Physical Vanity???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Physical Vanity???
I'll take support any way I can get it...but I was just wondering does anyone else draw strength from looking better in your sobriety? It had gotten to the point where i couldnt stand to look at myself in the mirror, i looked like a bad joke, my face was bloated, red, puffy eyes, break-outs....what used to be a body that was good was a mess in sweats....obviously no more self pride or esteem. I avoid talking to people, hide in my house.
it's day 2 and i am speaking in the past tense because i plan to improve.
I believe that the underlying cause is much deeper than fitting into your nice jeans and having shiney hair, but it all ties together for me. Part of the reason my drinking escalated was due to the break up of a LTR....I feel ugly, i act ugly....no support at home.
i look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts, thanks!
it's day 2 and i am speaking in the past tense because i plan to improve.
I believe that the underlying cause is much deeper than fitting into your nice jeans and having shiney hair, but it all ties together for me. Part of the reason my drinking escalated was due to the break up of a LTR....I feel ugly, i act ugly....no support at home.
i look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts, thanks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
sure i feel better..
at the bottom of my drinking i had hair that looked like id been licking eletrical sockets.......and probably had things living in it.
my face resembled the top of my head.
my clothes were from the sally army and i had shoes but no socks.
i weighed 8 stone when i should weigh 11.......my skin...and eyes were yellow.
treated for malnutrition and delerium tremens.....more than once
today i weigh what i should.....the colour i should be and i i think i scrub-up alright...lol...
my wifes says..."your do"........thats enough for me......lol..
at the bottom of my drinking i had hair that looked like id been licking eletrical sockets.......and probably had things living in it.
my face resembled the top of my head.
my clothes were from the sally army and i had shoes but no socks.
i weighed 8 stone when i should weigh 11.......my skin...and eyes were yellow.
treated for malnutrition and delerium tremens.....more than once
today i weigh what i should.....the colour i should be and i i think i scrub-up alright...lol...
my wifes says..."your do"........thats enough for me......lol..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
well..i can get obsessie about how i look, and some of that ain't so good 
but...sometimes in sobriety, I like to dress up and get spiffy....just for me. In fact i care less about how others think i look, and more about how i feel about how i look....
So...the dress everyone loves may sit in the closet for months cause I "feel" fat or awkward or whatever when I wear it....and a dress that some would call er inappropriete...may be my fav...cause when i wear it I (emphasis) like the way it looks and how i feel.
I don't think it's bad to have fun with my appearance (want to dye my hair blue next weekend), as long as i am doing it to enjoy the body I have, and not to get approval from others.
but...sometimes in sobriety, I like to dress up and get spiffy....just for me. In fact i care less about how others think i look, and more about how i feel about how i look....
So...the dress everyone loves may sit in the closet for months cause I "feel" fat or awkward or whatever when I wear it....and a dress that some would call er inappropriete...may be my fav...cause when i wear it I (emphasis) like the way it looks and how i feel.
I don't think it's bad to have fun with my appearance (want to dye my hair blue next weekend), as long as i am doing it to enjoy the body I have, and not to get approval from others.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I became much more human looking lol I hated myself, felt ugly, fat and useless...most of that is down to the drinking though to be fair, i didn't look after myself at all physically so obviously i won't be looking to good after years of abuse...amazing how quick the body gets back into shape though with a little effort!
The other stuff you refer to, i needed the AA program to be able to see all that, even with abstinance i could not work it out for myself...living with the drinking and not knowing what the problem was proved difficult, living dry and not knowing what the problem was proved imposssible...thats my experince anyway...
