question about manipulation vs the addict
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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question about manipulation vs the addict
Just a question:
How long does it REALLY take for the addict to stop trying to manipulate? Even when they are working their program and doing well? Does it boil down to a behavior that needs to be modified after sobriety or are they predisposed for manipulation and THEN comes the addiction? Just a question open for opinions.
Kim
BTW- Things are going well for me.
How long does it REALLY take for the addict to stop trying to manipulate? Even when they are working their program and doing well? Does it boil down to a behavior that needs to be modified after sobriety or are they predisposed for manipulation and THEN comes the addiction? Just a question open for opinions.
Kim
BTW- Things are going well for me.
Well, from here....Mr. Sofa has a lifetime of lying and manipulating. He learned at a very young age how to manipulate his mother to get what he wanted. She was drinking until he was 14....and I am sure he could detect her guilt and played on that. That's what kids do when they have no boundaries. Led him to a lifetime of trouble.
Now as a recovered A....she feels guilty because BOTH of her sons are addicts, and feels responsible for this. So they both play off of that to manipulate her....all while hiding their "secret"....which, in truth...isn't a secret.
For him, it's an imprint....and will take years and years with counseling and support to rewire, ya know?
So, I guess it depends on the individual. Every one has a different story.
The real question for us may be~
"How long will it take for Me to stop being manipulated?"
Now as a recovered A....she feels guilty because BOTH of her sons are addicts, and feels responsible for this. So they both play off of that to manipulate her....all while hiding their "secret"....which, in truth...isn't a secret.
For him, it's an imprint....and will take years and years with counseling and support to rewire, ya know?
So, I guess it depends on the individual. Every one has a different story.
The real question for us may be~
"How long will it take for Me to stop being manipulated?"
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
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Sometimes never. Even people who aren't addicts can be manipulative. People who aren't addicts can be liars. They can be abusive. They can lie, steal, cheat. Manipulation maybe one of their personal characteristics. Be careful not to blame all negative personality traits on drug addiction.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
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Sometimes never. Even people who aren't addicts can be manipulative. People who aren't addicts can be liars. They can be abusive. They can lie, steal, cheat. Manipulation maybe one of their personal characteristics. Be careful not to blame all negative personality traits on drug addiction.
Just a question:
How long does it REALLY take for the addict to stop trying to manipulate? Even when they are working their program and doing well? Does it boil down to a behavior that needs to be modified after sobriety or are they predisposed for manipulation and THEN comes the addiction? Just a question open for opinions.
How long does it REALLY take for the addict to stop trying to manipulate? Even when they are working their program and doing well? Does it boil down to a behavior that needs to be modified after sobriety or are they predisposed for manipulation and THEN comes the addiction? Just a question open for opinions.
Each of us has responsibility for ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. When we set boundaries, we let go of the outcome because we do not control other people's behavior.
If someone else's behavior is unacceptable to us, we take responsibility for our boundary and remove ourself from the situation.
Don't you think it's quite possible for someone to be clean and sober and a lying, coniving, manipulative jerk?
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This is a good thread... There are many people who sit and let others do for them what they can do for themselves....and you don'[t have to be an addict to behave in that manner. I, myself have gone through friends that tell those little white lies just to cover their butts at times. Life is a journey and at every turn we have to protect ourselves from harm even if we don't think its around the corner. Thank you everyone that has replied to this thread......you were honest and straightforward.
Just a question:
How long does it REALLY take for the addict to stop trying to manipulate? Even when they are working their program and doing well? Does it boil down to a behavior that needs to be modified after sobriety or are they predisposed for manipulation and THEN comes the addiction? Just a question open for opinions.
Kim
BTW- Things are going well for me.
How long does it REALLY take for the addict to stop trying to manipulate? Even when they are working their program and doing well? Does it boil down to a behavior that needs to be modified after sobriety or are they predisposed for manipulation and THEN comes the addiction? Just a question open for opinions.
Kim
BTW- Things are going well for me.
I think the most helpful insight comes from the old AA saying: "What do you get when you sober up a drunken horse thief? A sober horse thief."
I agree with Sailor John. Who knows? I think that you are talking about a character trait vs anything else. My husband is clean and sober x's almost 5 years but he still attempts manipulation a whole lot of the time.
The question is....am I falling for it? Do I allow myself to be manipulated? Do I even want to be around someone that behaves that way?
I'll turn the question around....how long does it take for someone to stop allowing themselves to be manipulated and to continue being around someone that behaves that way?
The question is....am I falling for it? Do I allow myself to be manipulated? Do I even want to be around someone that behaves that way?
I'll turn the question around....how long does it take for someone to stop allowing themselves to be manipulated and to continue being around someone that behaves that way?
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Fair and honest. For me, my "conditioning" since birth as an enabler/codie has been defining my actions as "being nice". Then when i turn 180 and get angry, I am labled a b*7ch. It's a no win situation that I have allowed. Repeat..... I have allowed....I have allowed. I'm still in training.
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Fair and honest. For me, my "conditioning" since birth as an enabler/codie has been defining my actions as "being nice". Then when i turn 180 and get angry, I am labled a b*7ch. It's a no win situation that I have allowed. Repeat..... I have allowed....I have allowed. I'm still in training.
Anger is a common emotion when we don't let go of the outcome, what other people do, or not.
Girls are often raised to, no matter what, be nice/play nice. When we establish boundaries for ourselves, we are being nice to ourselves. Ain't nothing wrong with that.
We are all works in progress.
We all do. Sometimes I think we have a tendency to use someone's addiction to rationalize jerky behavior. In otherwords, we sometimes give addiction too much power and addiction becomes the scape goat, ala if it were not for his /her addiction, life would be peachy perfect.
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Very true. I've learned in the past year that manipulation comes in many forms and it's not always addiction related. Thanks for all your opinions! I love a good discussion and have learned alot from all of you. :-)
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