Advice please!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 61
Advice please!
It has been about 4 weeks now since I went *no contact*, and I have not heard from the recovering alcoholic "friend," either...until yesterday. This morning I saw that he had text messaged me yesterday evening. The message said, "This is my new number. (and his name)". I haven't yet responded. See, I *know* that he is fond of playing the "call me" game, even with guy friends, where e-mails you asking you to call him. So odd that his phone cannot place outgoing calls. Lol!!! I see this as a thinly veiled invitation from him to call, but believe that he needs to man up. Do I acknowledge his text, or ignore it???
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
i agree 100% with noday.
he texted you his number because that minimizes risk on his part. it's always hard to put ourselves in vulnerable positions, for some it's a way of life not to.
you must have gone no contact for a reason. i don't know exactly what that reason is, but are you now thinking that something relating to that reason has changed?
he texted you his number because that minimizes risk on his part. it's always hard to put ourselves in vulnerable positions, for some it's a way of life not to.
you must have gone no contact for a reason. i don't know exactly what that reason is, but are you now thinking that something relating to that reason has changed?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
It's a no brainer, but I think you know that.
We become trained to sit up and bark when a little crumb of cookie is held in the balance.
Do you really want to put yourself in that for a crumb of a crappy cookie?? I'm going to guess and say hell no.
Hit delete and get back to you!
Alice
We become trained to sit up and bark when a little crumb of cookie is held in the balance.
Do you really want to put yourself in that for a crumb of a crappy cookie?? I'm going to guess and say hell no.
Hit delete and get back to you!
Alice
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 61
I care very much for this man, but have been able to stay "separate," if that makes sense. I'd be lying if I said my involvement in the process of getting him the help he needed (intervention, and subsequently, rehab) wasn't for a payout on some level, but I certainly put his (AND my own) well-being above trying to have a relationship with him. I went NC for a couple reasons--first of all, because SR people wiser, more experienced, and farther along in their own recoveries advised me to, and second, because I'd rather be uninvolved than in the midst of an unhealthy relationship. I am focusing on me and I don't want to disrupt his recovery as he is still only beginning the journey--*his* journey. I am not considering calling him. Not at all. Just wondered if it would be *wrong* to acknowledge his text with a brief reply. That is all. He has never hurt me emotionally, psychologically or physically, and is someone I've enjoyed having in my life. But he also knows I will not, I *cannot*, have a relationship with an active alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 61
BTW, I thought I should share this because I find it amusing. Want to know how I met this guy?? On a very widely advertised internet dating site that loves to feature couples in its commercials who were matched up by this service and are now married...you know, the "we match you based on extensive questioning across 29 dimensions..." Blah, blah, blah. What I want to know is, is one of those dimensions dysfunction?! What the heck?! Lol!!! 
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