angharad

So hi...Im 29, Im a well respected health visitor, i have a lovely fiancee, a beautiful home and a little kitten, everyone likes me....yet i have a deep dark secret. Every evening I Get home before my partner, I seperate a vodka bottle into small cola bottles, and I pretend I'm working all night on the pc but instead im drinking. He has no idea. I still get up at 6am for work but feel ******. This has been going on for 3 years. I don't know how to stop. But I want to. Today I rang AA for the first time after having the number typed in 5 times before i rang lol. I;m doing a MSc yo usee...and today was my 1 day a month study day..instead of studying I got up at 7am and drank tile 10am slept til 1pm then got up and drank more. I went to sleep at 4pm before my partner got home then woke up at 7pm and started again. Its beyond a joke now and I want to stop as I've been getting the shakes at about 2pm. It feels good to get this out in the open. xx

dasha

Firstly be honest with your fiancee! dont sneak an hide and lie...thats low...
come up front about your predicament and many can advise..IS how it goes!!

Dee74

Welcome angaharad

Have you been to any meetings yet?

When you do stop, please consider seeing a doctor - detox can sometimes be a difficult process and it's best to be safe

D

angharad

If I told him he would be really angry not supportive at all. Sorry this wasn't the type of response I was expecting.

angharad

I rang AA today to see about meetings in fact. And i do not wish to see my GP as they are very judgemental.

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here. Yeah--shakiness can be a scary as well as dangerous thing. Congrats on calling AA--that's making a postive step in the right direction>seeking help I mean. Also, this place is great for support. You are not alone.

Also, have you seen a DR recently concerning getting safely off booze? Sometimes it is a good idea to get DR or medical treatment to detox safely--especially when there is any type of shakiness involved with possible withdrawal.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I used to hide my drinking too, and it was exhausting.

I'm glad you found us, and please do talk to your dr because detoxing from alcohol can be very dangerous. I hope you keep reading and posting.

angharad

How do I suddenly go to the GP and go "im an alcoholic??" Ive been on antidepressants for 12 years. But as i work in the NHS I feel i would be judged.

least

CAn you see a different doctor, or go to the emergency department of the nearest hospital? We're talking about your life here. Withdrawal from alcohol can be life-threatening, especially considering how much and how often you've been drinking.

Do'nt tell your fiance if you think he'll blow a gasket, but please do get medical help. And if you absolutely refuse to get medical help I can only say to drink lots of water and juice, soft food, B vitamins, and chamomile tea can help with the shakes and anxiety, as can evening primrose oil.

I really hope you can get help tho.

Alcoholism and withdrawing from alcohol brings up a lot of unexpected things. Do what's best for YOU.

Maybe better to undergo a little judgement (and health professionals are not supposed to judge their patients) and come out of it healthy and still alive than to let fear of judgement kill you - literally. The choice is yours. It's your life.

angharad

my partner doesn't drink and is 8 years younger than me in a nice stressless job lol. My main concern is that being a health visitor working for the nhs I got to me gp and tell him all my issues whether or not i need lithium for withdrawal or not he would tell me to stop nursing.

angharad

p.s i have never drank at work

least

How do you know he'd tell you to stop nursing? Doctors and nurses have problems like everyone else, and one of those problems can be alcoholism. If it were me, I'd swallow my pride and fear and ask for help. But that's just my opinion. I hope you'll be alright.


Maybe, maybe not. I thought I was hiding my drinking too but my kids knew it anyway. They could tell. It's hard to hide being drunk/drinking all the time.

bdiddy5522

You will get many responses here, but what you will hear as a common thread is that sobriety HAS to be your number ONE priority for it to stick. You can't be ashamed to tell those who can help you get well, and your sobriety needs to come even before your job, engagement, etc. Because what we all know is that without sobriety, we will eventually lose all of those things anyways. You are already hiding secrets from your fiance and you are not even married yet. How upset will he be WHEN he does find out that you have been lieing to him?

I hope you get help, and best of luck in AA. It has saved my life! Keep reading and posting. Glad you are here.

Dee74

Many people detox just fine, but I still suffer from my last unsupervised detox 3 years on. My pride nearly killed me.

Ultimately only you can decide whether to see a Dr or not Ang - it's good advice but it's up to you

Likewise only you're in a position to judge whether your partner should know.

I hope AA is of some use to you

D

angharad

If I tell him he will flip a lid seriously! how do i repair 2 years of secret drinking? I can't comprehend that at all. HE has no problem with drink infact he can have one beer and then no more. How do i tell him ive been lying for the past 2 years? I cant. Jesus my life is a **** up at the moment lol. Im marrying this guys in a year and can't tell him the truth?? I am one **** individual lol

bdiddy5522

The best way to repair 2 years of secret drinking is to NOT make it 3 years, or 4 years, etc. of secret drinking. Trust me, I hid it from my wife for years, and when I finally broke down and told her, she was fully supportive and there to help. May be a good idea to get him to an al-anon meeting so he can fully understand the disease of alcoholism. He needs to know that the disease, not you, is in control.

PS: I am 29 as well.

intention

Hi Angharad and welcome to SR.

I can understand your concerns about working for the NHS and being worried about talking to your GP.

If you are at the stage where you are getting the shakes, it is likely you may have some trouble with withdrawal if you quit. This may get serious or even life threatening.

I did read somewhere on here once where someone said that the Salvation Army do a detox service. That may be worth checking out.

I would also suggest that you call your local AA hotline and get to a meeting or two. If you explain your predicament in that you are NHS and prefer not to go through NHS, someone may be able to advise you on local help which is available.

Even if you don't get some medication, you will need someone with you to call 999 just in case. Maybe your partner is not the person if his reaction is going to be bad.

I strongly suggest you go to AA even now while you are drinking. People there will help you, I promise that.

You must do something. Alcoholism is progressive. It will only get worse.
Keep in touch.

least

I don't know that you'd have to tell him how long you've been drinking, just that you're concerned with the hold alcohol has on you and want to stop. If he really loves you don't you think he'd want you to be healthy?

I was embarrassed to death to tell my family I was an alcoholic. But I did, and I got over the shame. They love me and only want me to be healthy and happy. I hope it would be the same for you and your fiance.

angharad

thank you everyone, im crying right now. I intend on calling aa local tomorrow but i cannot tell my partner he will be so disappointed in me. Im the clever one, I did the degree, Im doing the MSc im the one that earns the money he's a carpenter, Its all on me. I feel so bad for burdening you with all this but im sick of needing vodka every night.. right now im pouring vodka into my drink thinking why?? im so stupid

bdiddy5522

I can tell you why you are pouring a drink and ashamed at the same time. Because you know it is wrong, but your body physically craves it. You know you need to stop but you don't know how to function and feel emotions without it. AA will teach you these things. Why don't you put the drink down and go to an AA meeting tonight? I promise you won't regret it. AA teaches you how to live, not just be sober. Hugs! I know how you feel, as I was there 94 days ago! Vodka all night long!!!