what to do ... my dh fell off the wagon

Old 02-17-2010, 10:28 AM
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Question what to do ... my dh fell off the wagon

first time here so thank you for your patience while i figure out the forum...

my husband stoped drinking in june of 2008 and hes been doing great till last night. his work has been stressing him out and he lost it... even though he has a support system, a counselor and a AA group. He left work and went to a friends who tried to help him, but he left and went to the bar and then to his cousins house...
he works 3rd shift so i was at home sleeping and when i woke up and he wasnt here, i started to worry thinking did he have an appointment? then i went an checked our checking account balance and saw a transaction from a liquour store and my stomach dropped.

he finnally called me, slighly inebriated to tell me that he was at his cousins and that he "fell off the wagon". His cousin talked to me and assured me it was ok he was there and that he wont let him drive. He didnt want to come home because we have a three year old (who dosnt remember him being drunk as she was barly two went he went to rehab and a newborn daughter as well)
i cant believe i was calm. i told him i wasnt pissed, and that he needed to sober up, get some sleep and get his head on straight and that i loved him and would talk to him later.

I KNOW that was going to happen sooner or later, but i am honastly shocked because he was doing great and really happy about his recovery, but some things at worked triggered it. one mainly being that as a supervisor, he himself had two fire 3 employees for alcohol related incidents at work.

goint to alanon at the moment isnt an option since i have no sitter for the girls but im not really sure how to naviagte this. for right now, im just trying to stay postive and encourging and not let my disapointment, frustration and fear take over... but i do recongnise those feelings but i have no one to talk to about this.
My family well, supports his sobriety and well would freak out about this.

what do i do? all i know is to encourage him to get to aa and call his counselor asap and the rest is up to him. but i mean, i dont work, and have a new baby and i dont want to say or do the WRONG thing. i know its not up to me, however im just lost and trying to keep my head together.
and i know that i wont allow him to live here if he dosnt get himself back, he knows this but ill cross that bridge later if it comes to that...

anyone have any advise or just some support please!!??!!
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Old 02-17-2010, 10:37 AM
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My take? One day at a time. Focus on you and your responsibilities and your life and your recovery. Don't freak out on him and start worrying yourself over what is going to happen tomorrow. He had a lapse; if he brings it up, just tell him he knows what to do and go about your life the way you were before he lapsed.
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Old 02-17-2010, 10:46 AM
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thanks

thanks, cause i do not want to go back and relive this again. i cant and wont. i know I have worked so hard to not fall into codependcy and my anger that i will just continue moving forward and pray that he will too...one day at a time one day at a time one day at a time....
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:02 AM
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You sound like you've got your head straight.
Breathe.
Relax.
Trust this will work out the way it should.

Take care of your needs and your babies.

I would suggest you figure out for you what your bottom line is as far as relapse. What behaviors are and are not acceptable. How long will you wait?

Good luck.
Hugs,
w
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:05 AM
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My family well, supports his sobriety and well would freak out about this.


Hey TendingC -
But it can be good to have some face to face support or a person to talk to. You can call local AlAnon and explain your situation and maybe someone can just be avail to you by phone or come by and chat w/ you. AlAnon has 12th steppers, who keep strong in their recovery by helping others.

Or do you have one friend who you can be honest with. Keeping silent and isolated sometimes feeds our denial.

peace-
b
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:36 AM
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Isn't it GREAT when you feel that resolve not to EVER go back to that place again and then to watch yourself maintain your composure? It is such a great feeling!!! Way to go!
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