The other stuff you refer to, i needed the AA program to be able to see all that, even with abstinance i could not work it out for myself...living with the drinking and not knowing what the problem was proved difficult, living dry and not knowing what the problem was proved imposssible...thats my experince anyway...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by trucker 
.......
i was feeling great until someone pointed out they have hair!!!!!!!!!!
and their gonna dye it blue.....just to labour the point....lol......
i was feeling great until someone pointed out they have hair!!!!!!!!!!
and their gonna dye it blue.....just to labour the point....lol......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
the weight gain, the puffy unkempt face, the red eyes, bellyfat, dry skin....in a past life i would have run screaming from myself....
but i believe the body has amazing recuperative powers and my muscles have memory.
even though it is only day 2 for me, i had to cut way down on drinking since last week when i became sick...(maybe i should be grateful for a the GI virus?). i looked in the mirror to brush my teeth and i am not AS disgusted, nor am I as red.
IDK if can dye my hair blue as i work in a very conservative medical environment, but I certainly can cover the gray with some blonde this weekend and give myself a home facial....there's LOTS i can do if i'm not drunk...like the 2 loads of laundry i did this AM, like get back to the gym, like clean the house, etc.
but i believe the body has amazing recuperative powers and my muscles have memory.
even though it is only day 2 for me, i had to cut way down on drinking since last week when i became sick...(maybe i should be grateful for a the GI virus?). i looked in the mirror to brush my teeth and i am not AS disgusted, nor am I as red.
IDK if can dye my hair blue as i work in a very conservative medical environment, but I certainly can cover the gray with some blonde this weekend and give myself a home facial....there's LOTS i can do if i'm not drunk...like the 2 loads of laundry i did this AM, like get back to the gym, like clean the house, etc.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Becoming fit is the cornerstone to my recovery and improving my body image is a big part of it.
I have probably become a bit obsessive with the mirror but I think looking the best you can is a noble pursuit.
Maybe using Crest White Strips to whiten my now coffee stained teeth is a little over the top for a man but it isn't hurting anyone like my drinking did.
It is good to hear you are getting sober and wanting to return yo your former self.
I started a thread in the fitness section called the twelve week fitness challenge to support self improvement. Check it out. We would love to have you join us.
I have probably become a bit obsessive with the mirror but I think looking the best you can is a noble pursuit.
Maybe using Crest White Strips to whiten my now coffee stained teeth is a little over the top for a man but it isn't hurting anyone like my drinking did.
It is good to hear you are getting sober and wanting to return yo your former self.
I started a thread in the fitness section called the twelve week fitness challenge to support self improvement. Check it out. We would love to have you join us.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
You know I have to be honest, I mentally & spiritually have found sobriety to be an awesome gift that is so great that I view my appearance as nothing more then a by product of being sober.
Do not get me wrong, I do like the physical appearance improvements greatly, but my appearance takes a distant second to the rest of what sobriety has brought to me.
I do recall the red eyes, the bloat all over, the tender swollen liver that made my beer gut lopsided, my skin looked yellowish gray if that is a color. All of that is gone now & not missed, but if it had all stayed and I had the mental and spiritual improvements alone I would still be happy.
(I am however a 56 year old man, a child of the sixties, so looks were never a priority for me any how.)
Do not get me wrong, I do like the physical appearance improvements greatly, but my appearance takes a distant second to the rest of what sobriety has brought to me.
I do recall the red eyes, the bloat all over, the tender swollen liver that made my beer gut lopsided, my skin looked yellowish gray if that is a color. All of that is gone now & not missed, but if it had all stayed and I had the mental and spiritual improvements alone I would still be happy.
(I am however a 56 year old man, a child of the sixties, so looks were never a priority for me any how.)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 113
I've found that looking good has been a nice side effect of getting sober. It's not something that I've been actively thinking about but has been noticed and pointed out to me. I'm kind of like, 'Oh, well that's pretty cool as well'!
I've always been a runner and weight lifter....even when I was drinking a magnum bottle a night. The difference is that I don't feel like hell now when I start a run or go to the gym. I'm also finding it as a great stress relief which not only gets my mind off of cravings (when I have them) but helps my anxiety as well.
