F&F Mtg Sat 2/20 9pm EST

Old 02-22-2010, 08:04 AM
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Post F&F Mtg Sat 2/20 9pm EST

Happy Monday everybody!

I copied a transcript of Saturday nights meeting and with the mods' permission have posted here in a thread in case anyone is interested in reading it. To make it a little easier to read, I did take out all the user login and logout detail that you see in chatting and just left the conversations. You will also see some entries that don't have any typing after them and that's due to the emoticons not transferring for me. I will try to solve that you can see all the smilies and cyberhugs that were shared.

There was a great turnout and the meeting spilled over into the Open Chat and Al-Anon room well after the meeting ended where some good fun and great ESH continued. I lost track of time and had to say goodnight after midnight, so I hope I didn't miss all the fun.

You can let me know if this is helpful for those who were unable to attend.

Have a great day!!

Alice

***** Meeting Room Chat*****

Welcome! If a meeting is in progress please enter a ! to indicate you would like to share and wait to be called on by the meeting chair person.

9:05 PM endzoner: hi all ... if your friends and family please feel free to stay for the meeting

9:06 PM DecBaby: We'll get started in just a minutes

9:06 PM [Pancake] Thanks Dec!

9:07 PM DecBaby: Welcome to a Sober Recovery online meeting for friends and family members of alcoholics and addicts.

9:07 PM DecBaby: Before we begin I would like to review the protocol for our online meetings. There will be no "cross talking" permitted during the meeting. If you need to discuss something with another member please do so in a private message. If you would like to share during the meeting please indicate your intention to do so by typing an exclamation point !. Please wait until I call upon you. We ask that you remember the meeting is only one hour and to be considerate of the time you use. If you need to leave before the

9:08 PM DecBaby: If you need to leave before the meeting has ended do so quietly. If you feel strongly about what someone is saying you may acknowledge them with a one or two word phrase or emoticon, please no audio-emoticons during the meeting. When sharing, keep your discussion to one or two lines per post so the readers will not have a lot of lag time between posts. When you are finished sharing please type the word Done.

9:08 PM DecBaby: Tonight our topic will be "Boundaries"

9:09 PM [wicked] thank you

9:09 PM DecBaby: Would anybody like to share first?

9:09 PM Pancake Thank you DecBaby *passes tray of yummies* (donuts, chocolate cake and some white cake, choc chip cookies)

9:09 PM DecBaby: Just hit ! to share with us

9:09 PM DecBaby: thx pancake

9:10 PM [ItsmeAlice] !

9:10 PM DecBaby: Please share with us ALice

9:11 PM [MissFixit] Does anyone find that they loose long time friends after they set boundaries?

9:11 PM [ItsmeAlice] Heard a lot about boundaries lately on the forums. Alot of ultimatums get made. It took me some trial and error to make it about me. Am I making sense, I'm not the best speedy thinker.

9:11 PM [MissFixit] Done

9:12 PM [ItsmeAlice] Done

9:12 PM [ItsmeAlice] !

9:12 PM DecBaby: You''re doing okay Alice.....

9:12 PM DecBaby: You have the floor until you are done

9:13 PM [MissFixit] YEs. I agree that at first I made ultimatums until I realized that it required actions of others. Done

9:13 PM [cynical one] !

9:13 PM DecBaby: MissFixit once we hear Alice finish up we will answer your question

9:13 PM [ItsmeAlice] Thanks. Yes Miss, I have lost my best friend and my X who was also the only daily human contact I had. I had to protect myself from their behavior

9:13 PM [ItsmeAlice] I had to decide what I intended to do when things were unacceptable rather than tell them to change.

9:14 PM [ItsmeAlice] I miss their friendship terribly, but I don't miss the abusive behaviors. Done

9:14 PM DecBaby: excellent Alice

9:14 PM DecBaby: ty for sharing, u are absolutly right

9:15 PM DecBaby: MissFixIt did u want to add anything before I call on cynicalone?

