Need some encourgement
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5
Need some encourgement
I know in my head that what I am doing is right but my heart is playing along.
AS was asked to leave in Oct because he was stealing. Since then I have been in contact & played the game - getting clean, relapse lather rinse repeat.
I made the decision to stay out of his way last week. Stopped returning texts, don't answer phone calls. I did answer 2 times. Once to say no I'm not mad, I still love you but I'm done with the BS. Once to say you'll figure it out (I don't know what to do, I can't survive on my own, can you give me money) no.
I just saw his truck on the road, he wasn't in it, no license plate on it, apparently sold for money.
I'm turning my phone off this weekend. I know he has to deal with this on his own. Sure am glad you all are here.
Thanks for listening.
AS was asked to leave in Oct because he was stealing. Since then I have been in contact & played the game - getting clean, relapse lather rinse repeat.
I made the decision to stay out of his way last week. Stopped returning texts, don't answer phone calls. I did answer 2 times. Once to say no I'm not mad, I still love you but I'm done with the BS. Once to say you'll figure it out (I don't know what to do, I can't survive on my own, can you give me money) no.
I just saw his truck on the road, he wasn't in it, no license plate on it, apparently sold for money.
I'm turning my phone off this weekend. I know he has to deal with this on his own. Sure am glad you all are here.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Yeah!!! Just had to chime in here that i'm also in no-contact with 24yo AS. That's because we are in a stalemate right now. I'm standing here saying, "Your root problem is drugs and alcohol that you need help for. Are you willing to get help?" His answer is "No." My answer back is, "Well, until you get help for your drugs and alcohol problem, i've got nothing for you, not even a relationship." So we are in no-contact. Once in a while i feel the need to e-mail him and tell him that he is very loved. But he has never answered any of those e-mails back. That's okay.
Funny about the car thing. Yesterday I think i saw my son going the opposite way. I don't know the car he was in, but it sure looked like his profile. It's possible he had time to see me as he knows very much my car and we had been facing each other at a red light. Anyway, if it was him he just stared straight ahead with a very tense look. I think drugs and alcohol have made him very tense. Anyway, if it was him and he did see me, i was busy rock-and-rolling to Jesus music.
Hang in there, dear. You are absolutely giving your son the very best gift you could give him which is the opportunity for him to come to the end of his drug using and with it the chance to want to change.
Funny about the car thing. Yesterday I think i saw my son going the opposite way. I don't know the car he was in, but it sure looked like his profile. It's possible he had time to see me as he knows very much my car and we had been facing each other at a red light. Anyway, if it was him he just stared straight ahead with a very tense look. I think drugs and alcohol have made him very tense. Anyway, if it was him and he did see me, i was busy rock-and-rolling to Jesus music.
Hang in there, dear. You are absolutely giving your son the very best gift you could give him which is the opportunity for him to come to the end of his drug using and with it the chance to want to change.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Another Mom sending support
I have done exactly as you did kicking son out for stealing a few yrs. back.
Today he is 25 and sober almost two yrs.
We do have to practice detachment.
You may know When your son is ready for treatment and be able to help him get the help he needs.
I have done exactly as you did kicking son out for stealing a few yrs. back.
Today he is 25 and sober almost two yrs.
We do have to practice detachment.
You may know When your son is ready for treatment and be able to help him get the help he needs.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!
I'm an RA (recovering addict), but have also been on the "other side of the fence" - loving an A (addict).
As an RA, I can tell you that you are absolutely doing the best thing for both of you, IMO. I will forever be grateful to my family for letting me hit bottom, find my way back up, and continue on with their lives to show me what I could be a part of again, should I choose (and I did...got 3 years clean next month).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm an RA (recovering addict), but have also been on the "other side of the fence" - loving an A (addict).
As an RA, I can tell you that you are absolutely doing the best thing for both of you, IMO. I will forever be grateful to my family for letting me hit bottom, find my way back up, and continue on with their lives to show me what I could be a part of again, should I choose (and I did...got 3 years clean next month).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Another mom here....who let go.
Being humbled by the realization that I had no control over my daughter and her addiction allowed me to let go, in peace.
She is clean/sober, functional and employed today. This was and remains her choice. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Being humbled by the realization that I had no control over my daughter and her addiction allowed me to let go, in peace.
She is clean/sober, functional and employed today. This was and remains her choice. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Watching the sunrise
Posts: 104
Reading your story was like reading my story. We are in about the same place. I have an addicted son who is 32.
I've done my share of enabling and all the very human mistakes that parents make when they are trying to help an adult child they love. I know in my heart now that I have done everything possible to help him and it is time for me to let go. I have had only very minimal contact (a few text messages) with him since Christmas.
It is not easy seeing someone you love waste their life away. Coming here has certainly helped me through some very rough times. There are a lot of caring, wonderful people at SR!
Keep reading and posting. I'm glad you are here! :ghug3
I've done my share of enabling and all the very human mistakes that parents make when they are trying to help an adult child they love. I know in my heart now that I have done everything possible to help him and it is time for me to let go. I have had only very minimal contact (a few text messages) with him since Christmas.
It is not easy seeing someone you love waste their life away. Coming here has certainly helped me through some very rough times. There are a lot of caring, wonderful people at SR!
Keep reading and posting. I'm glad you are here! :ghug3
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