Trying2BeMe

So his PO called me today and said he ws taking him into custody for the behavior that was violent such as breaking hte window out of anger and not leaving the property. I had asked him how long and he said a few days and I asked if there will be lawyer fees and he said no. But when he is out in a few days there will be an anklet on him to prevent him from leaving and buying alcohol or coming over. Good. Howevcer I still feel so bad and responsible for reporting it but as I told him, I was not covering for him anymore and tired of the I dont remember doing antics and causing us harm and anguish.
I am sure he is really mad at me but I had no other choice to let him know that I was not going to put up with it and reporting this.

FindingPeace1

AWW, YEAH! Consequences! WOOHOO!
An ankle bracelet means you are safer from his YUCK! WOOHOO!

Please forgive if you have seen this, but I posted it today to someone else and it bears repeating.

We, as codependents, do two things with feelings and self-worth.

* We look to the other person to know how to feel and whether to love ourselves
* and we feel responsible for their feelings and self worth.

(I'm not just preaching! I do it, too! I am SO codie-natured!)

So your feeling of worrying that you are betraying him is your feeling RESPONSIBLE for HIS feelings.

You are taking care of yourself. He is mad that he is getting consequences for his actions. Tough t*tties for him, I say! He made his bed.

The other side is, you don't want him to be mad at you. It feels bad. But you are doing a healthy good thing, and a part of you knows that. So the bad feelings are because another (codependent) part of you wants HIM to tell you he loves you and is not mad at you so that YOU feel okay as a person.
You don't need him to love you to be okay. You can be okay and lovable and wonderful, even if he hates your guts. (Really! But you have to start telling YOURSELF that you are lovable and worthy and safe to fill in the hole left from expecting love from him.)

(I HATE that my husband is depressed and hurt. I want to fix it. Take his pain away. Make him feel better...and I HATE EVEN MORE when he says I am hurting him with my communication. I want to stop everything. Do anything he says. Make it better.

But how messed up is that? How crazy that my reasonable needs hurt him, so my needs go out the window and I baby him? What? What sense is there in that? I will give up MY life, MY rights, MY happiness, MY needs, respect for me - all because he is...what? More important than me?

So he gets to lie and hide and not communicate and I am BUSTING MY BUTT to accommodate him? Does that make any sense? Because I would move mountains for him; I love him so much. But I am going to contort myself while he doesn't treat me respectfully or lovingly? That's madness for you and me, babe and it's the point WE need to get help - not them.)

Hugs,

w

barb dwyer

I hope you're feeling SAFER
before you go feelind 'bad'
about seeing to it
he can't hurt you!

YOU... didn't do anything...

HE is the one that got himself into this trouble.

HE broke the restraining order.
HE was violent.
HE got arrested.
HE has a nice new electronic bracelet...
that will keep YOU ...
SAFE.

Again - YOU... didn't do anything, hon.

Well, you *did*
but what YOU did... was GREAT!!!!!!
And gives me hope for the others on here who will read your posts
and gain the courage to do
the follow through in their own situations-
some who are probably lurking and don't post at all!


I think you oughta go buy yourself a cake or something!

starflier

Yay! A good night's sleep for you. Sleep, sleep, sleep, for in sleep is much healing.

Trying2BeMe

I love you all. It helps to know I have you here for support and it truly is grateful. It is not the same when you hear it from someone who just has not gone through with what we do. So rest assured I got some really nice sleep.

barb dwyer

Support heck - if I had the back for it - I'd do the carry on my shoulders thing!!!