9:15 PM [Pancake] Very good share Alice It takes time

9:16 PM DecBaby: cynical one please share with us

9:17 PM [cynical one] I think many people new to addiction confuse control or ultimatums with boundaries. Control is "you must do this or that" where boundaries are "I" statements such as "I will not allow ____________". Done

9:17 PM [MissFixit] no thanks done

9:18 PM wicked: !

9:18 PM DecBaby: Thank you cynical one thats great advice

9:18 PM [Pancake] Thx cynical good points!

9:18 PM [Lolafalana] Well said

9:19 PM DecBaby: Ok MissFixit ty

9:19 PM DecBaby: wicked would u share with us now?

9:19 PM wicked: yes, thank you

9:19 PM DecBaby:

9:19 PM wicked: i am not new to addiction and recovery but very new to boundaries.

9:19 PM wicked: i am not new to addiction and recovery but very new to boundaries.

9:19 PM wicked: i have to tell my daughter, i will not allow alcohol in this house,

9:20 PM wicked: instead of i think it is hurtful for you to let your friends bring it in.

9:20 PM wicked: yeah, its always someone elses fault.

9:20 PM wicked: teenagers. bah! done

9:21 PM DecBaby: Thank you wicked, excellent share

9:21 PM DecBaby: Im sure this way is more effective in getting rsults

9:21 PM [Pancake] Thanks wicked great share and keep working at it

9:21 PM DecBaby: Would anyone else like to share with us?

9:22 PM [Pancake] !

9:22 PM DecBaby: Yes Pancake, please go ahead

9:22 PM [Pancake] Thank you DecBaby!

9:22 PM [Pancake] Great meeting so far friends

9:22 PM [Pancake] Well, for me "boundaries" has been a TOUGH ONE

9:22 PM [Pancake] I am/have not been so good at this task in sobriety but I am slowly learning

9:23 PM [Pancake] I am NOT a confronter at all and have never been any good at that with others and consequently this lead to getting walked on alot over my life

9:23 PM [Pancake] which is not so good and feels awful

9:24 PM [Pancake] But I slowly and gradually tried to set some boundaries particularly with a certain family member...this made them hurt and sad at times as it seemed like I was being 'distant'

9:24 PM [Pancake] but in fact some folks just don't get the whole boundary thing easily or fast at all

9:24 PM [Pancake] and that adds to the hard part for me

9:25 PM [Pancake] but...with patience and perseverence (sp) and some encouragement on occasion I guess it has worked for me now.

9:26 PM [Pancake] I think for many of us alcoholics (me) in particular...I Isolated myself so much before and it was difficult to re-enter the 'world' so to speak to re-enter LIVING

9:26 PM [Pancake] that sounds kinda weird I suppose but that was it for me ...thanks for letting me share DONE.

9:26 PM [Lolafalana] !

9:26 PM DecBaby: Thank you pancake

9:26 PM DecBaby: Thank you pancake

9:26 PM DecBaby: You are so right

9:26 PM DecBaby:

9:26 PM [Pancake]

9:27 PM DecBaby: Lola, please share with us

9:28 PM DecBaby: Was that ! to share?

9:28 PM [Lolafalana] I would bet that most in this chat room are people pleasers and boundries are hard for us but I loved what cynical said; when I make it about what is good for me, I feel powerful and right with myself but ultimatums feel just the opposite. done

9:29 PM [coffeecup1] i think boundaries are hard for family.i can no longer go to family gatherings

9:29 PM [coffeecup1] sorry

9:29 PM DecBaby: thats okay

9:29 PM [Pancake] Amazing share Lolafalana !!

9:29 PM DecBaby: Thank you for sharing Lola

9:30 PM DecBaby: Would u like to share coffee?

9:30 PM DecBaby: welcome TakingCharge

9:30 PM [TakingCharge999] Good night, wonderful to "see" you all

9:30 PM DecBaby: Our topic is "Boundaries"

9:30 PM [coffeecup1] so sorry that was an accident but yes i would

9:30 PM DecBaby: If u would like to share press !

9:30 PM [coffeecup1] !

