Not sure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 139
Not sure
I'm not sure why I'm posting, but I feel like I need to, and I feel like I need a hug and a vacation from my life. Maybe posting/writing it all down will help.
So, as you know I ended things with him. My ABF is now my XABF.
AT first he was nasty, then got better.
This all occured around the 12th, 13th, 14th.
I was relieved, he was distraught.
He said he owed his life to me, and that I saved him. He went to an AA meeting and say's he succesfully completed steps 1-5 of the 12. (yes, after doing some reading and after 1 AA meeting)
He then got really sick, and even he's not sure if it was a flu, stress or withdrawl.
A medical issue he had dealt with last January came back late last week. (rectal abcess)
Then on Saturday night (this past Saturday, the 20th) his Father died in his sleep, heart attack.
My heart is completely broken for him. He was still trying to deal with us breaking up, starting his life over, being sick and dealing with intense pain from the abcess...and then his Father dies.
So, fast forward to yesterday morning, he's supposed to get on a plane with his sister to go to Florida where his Father was living.
He emails me very early and tells me that HE is in the hospital. I completely panicked. I was so worried. Then he told me that he was there because the abcess was too painful and he needed to have it lanced and drained. (ew! and ouch!) After that was done he had to leave immediately to go and get on a plane to go to Florida.
At this point, my stress levels due to everything were through the roof. My Mom keeps asking me how the heck I'm dealing with everything, and my answer is always "I have no idea"
So...because I still consider him a friend (we share a son together) I asked him to let me know that he had landed safely. He did that.
He then told something that made me so incredibly angry.
His sister, had kept on bugging him to pull over so she could get some beer. (as they were headed to thier hotel)
Like, are you kidding me? His sister? She knows he's going to AA, and she said she was proud of him etc.....and now she wants to drink infront of him? Is it just me? Or is this a horrible thing to do?
Right after he and I broke up he told his best friend, and told his best friend how he's quitting drinking and a couple days after that he got a text from said best friend asking him if they were going "to get hammered this weekend"
My XABF said that THAT was not a friend, someone who would do that.
His own sister did it!! I'm so angry!
It's not like she wanted a few drinks to calm herself due to her father's death...this woman wants to stay there for days later than they are supposed to so that she can go sight seeing and go to DisneyLand!!! Like, are you KIDDING me?
He emailed this morning to ask how his son was, I then asked if his sister was still trying to have drinks around him and he said that yes she did. I told him I couldn't talk to him about that anymore.
I am NOT his girlfriend, it's THIER life etc. I just feel awful that here he is, trying to better himself, get sober and she's doing that. On top of all that, he has to deal with the loss of his Father.
A funny thing occured though......after he told me she did drink.....I started wondering "Did he have a beer with her?" then I thought "Naw, he couldn't have" and you know what? It started....my brain was telling me "I'm not sure what to believe! He tells me he didn't, but do I believe him?" I'm not sure.
I HATE having that doubt!
Which is why I am no longer with him in the first place.
I sincerely, for his sake, hope he's being honest, and was strong enough to pass on a few beers. But really, it's not my business.
But...from all of the stress of the past few days, now *I'M* the one who's not feeling well. I'm losing weight, I was having some stomach trouble yesterday, today I'm exhausted, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I got up, made the kids lunches, got them to school. They were running behind because we had a snow storm last night, snow everywhere, so after I dropped them off they had to run to the doors. I watched my 6 year old (grade 1) trying to run, with her snowpants on it was difficult and she stopped and just walked. After the doors close, they lock, so I was sitting in my van, 2 year old in his car seat and I could feel myself start to panic. From what I saw she was one of the only kids trying to make it to the doors, and I wanted to throw up thinking "What if she can't get in? What will SHE do? Will SHE panic? Will she walk around to the front of the school? Will there be someone there to let her in?" It was a horrible feeling. I wanted to get out and run through the snow in my running shoes to help her....but figured I'd leave her be and see what happens. As she was walking up, I could see another parent walk up with 2 kids and someone inside let them in.
Normally in that situation I'd panic, but not to that extent. My nerves are shot!