I've always heard that breathing exercises are a huge help with anxiety. Running really helps as it forces you to breath and that in and of itself will lower the anxiety level. The cardiovascular system will love you for it as well!
Anyways, the appearance thing isn't something I've concentrated on but it is a nice bonus to the whole sobriety thing.
I've always been a runner and weight lifter....even when I was drinking a magnum bottle a night. The difference is that I don't feel like hell now when I start a run or go to the gym. I'm also finding it as a great stress relief which not only gets my mind off of cravings (when I have them) but helps my anxiety as well.
I've always heard that breathing exercises are a huge help with anxiety. Running really helps as it forces you to breath and that in and of itself will lower the anxiety level. The cardiovascular system will love you for it as well!
Anyways, the appearance thing isn't something I've concentrated on but it is a nice bonus to the whole sobriety thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 80
Hey Fandy,
Share your sentiments in that "I'll take support any way I can get it". Was also looking for some positive vanity-related reinforcements when first looking to quit (yes, a bit vapid and shallow, perhaps, but whatever helps!) and could have used this thread so great post!
Happy to report that I've noticed significant improvements within the last three weeks. Lost five pounds without changing much asides from ditching the wine and eating totally clean + taking post-detox vitamins, though ate pretty healthy anyways (I have a small frame and am petite so the weight drop made a big difference
. My arms went from alki spongy to toned with just a little bit of working out 3x a week. (thought those muscles and flat tummy were gone forever!) No longer bloated actually and fit into my skinny jeans from a few years ago which was a shock. Face looks completely different. Thought that booze asides, being early-ish 30's, my body was resigning itself to getting older. Wrong! Thought the days were long past, but I look and feel pretty again! I'm healthy, vibrant, young and have energy and back to my "old" self. All of the negative things that I had attributed to naturally aging have turned out to be almost entirely from the self-inflicted aging brought upon myself from abusing wine. And I had convinced myself that the red stuff was actually good for ya! Convenient tonic of choice, huh?
Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all roses. Still suffering from the depression and anxiety that I tried to mask with alcohol in the first place. Antidepressants don't seem to be working much which is a bummer to say the least, but manageable with a doctor's consult. The fact that I've been out of a job for months doesn't help at the moment (though thankfully I wasn't so bad where I lost my job as a result of the drinking). Very thankful that the detox is over and never have to go through that again. But feeling alive and having some self-esteem added back has helped to push me forward day after day and not drink today. That and reading this board. It was hell quitting at first, but now that some time has gone by, my warped thinking/memory keeps reflecting that this is/has been a "fun" little experiment because of the positive outcomes.
Hope this puts some wind in your sails. Stick it out! You'll be surprised by what a pleasant physical rebirth comes as a result. Think of a blooming lotus that by nature, cannot help but open and expose it's beauty (once it stops pouring herbicide on itself!) tee hee.
Share your sentiments in that "I'll take support any way I can get it". Was also looking for some positive vanity-related reinforcements when first looking to quit (yes, a bit vapid and shallow, perhaps, but whatever helps!) and could have used this thread so great post!
Happy to report that I've noticed significant improvements within the last three weeks. Lost five pounds without changing much asides from ditching the wine and eating totally clean + taking post-detox vitamins, though ate pretty healthy anyways (I have a small frame and am petite so the weight drop made a big difference
. My arms went from alki spongy to toned with just a little bit of working out 3x a week. (thought those muscles and flat tummy were gone forever!) No longer bloated actually and fit into my skinny jeans from a few years ago which was a shock. Face looks completely different. Thought that booze asides, being early-ish 30's, my body was resigning itself to getting older. Wrong! Thought the days were long past, but I look and feel pretty again! I'm healthy, vibrant, young and have energy and back to my "old" self. All of the negative things that I had attributed to naturally aging have turned out to be almost entirely from the self-inflicted aging brought upon myself from abusing wine. And I had convinced myself that the red stuff was actually good for ya! Convenient tonic of choice, huh? Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all roses. Still suffering from the depression and anxiety that I tried to mask with alcohol in the first place. Antidepressants don't seem to be working much which is a bummer to say the least, but manageable with a doctor's consult. The fact that I've been out of a job for months doesn't help at the moment (though thankfully I wasn't so bad where I lost my job as a result of the drinking). Very thankful that the detox is over and never have to go through that again. But feeling alive and having some self-esteem added back has helped to push me forward day after day and not drink today. That and reading this board. It was hell quitting at first, but now that some time has gone by, my warped thinking/memory keeps reflecting that this is/has been a "fun" little experiment because of the positive outcomes.