9:30 PM DecBaby: Please coffee go ahead while u have a chance

9:31 PM [coffeecup1] i live with an addict and family is out of the ? on holidays

9:31 PM [coffeecup1] have to stay home alone and thats the worst 4 me

9:32 PM [coffeecup1] dont know what 2 do. done

9:32 PM DecBaby: Thank you coffeecup

9:33 PM [ItsmeAlice] !

9:33 PM [Pancake] coffee

9:33 PM [coffeecup1] yes

9:33 PM [Pancake] thanks for a great share

9:33 PM [coffeecup1] yw

9:33 PM DecBaby: Alice, please share with us

9:34 PM [ItsmeAlice] I think coffee has given us an opportunity to work through an example of boundaries. Coffee, how are the interactions. Tense?

9:35 PM [ItsmeAlice] When things get uncomfortable what have you done in the past?

9:35 PM [coffeecup1] go to bed and cry

9:35 PM [Pancake]

9:35 PM [ItsmeAlice] Boundaries would be a way for you to make a plan. I'll go for a short while and leave when things are upsetting.

9:36 PM [MissFixit] !

9:36 PM [ItsmeAlice] Or maybe bring in outside support. A friend you trust to pull you out before things get upsetting.

9:36 PM [ItsmeAlice] Done

9:37 PM DecBaby: Great advice Alice

9:37 PM DecBaby: Go ahead MissFixit

9:37 PM [Pancake] awesome support for coffee - Alice !

9:37 PM [MissFixit] I have done the same. Gone to bed and cried.

9:38 PM [MissFixit] Now, I tend not to state the boundary, but act according to how I would if I said something.

9:38 PM [MissFixit] Like Alice wrote when your boundary gets crossed, leave th room, house or event.

9:39 PM [MissFixit] Also, not entering into charged situations to begin with.

9:39 PM [leathertom] !

9:39 PM [MissFixit] Not participating is what I have been doing. Not being rude, just keeping a distance from toxic family members.

9:39 PM [MissFixit] Done

9:39 PM [Pancake] great share Missfixit

9:39 PM [Pancake] thank you

9:39 PM DecBaby: excellent share Missfixit

9:40 PM [MissFixit] thanks

9:40 PM DecBaby: Distance is always good if possible

9:40 PM DecBaby: leathertom please share with us

9:43 PM DecBaby: Would you still like to share with us Tom?

9:46 PM DecBaby: we're listening Tom

9:46 PM [ItsmeAlice] !

9:46 PM [leathertom] ok

9:46 PM DecBaby: Ask your question Tom

9:47 PM [leathertom] sorry never mind busy here done

9:47 PM DecBaby: ok

9:47 PM DecBaby: Alice your turn

9:48 PM [ItsmeAlice] just wanted to pose a question to the group. If there is any particular boundary anyone is having trouble setting.

9:48 PM [ItsmeAlice] Whether with an A or someone else

9:48 PM [ItsmeAlice] Done

9:48 PM DecBaby: good question

9:48 PM [tigger11] Is this the F & F meeting?

9:49 PM DecBaby: Welcome tigger and bubbles

9:49 PM DecBaby: Yes it is, our topic is Boundaries

9:49 PM [bubbles1958] Hello

9:49 PM DecBaby: If u would like to share enter a !

9:49 PM [tigger11] YAY - so sorry I'm late!

9:49 PM DecBaby: Does anybody have a response they would like to share with Alice?

9:50 PM wicked: !

9:50 PM DecBaby: Lets hear it wicked

9:50 PM wicked: okay, i am an ACOA, a recovering alcoholic, been married to it

9:50 PM wicked: and have two kids in recovery

9:50 PM wicked: i have trouble even recogizing a boundary needs to be set

9:51 PM wicked: i know when it feels bad, but that is about it

9:51 PM wicked: done/

9:51 PM [MissFixit] 1

9:51 PM [MissFixit] !

9:51 PM DecBaby: Thank you wicked

9:51 PM DecBaby: Go ahead MissFixit

9:52 PM [MissFixit] I think that when you feel bad that is your inner voice telling you that you need a boundary.

9:52 PM [MissFixit] WHat can you do to stop feeling bad?

