Sister909

He came home from work drunk like he usually does 3-4 times a week. Today he was with two friends that gave him a ride home. They went to the patio and emptied the coke machine where he keeps his beer. By the time they left he was drunk and cussing at me because I asked why did they have to stay and drink some more? Why couldn't they just go home? I wished I could have gone back and told them all to leave. My husband is such a nice guy when he isn't drunk but when he's this drunk, he uses the "F" word over and over. He says that he never makes scenes when my friends come over, but my friends seldom come over and if a relative does, we don't sit back and drink. He finally went to bed and passed out (without dinner). Tomorrow morning he will be so sweet and apologetic. It doesn't do any good to tell him how much it hurts, not onlyl me, but our grandson who lives with us. (he's 15 but has seen this behavior over and over). I wish I could figure out how to deal with him.

Just had to vent....Thank you

journeygal

It's best NOT to deal with him when he's drinking. Reasoning with them doesn't work. Telling them how they're drinking makes us feel doesn't work. He's in denial and he's not ready to admit that he has a problem.

Find ways to keep from being around him when he gets like that. If his friends come over and it's not too late, go to a movie. Or go to a room in the house where you can close the door, watch Tv, or read a book. Or come here and vent - that works too.

Hang in there,
JG

spedteach

I have to agree, that when they are drinking they are not listening. My ah has recently fallen off the wagon and right now, whether he is actively drinking or not, he can not hear a word of what I say..if I told him the sky is blue, he'd insist that I was trying to control the sky and that it's really white. I just do my own thing and when he's ready, willing and able to talk and really HEAR what I am saying, I take advantage of that. I agree that you need to find something else to do when he's drinking..it'll do you no good to sit there and take it..my ah is the most wonderful man sober, but when he's using...he becomes a different person...so I stay away.

Good luck to you!

Sister909

Thanks for giving me a place to come. He woke up this morning and as usual, acted like nothing happened. He just mentioned that I didn't get him anything to eat last night. I told him that I did it on purpose because why should I reward him for cussing at me. He basically kissed up to me and my grandson all day. It's just the usual stuff after he's gotten to that point of drunkness.

I wish there was something I could say to get through to him when he's sober but he's too hard headed.

LongStrangeTrip

You know what I think is just so hilarious?
That they think we are complete idiots and can't see how they kiss A$$ all day long, the day after a good drunk!LOL
Mine came home last night and passed out in his truck in the driveway. I didn't even know he was home because I was working on a website and I thought I heard the truck pull up but just ignored it and kept doing what I was doing.

Anyway...I was about to go to bed, when I did as I always do and just peeked outside to make sure all things are as they should be and low and behold, there sits his truck in the driveway, no sign of life and he hadn't come in so I figured his drunk butt was passed out. ONCE AGAIN, he made it home with no DUI! Good lord when are these cops ever gonna get him????
Well, he had been out there for about 45 minutes before I even looked out the window so I proceeded to ignore it and go brush my teeth and head for bed. It was really dark anyway and I figured he'd just sleep out there tonight.

Well, as I'm getting ready to head upstairs, here he comes in the door, DRUNKER than I've seen him in a WHILE. I mean, he could barely stand up! I just kinda looked at him for a sec and he could barely make eye contact with me. He was actually just coherent enough to kick off his shoes and pass out once again in the recliner.

I on the other hand was just SO HAPPY!!! I went up to my nice, warm BIG EMPTY bed and slept a nice, peaceful, deep sleep!
No stinking bedroom from the alcohol and the raunchy beer gas...PEEEWWWWW.
Just me, my pillows and my soft warm bed...OH...and my sweet dreams!

Today...he was Mr. Wonderful..as usual. More "I LOVE YOUS" than I've heard in a month, more hugs, kisses and OH the sex!LOL I'm sorry, it's just that I am very fortunate to have been able to do this detachment thing like a champ and have learned to appreciate when he's not here and also appreciate when he's sucking up. After all, I DESERVE all the sucking up he has to offer.
He took me and the boys (His other son is here this weekend) to dinner and was even pretty nice to them for the most part today.

Ahhhhhh....life's just such a funny thing isn't it? He even gave up a DJ job tonight and STAYED HOME!LOL
I unfortunately was not however at his side all evening as I had other things to do.

Hang in there. It works if you work it.