Abf has moved to a halfway house. Thank you all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: West Chester, PA
Posts: 8
Abf has moved to a halfway house. Thank you all.
Thank you all so so much for your support during my boyfriend's relapse. It was much needed and very helpful. Yesterday I dropped him off at a halfway house about 45 minutes from where we live. Thanks to you guys, I know what I need to do for me and what he needs to do for him.
He's off to an excellent start for the moment. He's feeling really beaten down, but he seems to be the most serious about his recovery that I've ever seen him be. He also seems to want to do this for the right reasons (ie. himself, not me). The house seems to be pretty strict and structured which is something that he, as a person and not only as an addict, really has always needed and has never gotten even since he was a child. I'm hopeful that he'll stick this out and get back on his feet again with a new and better attitude. He already seems to be exhibiting that good attitude and I can only hope that will continue.
As for me, I'm glad that I have some time to myself to figure things out. This is truly the last straw. As loved ones of addicts, I'm sure you've all had many instances during which you told yourself and your loved one that this was the last chance, but when it came down to it, you gave them many more chances afterwards. I, too, have done that many many times, but right now, I'm very serious about this being the last chance. I know I can't do this forever. He is not my responsibility. I am not his mother. If he keeps up the attitude that he has shown for the past few days and moves forward then I know I'll be there. If he goes back to the way things were, then I know I can't stay. I'm 19 years old. I have a whole life ahead of me. One I shouldn't waste on dealing with someone else's problems. I'll always be there for him if he wants me, but if he doesn't show some real change, I won't be there as his girlfriend anymore, just a loving friend. You guys are right. He needs to learn to depend on other people. I can't be his whole world.
Right now, I'm optimistic. I've never seen this kind of positive attitude and willingness to do what needs to be done from him. I hope this bodes well for a better future for the both of us. The truth is, as nar-anon always says, drugs aren't the problem, he's the problem. Even when he's been clean, he's never been ok. I do have realistic expectations. The boy spent all of is formative years doing heavy drugs. His brain has not had time to reach the level of maturity that he should have and it will take some time. He needs to really change his attitudes and grow up a lot.
I'm willing to wait for him as long as he shows improvement. But I've decided that, for me, the best thing is to just let him go if his problems continue to interfere in my life. That's been hard for me to accept, but when I get sad about this state of affairs, I just think about how I'll live a much healthier and happier life with someone who is not an addict than an addict who refuses to change. I just hope that it doesn't come down to having to make that decision.
Again, I really appreciate all of your help. I'm so glad I stumbled upon you guys just when I really really needed it. You've been so supportive. Thanks for helping me make the decision I needed to make.
He's off to an excellent start for the moment. He's feeling really beaten down, but he seems to be the most serious about his recovery that I've ever seen him be. He also seems to want to do this for the right reasons (ie. himself, not me). The house seems to be pretty strict and structured which is something that he, as a person and not only as an addict, really has always needed and has never gotten even since he was a child. I'm hopeful that he'll stick this out and get back on his feet again with a new and better attitude. He already seems to be exhibiting that good attitude and I can only hope that will continue.
As for me, I'm glad that I have some time to myself to figure things out. This is truly the last straw. As loved ones of addicts, I'm sure you've all had many instances during which you told yourself and your loved one that this was the last chance, but when it came down to it, you gave them many more chances afterwards. I, too, have done that many many times, but right now, I'm very serious about this being the last chance. I know I can't do this forever. He is not my responsibility. I am not his mother. If he keeps up the attitude that he has shown for the past few days and moves forward then I know I'll be there. If he goes back to the way things were, then I know I can't stay. I'm 19 years old. I have a whole life ahead of me. One I shouldn't waste on dealing with someone else's problems. I'll always be there for him if he wants me, but if he doesn't show some real change, I won't be there as his girlfriend anymore, just a loving friend. You guys are right. He needs to learn to depend on other people. I can't be his whole world.
Right now, I'm optimistic. I've never seen this kind of positive attitude and willingness to do what needs to be done from him. I hope this bodes well for a better future for the both of us. The truth is, as nar-anon always says, drugs aren't the problem, he's the problem. Even when he's been clean, he's never been ok. I do have realistic expectations. The boy spent all of is formative years doing heavy drugs. His brain has not had time to reach the level of maturity that he should have and it will take some time. He needs to really change his attitudes and grow up a lot.
I'm willing to wait for him as long as he shows improvement. But I've decided that, for me, the best thing is to just let him go if his problems continue to interfere in my life. That's been hard for me to accept, but when I get sad about this state of affairs, I just think about how I'll live a much healthier and happier life with someone who is not an addict than an addict who refuses to change. I just hope that it doesn't come down to having to make that decision.
Again, I really appreciate all of your help. I'm so glad I stumbled upon you guys just when I really really needed it. You've been so supportive. Thanks for helping me make the decision I needed to make.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
well thats great news. you sound like you really do have your head on your shoulders and have a plan to do what is best for you. i'm glad to hear that your bf is finally ready so i wish him well. you both are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
i completely relate to what you have just written. we didn't do the "this is your last chance" thing though because i was under the impression that mine was clean and sober for over three years when he very suddenly started using really bad.
now we're at "last chance" status, although it may actually be too late. so much water under the bridge.
i know that happy, hopeful feeling. it's great. the treatment high isn't just for the addict!
i wish you the best.
now we're at "last chance" status, although it may actually be too late. so much water under the bridge.
i know that happy, hopeful feeling. it's great. the treatment high isn't just for the addict!
i wish you the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: West Chester, PA
Posts: 8
Thank you guys so much. It's been hard, but it seems to just keep getting better every day. I'm really hopeful. The place is great. The people are great. He's doing great. I'm doing great. Our relationship is finally on the mend. So EVERYTHING is seeming really... uh... great. This is normally when I would start getting nervous that everything was about to completely fall apart, because God knows things can't be good for more than five seconds, but I'm not feeling pessimistic.
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