Then I get home...open the fridge to get the milk out and see lunch meat in there and another wave of panic set in and I thought "OMG, I forgot to give the kids sandwiches in thier lunches!"
But I hadn't forgotten...I gave them something different.
I felt like I was going crazy!
So I sat on my couch with a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea. I didn't FEEL sad, but my eyes had other ideas. Tears started welling up, I had to keep blinking. It kept happening, over and over again. I didn't feel like I needed to cry for anything, but the tears came anyways!
Is this stress? Am I crazy?
So, as you know I ended things with him. My ABF is now my XABF.
AT first he was nasty, then got better.
This all occured around the 12th, 13th, 14th.
I was relieved, he was distraught.
He said he owed his life to me, and that I saved him. He went to an AA meeting and say's he succesfully completed steps 1-5 of the 12. (yes, after doing some reading and after 1 AA meeting)
He then got really sick, and even he's not sure if it was a flu, stress or withdrawl.
A medical issue he had dealt with last January came back late last week. (rectal abcess)
Then on Saturday night (this past Saturday, the 20th) his Father died in his sleep, heart attack.
My heart is completely broken for him. He was still trying to deal with us breaking up, starting his life over, being sick and dealing with intense pain from the abcess...and then his Father dies.
So, fast forward to yesterday morning, he's supposed to get on a plane with his sister to go to Florida where his Father was living.
He emails me very early and tells me that HE is in the hospital. I completely panicked. I was so worried. Then he told me that he was there because the abcess was too painful and he needed to have it lanced and drained. (ew! and ouch!) After that was done he had to leave immediately to go and get on a plane to go to Florida.
At this point, my stress levels due to everything were through the roof. My Mom keeps asking me how the heck I'm dealing with everything, and my answer is always "I have no idea"
So...because I still consider him a friend (we share a son together) I asked him to let me know that he had landed safely. He did that.
He then told something that made me so incredibly angry.
His sister, had kept on bugging him to pull over so she could get some beer. (as they were headed to thier hotel)
Like, are you kidding me? His sister? She knows he's going to AA, and she said she was proud of him etc.....and now she wants to drink infront of him? Is it just me? Or is this a horrible thing to do?
Right after he and I broke up he told his best friend, and told his best friend how he's quitting drinking and a couple days after that he got a text from said best friend asking him if they were going "to get hammered this weekend"
My XABF said that THAT was not a friend, someone who would do that.
His own sister did it!! I'm so angry!
It's not like she wanted a few drinks to calm herself due to her father's death...this woman wants to stay there for days later than they are supposed to so that she can go sight seeing and go to DisneyLand!!! Like, are you KIDDING me?
He emailed this morning to ask how his son was, I then asked if his sister was still trying to have drinks around him and he said that yes she did. I told him I couldn't talk to him about that anymore.
I am NOT his girlfriend, it's THIER life etc. I just feel awful that here he is, trying to better himself, get sober and she's doing that. On top of all that, he has to deal with the loss of his Father.
A funny thing occured though......after he told me she did drink.....I started wondering "Did he have a beer with her?" then I thought "Naw, he couldn't have" and you know what? It started....my brain was telling me "I'm not sure what to believe! He tells me he didn't, but do I believe him?" I'm not sure.
I HATE having that doubt!
Which is why I am no longer with him in the first place.
I sincerely, for his sake, hope he's being honest, and was strong enough to pass on a few beers. But really, it's not my business.
But...from all of the stress of the past few days, now *I'M* the one who's not feeling well. I'm losing weight, I was having some stomach trouble yesterday, today I'm exhausted, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I got up, made the kids lunches, got them to school. They were running behind because we had a snow storm last night, snow everywhere, so after I dropped them off they had to run to the doors. I watched my 6 year old (grade 1) trying to run, with her snowpants on it was difficult and she stopped and just walked. After the doors close, they lock, so I was sitting in my van, 2 year old in his car seat and I could feel myself start to panic. From what I saw she was one of the only kids trying to make it to the doors, and I wanted to throw up thinking "What if she can't get in? What will SHE do? Will SHE panic? Will she walk around to the front of the school? Will there be someone there to let her in?" It was a horrible feeling. I wanted to get out and run through the snow in my running shoes to help her....but figured I'd leave her be and see what happens. As she was walking up, I could see another parent walk up with 2 kids and someone inside let them in.
