it a lot easier in general for me.

but in other situations, with other people, I probably may never tell. It all depends on the people and the circumstances.

RacerX

Hi Fandy,

I totally understand this fear and I'm right there with you. The interesting thing is that I had this whole scenario played out in my head about people making it a big deal when it really was the biggest non-issue overall. Remember that what goes on between our ears many times is NOT reality, but our alcoholic brain trying to make things reality.

littlefish's post was great about this being our personal choice on whom to tell and not tell that we are alcoholics and I'll take it a step further. My sponsor has suggested that I pass it by him before I tell someone. His reasoning is that I need to make sure that my telling someone would actually benefit them in some way and not be a burden on them.

That makes a lot of sense if you think about it. While it might feel good for me to get it off my chest with someone, I need to be respecful of that person and think through if this will actually benefit them in some way or instead just throw out a big issue that they might not know what to do with.

Anyways, it did indeed make me think about it and it just reinforced once again that I've been matched with the right sponsor!

RacerX

Fandy

another pearl of wisdom from you....."what goes on between our ears many times is not reality", whether it has to do with alcohol or not in my case.....I can make Mount Everst out of an ant hill.

and I agree with not putting a burden on others....nor do I want them to treat me differently.

EllaBella

Brilliant thoughts guys, was wondering about "coming out", this helps a lot. One should choose wisely with whom to share. And if you do so remember "Shared joy is a double joy, shared sorrow is half a sorrow"

DanielP

It's pretty cool when you crossover from thinking the drinks made you funny and witty to realizing you're actually more entertaining and spot-on socially not drinking. It's tough for me to click in social situations generally--I'm more of a sit-back and analyze before speaking type. When I drank I switched over to a blurt anything out type. Occasionally I'd hit the mark, but more often than not I was "inappropriate" in my response, often jaw-droppingly inappropriate. Now I'm no longer getting feedback like "I can't believe you said that." I no longer have to say, "Do I need to apologize to...?"

SunshineState

Great post RacerX! What a wonderful perspective for you to have. I am early in my recovery and it's very uplifting to read.

RacerX

Very well said and an excellent quote. I've realized that I need to be careful about swing too far to the other side as well. What I mean is that I need to make sure I don't use my sponsor's words of wisdom as an excuse NOT to tell someone that I really should.

Again, the important thing for me is to get with my sponsor before sharing my story. Else, I just tell people that I've made a decision not to drink anymore for health reasons and that's enough for me.

RacerX