Insulated

some of you may know that my A passed away of an overdose. he had a crack addiction years before we met. a pain pill addiction while we were together. and a fond liking for cocaine, liquor, IV through CWE, pretty much name it, he did it. He was prescribed tramadol, anti depressant, xanax and took those too. they were in the toxicology report. The thing is, after his death, which occurred 4 months out of rehab, of course a dead persons phone talks. there was the usual 1 - 2 minute calls. the texts reading simply "i need". I know on weekends he would be dopesick. Or have the flu, by friday night and always feel better by monday afternoon. He would try not to do the pain pills because it would be just us and for whatever reason, he'd lay off, but ultimately got sick, so my weekends were a void and just crap! The toxicology report showed methadone and cocaine. Now the drug of choice I understand. it's the methadone it don't get. I thought that was taken to replace opiates and assist in transition from opiates to an alternative. Why does someone buy methadone on the street? I don't get it. I know it's cheap. $5 or $8, but the other pills only cost $3 or $5 more so why not just buy the darned things?

Callie

For my AH, methadone didn't give him the high he wanted. Really @ this point, nothing gives him the high he wants except benzo's. He is now juggling methadone to not be sick. I would imagine that's what he was doing is getting methadone to get him by until he got what he wanted. Or if he needed to be more 'normal' he could take Methadone. Methadone does block opiates, but it has to be @ the correct dosage. Even then my AH has said he could take enough heroin to break through the methadone block. He can and does take methadone but if he wants to be high will take a benzo.

I'm sorry insulated that you're going through this. You may never know the answers, but I hope you can gain enough information to put your mind at rest.

Insulated

I would try to wrap my head around the methadone blocking the opiates, but the tramadol was prescribed and the methadone would break through that? He took xanax like candy. It IS one of the two things he purchased within 20 minutes of cashing his sorry a$$ check. The script for xanax and the big bottle of rum! the methadone probably was to get him through or free up more money for the cocaine. in this state it's cheap. like $5 for a methadone pill, $35- $40 for a gram of cocaine. Why bother with methadone if a person is already on tramadol. he used to give the tramadol away because he said it was pointless, but yet it was in his system in a large amount. the methadone? i don't get it. such a waste!

Callie

Insulated - I'm not familiar with tramadol (isn't that ultram??) Maybe ask on the methadone forum? I know around here it's very hard to get methadone on the streets unless you are near a clinic. As far as a blocking dose for methadone, my AH needed to be on 80-120 range for it to block anything.

Insulated

thank you cynical. combined with liquor and coke. Yes, he's dead.

Insulated

I'd been undecided if i would even obtain the autopsy and toxicology report at all. I truly felt that he was an alcohol and an addict with bipolar disorder so why validate what I already know? i could never do for him what drugs and alcohol did. Right? Right! His closest "friend" and I use the term loosely, asked me about it and I guess curiosity got to me. In a way I'm glad I know, and it answered a lot of missing money and timeline of events questions. In the overall picture of things, I found that betrayal was sitting right at my dinner table!

NeedingHelp7

insulated, this is so sad. I hope your heart can heal from all this.

NH7

coffeedrinker

You are processing all this, Insulated. Gotta go through "it". And then you'll come out on the other side.

ItsmeAlice

I still ask a lot of internal questions about my relationship with XABF. I remember certain events or things he said or did and find myself pondering on it with my now open eyes. I'm still stunned that it just didn't register with me and that I didn't see what was staring me right in the face.

Sometimes I get input from other sources who saw things from a clearer view and sometimes the answer comes to me in a flash while I'm focused on something else.

If I had the opportunity to have in writing what he really had in his system in those last few months or days, I would have taken it as well. If only to lay to rest a few of the questions and stop the flashes from stirring me up.

I'm glad you are working through these things and gaining something positive from it.

Best wishes,
Alice

Insulated

it irrefutably demonstrates that IT WAS THAT BAD. and there was nothing, absolutely not one thing YOU could have done. the drugs consumed him, there was nothing left of him to share or offer to another person.

I cried when I read this, and it's so true and it hurts. It is a good cry. Clears the soul. Thank you Anvil.

littlebird77

I was about to say the same thing, plus the high is longer.