9:52 PM wicked: usually, i avoid and denial.

9:53 PM wicked: i know i need something better

9:53 PM [MissFixit] My only thought is to remove yourself from the situation and return when you feel it is safe.

9:53 PM [MissFixit] done

9:53 PM wicked: like i told my dd about the alcohol in the house.

9:53 PM DecBaby: Great thoughts MissFixit

9:53 PM wicked: hmm, i guess, but my daughter is underage and on a county drug court program

9:53 PM wicked: done.

9:54 PM wicked: !

9:54 PM [ItsmeAlice] !

9:54 PM DecBaby: I think ur doing great by telling her you wont allow it in your house

9:54 PM wicked: thank you

9:54 PM DecBaby: Go ahead wicked

9:54 PM wicked: yes, i just realized i dont want to "tattle" on my daughter,

9:55 PM wicked: but thank HP for this drug court, it has turned her around

9:55 PM DecBaby:

9:55 PM wicked: the boyfriend? meh. done.

9:55 PM DecBaby: thanks wicked

9:55 PM [bubbles1958] !

9:55 PM DecBaby: Alice, please share

9:55 PM [Pancake] Awesome stuff everyone!

9:56 PM [ItsmeAlice] I was wondering of wicked what the other half of that boundary is. What action will you take to protect you from the chaos alcohol in the house will cause.

9:56 PM wicked: !

9:56 PM wicked: ah yes, thus my dilemna. dont want to tell on her, but i know it is the only way to help her.

9:56 PM [ItsmeAlice] You would not be tattling. You wuld be letting her experience the consequences of her actions. It's how we grow. It's how we learn. It's how she hits her bottom.

9:57 PM wicked: yes, i agree, and now until 18 i can do this.

9:57 PM wicked: i can do this.
9:57 PM [ItsmeAlice] You set the boundary, you watch the behavior, you follow through.

9:57 PM wicked: thank you, support is fabulous.

9:57 PM [ItsmeAlice] Yes you can do this! Done.

9:57 PM wicked: i love her soooo much.

9:57 PM wicked: done

9:58 PM DecBaby: You are so right ALice

9:58 PM DecBaby: Bubbles would u like to share now?

9:58 PM [bubbles1958] ok

9:59 PM DecBaby: please do

9:59 PM [bubbles1958] Hey boundaries are one of the hardest things for me to implement because I personally have no more energy to enforce them and they are so creative and manipulative that they find a way no matter what boundaries I enforce

10:00 PM [bubbles1958] They end up costing me more time, money and energy that I do not have to make the boundaries stand.

10:01 PM [bubbles1958] done

10:01 PM [bubbles1958] done

10:01 PM DecBaby: Thank you bubbles

10:01 PM DecBaby: Our hour is up my friends but I would like to say a few things before we go

10:02 PM DecBaby: We meet every Saturday 9 PM EST

10:02 PM DecBaby: Will have a different topic each week

10:02 PM DecBaby: When you log in, just click on MEETING ROOM to get in here

10:03 PM DecBaby: As an addict myself, and addict husband I have learned boundaries are important for the family to stand their ground and not get down mentally

10:03 PM DecBaby: and also to the addict so that they may learn to do some things on their own

10:03 PM DecBaby: I know LOVE gets in the way of setting boundaries and makes it difficult

10:04 PM DecBaby: Thank you for coming to the meeting my new friends

10:04 PM [tigger11] !

10:04 PM DecBaby: If you would like to join us in Open Chat and continue talking you may

10:04 PM DecBaby: I'll have endzoner take us in there.

End *****
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Old 02-22-2010, 11:12 AM
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thank you

Thanks for sharing this, i wasnt able to make it to the meeting.
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Old 02-22-2010, 11:25 AM
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Awww I missed it! Thanks so much for posting this. Can I be honest and say that I went to bed at 8:45 p.m. that night, exhausted from a bowling tournament?
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Old 02-22-2010, 04:15 PM
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That was great I feel like I made it afterall!!...the time difference unfortunately isn;t good for me here but thanks for getting that posted Phiz :0)
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