Need some strength
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Watching the sunrise
Posts: 104
Need some strength
A few days ago, I saw where my AS had called me. I didn't call him back right away as I needed some time to think things through. I have had only very minimal contact with him since Christmas when he showed up wasted...
I called him back last night.... He was "upbeat" and said an old friend had let him live there. I know of the "old friend," ....a fellow drug user. I also listened to him talk of going to another friend's house to watch the Superbowl. This person is an active addict who was with my son's Dad when he died of a drug overdose 2 years ago.
Bottom line: It doesn't sound to me like anything has changed in his life. He asked me to come pick him up on Sunday so we could "spend some time together." Instead of looking forward to seeing him, I felt sick inside.
My husband (his stepfather) does not want him or any of his friends in our home until he is sober and working a program of recovery. Neither do I. I wish I could have told him that last night, but was not prepared. In my own disease and with all of my false hope, I hedged about Sunday.
After thinking about it, I have decided to either meet him somewhere...or just telling him over the phone.... that I love him and want him to get well. But, until then, not to call me....
God, it hurts, though....
I called him back last night.... He was "upbeat" and said an old friend had let him live there. I know of the "old friend," ....a fellow drug user. I also listened to him talk of going to another friend's house to watch the Superbowl. This person is an active addict who was with my son's Dad when he died of a drug overdose 2 years ago.
Bottom line: It doesn't sound to me like anything has changed in his life. He asked me to come pick him up on Sunday so we could "spend some time together." Instead of looking forward to seeing him, I felt sick inside.
My husband (his stepfather) does not want him or any of his friends in our home until he is sober and working a program of recovery. Neither do I. I wish I could have told him that last night, but was not prepared. In my own disease and with all of my false hope, I hedged about Sunday.
After thinking about it, I have decided to either meet him somewhere...or just telling him over the phone.... that I love him and want him to get well. But, until then, not to call me....
God, it hurts, though....
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Hunny,
I know how much it does hurt and I am sorry you are dealing with it.
If you are ok with meeting him somewhere and just sitting, grabbing a burger or walking around together, by all means, do so. If you would rather not, it is ok to let him know you are just not up to spending time with him right now, maybe another time.
I do know how much it hurts, a hug from one mom to another.
I know how much it does hurt and I am sorry you are dealing with it.
If you are ok with meeting him somewhere and just sitting, grabbing a burger or walking around together, by all means, do so. If you would rather not, it is ok to let him know you are just not up to spending time with him right now, maybe another time.
I do know how much it hurts, a hug from one mom to another.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I always tried to check in with my son every few months.
Often it was just to have a meal somewhere when I just showed up.
I wanted to have some type of relationship. even when I couldn't trust him in my home.
He knew I knew he was an addict, As his addiction progressed, his need to be part of our family almost completely disappeared.
I wanted him to know he was loved and when he was ready to be sober that I would be there for him. Luckily, that day came after 5 yrs.
May your son's day come too...and may you be there when it does.
Often it was just to have a meal somewhere when I just showed up.
I wanted to have some type of relationship. even when I couldn't trust him in my home.
He knew I knew he was an addict, As his addiction progressed, his need to be part of our family almost completely disappeared.
I wanted him to know he was loved and when he was ready to be sober that I would be there for him. Luckily, that day came after 5 yrs.
May your son's day come too...and may you be there when it does.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 56
((((Hunny)))) I too am the mom of an AS- fortunately has has been sober from drugs for 2 1/2 years. I have been where you are- and it feels so wrong as a Mom to not want to see your son but it is ok to feel that way. I think if you want to meet him- then do so- but I also think you have to respect your husand's wishes so he shouldn't come to your home. Just my opinion- do what feels best to you.
Hugs from one Mom to another...
Hugs from one Mom to another...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Responding to addiction is counterintuitive. Let me repeat that. Responding to addiction is counterintuitive.
Another mom here who has gone no-contact with 24 AS. We are basically at an impasse where I've told my son his root problem is drugs/alcohol, that he needs help for that, and that I can support his decision to get help for that. Otherwise, i have nothing for him, not even a relationship. You see, I had the gut feeling before that his hijacked brain would say to him, "Self, alcohol and drugs are not a problem here because your mother still wants to be around you."
Like Spiritual Seeker, i do occasionally contact my son via e-mail to let him know that he is very much loved. He never answers back, and that is okay.
So..... hope that helps.
Another mom here who has gone no-contact with 24 AS. We are basically at an impasse where I've told my son his root problem is drugs/alcohol, that he needs help for that, and that I can support his decision to get help for that. Otherwise, i have nothing for him, not even a relationship. You see, I had the gut feeling before that his hijacked brain would say to him, "Self, alcohol and drugs are not a problem here because your mother still wants to be around you."
Like Spiritual Seeker, i do occasionally contact my son via e-mail to let him know that he is very much loved. He never answers back, and that is okay.
So..... hope that helps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
[Blet him live there. I know of the "old friend," ....a fellow drug user. I also listened to him talk of going to another friend's house to watch the Superbowl. This person is an active addict who was with my son's Dad when he died of a drug overdose 2 years ago.
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the old friend LET him live there? What a great guy. And a superbowl gathering with another friend? He could live with you AND watch superbowl if he chose to walk the line of sobriety. He made a decision. I am sorry about your son's dad.
][/B]
the old friend LET him live there? What a great guy. And a superbowl gathering with another friend? He could live with you AND watch superbowl if he chose to walk the line of sobriety. He made a decision. I am sorry about your son's dad.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm sorry about your son's dad too. i know its hard to not see your son but i do understand you not really feeling up to it. you didn't get to tell him what you wanted to but i'm almost sure the opportunity will come again.
i say think about what is best for you and do that, he's chosen to do just what he's doing.
i say think about what is best for you and do that, he's chosen to do just what he's doing.
Thank you to every one of you!
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