Learning about triggers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Learning about triggers
Tigger is learning what triggers are. 
So here I am, struggling minute by minute, but mostly doing all the right things to heal from this devastating split from my STBXAH and learning what codependency means, and how deeply ensconced I am in it. You've all heard all that I'm doing... counselor, F&F, activities at a new church, eating right, sleeping well, regular customer of my doctor, remaining NC with AH, not seeing any other men, etc, etc.
So Saturday, I went to an all day seminar at church. It addressed some of the same family-of-origin issues I've been dealing with with the counselor (whom I love!), but did so in a small group setting. It was very intense. Although this is absolutely good work for me to do, it was traumatic for me apparently. There was also a young man there with his young wife who was dealing with anger, and talked about sometimes throwing their dog across a room. I nearly walked out then and there because of the memories it brought back of AH beating our Labradoodle.
Sunday I spent most of the day in bed or on the couch, didn't go to church, and could hardly put one foot in front of another. Again. Monday at work I was dragging, too. Finally felt better this morning, and realized in retrospect that I'd been depressed. Chatted with my wonderful counselor this evening, and she essentially said; "Sure! You were overloaded and not in a safe place."
Counselor asked me how I'd speak to a child if that child were in a similar situation.
I'd say something like; "Honey? Are you okay? Let's leave the room for a minute. Are you okay staying here, or would you like to leave and go get ice cream?" Is there any reason why I shouldn't treat myself like that? Not at all!
I didn't have any advice to seek, or questions to ask here on F&F. Just venting and sharing. It's a wild ride learning how to recognize depression and triggers in myself, and reading my own reactions, and beginning to learn how to deal with them, and not a little frightening.
It's good to begin to learn how to take care of me. Quite a switch.
Thanks for listening/reading!
Hugs - Tigger
So here I am, struggling minute by minute, but mostly doing all the right things to heal from this devastating split from my STBXAH and learning what codependency means, and how deeply ensconced I am in it. You've all heard all that I'm doing... counselor, F&F, activities at a new church, eating right, sleeping well, regular customer of my doctor, remaining NC with AH, not seeing any other men, etc, etc.
So Saturday, I went to an all day seminar at church. It addressed some of the same family-of-origin issues I've been dealing with with the counselor (whom I love!), but did so in a small group setting. It was very intense. Although this is absolutely good work for me to do, it was traumatic for me apparently. There was also a young man there with his young wife who was dealing with anger, and talked about sometimes throwing their dog across a room. I nearly walked out then and there because of the memories it brought back of AH beating our Labradoodle.
Sunday I spent most of the day in bed or on the couch, didn't go to church, and could hardly put one foot in front of another. Again. Monday at work I was dragging, too. Finally felt better this morning, and realized in retrospect that I'd been depressed. Chatted with my wonderful counselor this evening, and she essentially said; "Sure! You were overloaded and not in a safe place."
Counselor asked me how I'd speak to a child if that child were in a similar situation.
I'd say something like; "Honey? Are you okay? Let's leave the room for a minute. Are you okay staying here, or would you like to leave and go get ice cream?" Is there any reason why I shouldn't treat myself like that? Not at all!
I didn't have any advice to seek, or questions to ask here on F&F. Just venting and sharing. It's a wild ride learning how to recognize depression and triggers in myself, and reading my own reactions, and beginning to learn how to deal with them, and not a little frightening.
It's good to begin to learn how to take care of me. Quite a switch.
Thanks for listening/reading!
Hugs - Tigger
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Wow, Tigger, that is awesome recovery you're sharing
I've had similar situations that "trigger" me, much like you described. My therapist also taught me that "what if you had a child with you" technique. It works really good for me. One of the things I did for my own "inner child" is I learned how to juggle. Now I like to juggle rolls of paper towels at the grocery store when we go shopping.
Makes my g/f a little crazy
Thanx for reminding me of that "inner child", cuz I've been a little remiss these last few days and I need to give "him" a little attention.
Mike
I've had similar situations that "trigger" me, much like you described. My therapist also taught me that "what if you had a child with you" technique. It works really good for me. One of the things I did for my own "inner child" is I learned how to juggle. Now I like to juggle rolls of paper towels at the grocery store when we go shopping.
Makes my g/f a little crazy
Thanx for reminding me of that "inner child", cuz I've been a little remiss these last few days and I need to give "him" a little attention.
Mike
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Aha moment for Tigger. I suppose if my counselor had told me that's what she was talking about (inner child stuff), I would have rejected it offhand as being too "old school" and typical. Tell me something new, or I'll reject it. I'm such a snob! My counselor knew that if she wrapped a small child rather than a label around it, as a passionate Mom, I'd fall for it instantly. She's gooooood. And I learn valuable lessons every, single day.
- Humbled Tigg
And I learn valuable lessons every, single day. - Humbled Tigg
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