Hope this puts some wind in your sails. Stick it out! You'll be surprised by what a pleasant physical rebirth comes as a result. Think of a blooming lotus that by nature, cannot help but open and expose it's beauty (once it stops pouring herbicide on itself!) tee hee.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Fandy, vanity was one of the concerns I had for about 10 years of my addiction, but I ignored it and did a fantastic job at that by covering up the thought with a false bandage/friend (alcohol). I am a little surprised with myself for not focusing on my vanity more in the aftermath of quitting; not sure why, but I guess it's because I am kind of thrilled about getting my life back period. I find myself referring to it as luck or a gift, even though it's not really that to me, it's about me appreciating and valuing the sobriety. Plus, we're not talking standing in front of the mirror all day kind of vanity on my part, but I have my vain moments, yeah. It comes with the territory of not liking oneself too.
Anyway, I won't say vanity is a bad thing to think about, we should like ourselves and do what it takes to hang on to a healthy existence. I think vanity/self-maintenance/"getting better" all play a part for me...I also want to say that I think it doesn't do a lot of good when we beat up on ourselves, because for me that is linked to substance abuse. We should accept ourselves and take our place in life, it's ours. That's the first beauty. The rest, whatever it may be, is a bonus for us.
Anyway, I won't say vanity is a bad thing to think about, we should like ourselves and do what it takes to hang on to a healthy existence. I think vanity/self-maintenance/"getting better" all play a part for me...I also want to say that I think it doesn't do a lot of good when we beat up on ourselves, because for me that is linked to substance abuse. We should accept ourselves and take our place in life, it's ours. That's the first beauty. The rest, whatever it may be, is a bonus for us.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 80
Happy to help! It's been 25 days since I "abused", which for me meant anywhere between 3-6 generous glasses of wine (read: larger than the "standard" 5 oz serving, I'm sure, though I wasn't measuring) on average per day, about 5 times a week. I had been cutting back as of December after about 10 years of this pattern and decided to quit mid-January). Last Friday I "slipped" and had two glasses of red over the course of four hours, but did not get drunk. Not happy about that, but I'm still moving forward and not back!
It's incredible how booze makes your body retain water on top of using it as a primary source of energy once in the body over all food, hence the weight gain! That and robbing your body of nutrition by blocking absorbtion. Combined, it's not hard to understand why abusing makes people look like crap! Stay strong, Fandy, and feel free to PM me.
It's incredible how booze makes your body retain water on top of using it as a primary source of energy once in the body over all food, hence the weight gain! That and robbing your body of nutrition by blocking absorbtion. Combined, it's not hard to understand why abusing makes people look like crap! Stay strong, Fandy, and feel free to PM me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
thanks I will...right now, lack of sleep is setting in along with the virus, lack of wine but I'm going home to some tea and hopefully some much needed "beauty-sleep"...I want some face-cream, blistex and the humidifier going full-blast...maybe some of that nice lavender scented baby oil...(its so flipping cold and dry here i am flaking apart).
but I feel more in control that I do not need to drink tonight, that is new and interesting, hopefully not enough to keep me awake. LOL thanks for everything today.
but I feel more in control that I do not need to drink tonight, that is new and interesting, hopefully not enough to keep me awake. LOL thanks for everything today.
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