Normally in that situation I'd panic, but not to that extent. My nerves are shot!
Then I get home...open the fridge to get the milk out and see lunch meat in there and another wave of panic set in and I thought "OMG, I forgot to give the kids sandwiches in thier lunches!"
But I hadn't forgotten...I gave them something different.
I felt like I was going crazy!
So I sat on my couch with a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea. I didn't FEEL sad, but my eyes had other ideas. Tears started welling up, I had to keep blinking. It kept happening, over and over again. I didn't feel like I needed to cry for anything, but the tears came anyways!
Is this stress? Am I crazy?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,864
(((Elsie))) No dear, you are not crazy, but yes, you are stressed. No wonder you feel sick. We just keep pushing and pushing ourselves to deal with life's crap, but when our bodies have had enough, they'll let us know. You body is telling you to stop! Let your ex handle his own problems. You need to take care of yourself. Can you enlist the help of your mom for the kids for a little while? If you don't give yourself a break, I'm afraid you are the one who could end up in the hospital. Please take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: salt lake city utah
Posts: 28
I am there with you but I am still with my AH and the thing you go through with his family is not right! You did the right thing to get out and it takes time to let go of the worry for him... all the feeling will come and go.. the denial that he isnt drinking... the anger that he maybe liying to you about the drinking... the sadness that he is drinking or that how could his family not understand about alocholism... then eventually the acceptance comes it will put you at ease and you will know you did the right thing and you cant change him and he has to change on his own... I am sorry to hear how you feel bc there are times the same thing happens to me and I feel the tears well up and I tell myself I cant cry in front of my AH... You took the first step which is always the hardest and you will get through this... do you go to Al anon? Its a place like here where you can get out your frustrations and they will understand... You Will make it through this :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Mad, Crazy? No, not yet...but honey you are stressed out.
Can you ask someone, your mum, (mum's are handy folk) for a helping hand?
Repeat to yourself "It is out of my hands", and hand it over to God to take care of your x, while you relax and get back your calm.
This is why you are NOT with him, the hassles etc were too much then and you had to say goodbye, and you do not want to go back there.
As for his sister, well...While she does DisneyLand, I hope Dumbo lands on her.
God bless
Can you ask someone, your mum, (mum's are handy folk) for a helping hand?
Repeat to yourself "It is out of my hands", and hand it over to God to take care of your x, while you relax and get back your calm.
This is why you are NOT with him, the hassles etc were too much then and you had to say goodbye, and you do not want to go back there.
As for his sister, well...While she does DisneyLand, I hope Dumbo lands on her.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Aww, honey!
You left him! Holy cow, does that take ovaries!
I am doing better myself, but I have had a few weeks of not being hungry, having a sore stomach and feeling slightly ill after I eat. I only want to eat sugar! LOL!
I feel super tired when my husband comes home, I think because I am drained by everything.
I have a hard time going to sleep some nights and don't want to get out of bed in the morning.
Stress.
It's normal. I mean, this level of stress isn't normal, but the anxiety is expected when one is under this kind of stress.
I am working on relaxing. Taking care of me. Warm baths. Art projects. Snuggles with the cat and dog. Yoga and meditation.
Take care yo'self, too.
Hugs.
w
You left him! Holy cow, does that take ovaries!
I am doing better myself, but I have had a few weeks of not being hungry, having a sore stomach and feeling slightly ill after I eat. I only want to eat sugar! LOL!
I feel super tired when my husband comes home, I think because I am drained by everything.
I have a hard time going to sleep some nights and don't want to get out of bed in the morning.
Stress.
It's normal. I mean, this level of stress isn't normal, but the anxiety is expected when one is under this kind of stress.
I am working on relaxing. Taking care of me. Warm baths. Art projects. Snuggles with the cat and dog. Yoga and meditation.
Take care yo'self, too.
Hugs.
w
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