coffeedrinker

hey s/r friends,

i debated whether to post this under f/f of alcoholics, or f/f of substance abusers. i thought alc gets more notice, but this is the forum that brought me to s/r, so....

i picked up the book "choices" by melody beattie last weekend. i hadn't seen it before, so i was excited. i was engaged and enthusiastic before the intro was done. and i'd like to share some wonderful tidbits from the book with y'all.

coffeedrinker

"it's possible to change our lives dramatically by a simple decision to ast least be open to something new."

"we watch others do with ease things we feel we'll never grasp or understand. people often have their own jargon...hearing this jargon can be like listening to a foreign language.

'i'll never get this,' we think. 'and i don't have a clue what these people are talking about.'

as hard as it is to be a newcomer at anything, it's an important place to be. the very act of struggling through, not knowing, making mistakes, trying one thing, failing, getting frustrated, then trying another is how we learn. we're using muscles we've never used before - whether those muscles are physical, mental, spiritual, emotional - or a combination.

like a new pony learning to stand and walk, we need time to develop muscle memory about whatever we're learning to do.

ask questions; try to pick people's brains. they can give us bits and pieces
[yay, s/r ]
they can offer support, encouragement, and their opinion. feedback, love, support, and training from a mentor or sponsor can be extraordinarily valuable. but there is no substitute for the awdward process of fumbling around in the dar while we learn how it feels to do something right.

Ann

Thank you so much for posting these, and please keep 'em coming, Melody Beattie is a mentor to many of us here and speaks our language clearly.

I remember at my first meeting, I heard stories from people who had lived lives worse than mine, who had lost more than I could imagine, and yet, who had "something" I wanted desperately...an inner peace and calm happiness that I didn't think I could ever achieve.

I was told to keep coming back, to listen to what worked for them and then to begin, one small step at a time to rebuild and reclaim my own life.

How grateful I am that my heart and mind were open to change, and how grateful I am for those who went before me and showed me the way.

Today my life is peaceful and happy beyond all that I ever dreamed of. Today I wake up every single morning, glad to be alive and grateful for all the blessings in my life. Today I say "Thank You God, for the pain" because without it, I would never have found what I have today.

Sorry, didn't mean to divert from your thread, but you can see that your words here today just touched my heart.

Thank you.

Hugs

Hugs

coffeedrinker

i appreciate the comments, ann, it's nice to know people are being reached/touched.

what jumps out at me about what your quoted, is the being open to something new.

i remember after listening to a talk at an aa convention about step 3. i spoke with the speaker afterwards. i said i get so stuck with this one because, well how do we turn our wills over? i mean, just tell me HOW TO DO IT and i will!! he said, simply, the step is that you made a decision. it's MAKING THE DECISION to turn our will over.
so i said, "oh. i can do that."

coffeedrinker

"c'mon honey, hurry up", he said, starting the car.
sherry climbed in, and laid her head back on the seat. she was tired - and big. six months pregnant and painting homes wasn't easy. but she was happier than she'd been for a long time.

sherry was young - only 16. too young to be pregnant, but it was all she wanted. she had met him in a drug ward. one foster home after another had left her with only one dream - to have a family of her own, some people in her life that would stay, that she could love.

they had lived with his family for a while. now they had a little apartment, but it was theirs. they worked together during the day - painting and cleaning apartments, making enough money for food and bills.

she dozed off.

when she awoke, she was in an ambulance. he had hit a series of parked cars when he exited the off-ramp.

"years later, i would realize that he didn't get sober. that i had gotten into a car with someone who was high. i didn't know it then", sherry said. "at least not consciously."

the doctors at the hospital checked her, said she and the baby were fine, then released her. two months later, her baby was born - a month early.

"at first the doctors just thought my daughter was slow. and had seizures," sherry said. "that's what i told the social worker who came when she was five. she's just a little slow", i said. "the truth was, she couldn't feed herself. sit up. crawl. say mama. she couldn't then, and she would never be able to. the only thing she's ever learned to do is hold up her head", sherry said.

"the accident separated her from the placenta, causing seizures -- and retardation. they said she wouldn't live very long. she's 27 years old and has lived in an institution since she was five."

"getting into that car - and what that did to my daughter and me - is something i've had to live with every day of my life."



many of us have made decisions we regret. that one decision alters the course of our lives. we don't get to go back; our challenge is living with life as it has evolved.