The hurtful things they say
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 93
The hurtful things they say
So I realize that AH plays games and says things to hurt me. His words used to really get to me...make me cry and then the next day I'd be fine. He'd never say he was sorry but he didn't need too...he knew I was stupid enough to forgive him and he didn't have to.
I finally 'graduated' from that and for the last year let his words just pass through my ears. Knowing the game he was playing I refused to let him get to me. In turn I'm pretty sure that got to him.
Well, last night was the icing on the cake...the most hurtful thing he has ever said. "I wish the cancer on your nose would have been somewhere else and you'd just go away". I just looked at him - I refused to cry and stood strong. I replied with a 'wow, that's sad that after 20 years together you wish I would die. again a selfish response as you wouldn't bother to think about your daughter in that scenario, just what would be easier for you'.
Last night I slept well and his words didn't seem to bother me. But today - I'm really distracted and bothered by them. Of course today he's acting like nothing. I on the other hand contacted my attorney and told her I'm ready to proceed with the default hearing related to the divorce. I was foolishly thinking that if this man got treatment I would potentially try to work on my marriage. After last night I realize that will never be possible.
I saw this post on Facebook yesterday....
"Four things that can never be recovered...the stone after it's thrown, the word after it's spoken, the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone."
I've been hit by too many of his stones, missed too many occasions and lost WAY too much time. Can't wait to move on!
I finally 'graduated' from that and for the last year let his words just pass through my ears. Knowing the game he was playing I refused to let him get to me. In turn I'm pretty sure that got to him.
Well, last night was the icing on the cake...the most hurtful thing he has ever said. "I wish the cancer on your nose would have been somewhere else and you'd just go away". I just looked at him - I refused to cry and stood strong. I replied with a 'wow, that's sad that after 20 years together you wish I would die. again a selfish response as you wouldn't bother to think about your daughter in that scenario, just what would be easier for you'.
Last night I slept well and his words didn't seem to bother me. But today - I'm really distracted and bothered by them. Of course today he's acting like nothing. I on the other hand contacted my attorney and told her I'm ready to proceed with the default hearing related to the divorce. I was foolishly thinking that if this man got treatment I would potentially try to work on my marriage. After last night I realize that will never be possible.
I saw this post on Facebook yesterday....
"Four things that can never be recovered...the stone after it's thrown, the word after it's spoken, the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone."
I've been hit by too many of his stones, missed too many occasions and lost WAY too much time. Can't wait to move on!
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
Yes they do say hurtful things. I think it's most likely done to pick a fight, isolate, then use. My D-ABF one time told me I was nothing but a hole. To which I responded "how does it feel to be an ordinary run of the mill dull hole punch?" I've had to let a lot of it slide because I realized I was dealing with a sick person who can quack.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
I saw this post on Facebook yesterday....
"Four things that can never be recovered...the stone after it's thrown, the word after it's spoken, the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone."
I've been hit by too many of his stones, missed too many occasions and lost WAY too much time. Can't wait to move on!
How true!
"Four things that can never be recovered...the stone after it's thrown, the word after it's spoken, the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone."
I've been hit by too many of his stones, missed too many occasions and lost WAY too much time. Can't wait to move on!
How true!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi rdy4change,
Glad you have a plan to get away from this abusive monstrosity. I was glad to read you have something in mind.
There is no reason anyone -- man or women, sober or not, married or single, dependent or independent --- should have to "let those words go through them." He is an abuser, and you deserve better. Luckily, it would not be hard to find better.
Sorry. Angry.
Glad you have a plan to get away from this abusive monstrosity. I was glad to read you have something in mind.
There is no reason anyone -- man or women, sober or not, married or single, dependent or independent --- should have to "let those words go through them." He is an abuser, and you deserve better. Luckily, it would not be hard to find better.
Sorry. Angry.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
What a horrible thing to say, then again I guess it says a lot more about him than it does you.
I think Maxine just described him, and frankly I hope he thaws out into a little puddle of pee.
You are right to be disgusted and angry and refuse to hang around any longer with such a vicious mouth and a poor excuse for a man.
Go for it and God bless
I think Maxine just described him, and frankly I hope he thaws out into a little puddle of pee.
You are right to be disgusted and angry and refuse to hang around any longer with such a vicious mouth and a poor excuse for a man.
Go for it and God bless
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Originally Posted by Jadmack25 
frankly I hope he thaws out into a little puddle of pee.
\
\
Somehow the toilet humor is just funny lately...
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I try to stay kind and nonjudgmental with people who deserve it.
A person who'd say they wished their wife - and the mother of their child - would die of cancer? Nope.
And jadmack, I howled with laughter at that. Wouldn't be the first time I had to mop up after an active alcoholic......
A person who'd say they wished their wife - and the mother of their child - would die of cancer? Nope.
And jadmack, I howled with laughter at that. Wouldn't be the first time I had to mop up after an active alcoholic......
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: At my computer
Posts: 28
I felt so sad reading your post and what he said to you. It brought back a lot of memories of things my ah would say to me. I am so glad you have the courage to proceed and move on. Good luck and hugs to you. You are worth it and deserve better!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I saw this post on Facebook yesterday....
"Four things that can never be recovered...the stone after it's thrown, the word after it's spoken, the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone."
I was wondering the other day if anything good could ever come from Facebook for any of us here after someone posted about being hurt by a Facebook webpage discovery.
I am delighted that you have found a gem in all that high school-esque rubbish.
I am putting that one on my wall. Might remind me to hold my tongue once in a while, for sure.
** To the rest of your post my heart soars and my soul sings when I hear words like I've been hit by too many of his stones, missed too many occasions and lost WAY too much time. Can't wait to move on!. The revelation in these words, the power they take back, the confidence, and the bold stance they take as you look to a new beginning.
Yes, yes, yes!!
Keep this thread handy moving forward for when you need a reminder of this moment.
So proud of you!
Alice
"Four things that can never be recovered...the stone after it's thrown, the word after it's spoken, the occasion after it's missed, and the time after it's gone."
I was wondering the other day if anything good could ever come from Facebook for any of us here after someone posted about being hurt by a Facebook webpage discovery.
I am delighted that you have found a gem in all that high school-esque rubbish.
I am putting that one on my wall. Might remind me to hold my tongue once in a while, for sure.
** To the rest of your post my heart soars and my soul sings when I hear words like I've been hit by too many of his stones, missed too many occasions and lost WAY too much time. Can't wait to move on!. The revelation in these words, the power they take back, the confidence, and the bold stance they take as you look to a new beginning.
Yes, yes, yes!!
Keep this thread handy moving forward for when you need a reminder of this moment.
So proud of you!
Alice
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Just another form of cancer needing to get cut out, sounds like to me.
When I left 'the really crazy ex'...
that's what did it.
I said, "ok. you win. you said the meanest thing."
and while he watched,
I packed and left.
Which, was picking up my wind up alarm clock,
throwing some clothes in a bag,
and getting into my truck..
And I never went back.
I had all KINDS of camp equipment in the truck
and I went straight up into the wilderness.
Went to work- from there.
Took him a WEEK
to figure out I was gone.
For good.
When I left 'the really crazy ex'...
that's what did it.
I said, "ok. you win. you said the meanest thing."
and while he watched,
I packed and left.
Which, was picking up my wind up alarm clock,
throwing some clothes in a bag,
and getting into my truck..
And I never went back.
I had all KINDS of camp equipment in the truck
and I went straight up into the wilderness.
Went to work- from there.
Took him a WEEK
to figure out I was gone.
For good.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NYC
Posts: 132
one of the biggest conplaints with my boyfriend is the mean things he says. Granted he only says it when he's really angry at me, but he has a habit as well of playing head games.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
When my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I was devastated. His father, an A, was too. We cried and struggled. We still are struggling. It was only a few weeks after we got the news, still reeling from the ramifications, trying to make choices, and I foolishly thought that I could lean on him, since we were both in pain.
We laid in the bed, me crying. He leaned over to me, I smelled on his breath the beers he had been drinking all night, and he whispered, "You know this is your fault. He would not have this tumor if you weren't so stressed during pregnancy. And you drank alcohol, too...before you knew he was coming. Its all your fault."
Some things can never be taken back. Even though I know none of it is true, I still called the neurosurgeon and asked if stress, or a few nights of early pregnancy drinking could have caused it. She said whoever put that in my head was really out of line. It still sits in the back of my head like a little ball of acid. He apologized, but when drunk, he will occasionally say it again. It is evil and acidic.
Good for you for getting out. Its hard to remember that there are happy healthy people who dont say things like this, but there are.
May you find happiness and peace.
We laid in the bed, me crying. He leaned over to me, I smelled on his breath the beers he had been drinking all night, and he whispered, "You know this is your fault. He would not have this tumor if you weren't so stressed during pregnancy. And you drank alcohol, too...before you knew he was coming. Its all your fault."
Some things can never be taken back. Even though I know none of it is true, I still called the neurosurgeon and asked if stress, or a few nights of early pregnancy drinking could have caused it. She said whoever put that in my head was really out of line. It still sits in the back of my head like a little ball of acid. He apologized, but when drunk, he will occasionally say it again. It is evil and acidic.
Good for you for getting out. Its hard to remember that there are happy healthy people who dont say things like this, but there are.
May you find happiness and peace.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
You know this is your fault. He would not have this ____ if you ... And you _____ ...
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