Becoming an alcoholic and not knowing what to do about it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1
Becoming an alcoholic and not knowing what to do about it?
i'm really scared that i'm becoming an alcoholic but i'm more scared to get help.
i've been at uni for over 4 months now and more and more i'm relying on alcohol to get me through stuff. a few of weeks ago we were drinking in the flat, and me and a friend went upstairs to the flat above to see if anyone from there was coming down and we had a conversation with one of the girls and i barely said a word because the whole time i was just thinking about how badly i needed a drink. i can't do anything without having a drink. i literally cant face other people, i just don't know how to act when i haven't been drinking to give me confidence. i don't know how to make conversation with people when i'm sober.
the problem is my friends here started making jokes about me being an alcoholic, but now they're not just joking, i think peole are genuinely worried about how much i'm drinking. this guy (who i hate, incidently) always says 'liquid confidence' everytime he sees me drinking. firstly i hate how he feels he can comment when he doesn't even drink himself, but i also find how accurate it is embarrassing, he always says it to other people hoping for some kind of reaction from me. i hate him. its not just him, the more concerned people become the more i push them away because i can't stand their worry.
i know i'm relying on alcohol far more than is healthy but i don't see how i can change this. i cant go out to a club without being absolutely pissed out my head because i will just be embarrassed and feel like a massive **** and wont dance. a standard night for me involves going to the club already trashed, having another 6 vodkas in 10 minutes, falling over then walking home by myself or making it through the whole night but it ending with me crying about something. i dont want to be like this, i hate being the one thats always more drunk then everyone else.
since coming to uni i've realised how much of a **** up my life is. i cant look after myself. i've gone over budget every week and i spend more money on vodka then i do on food and i dont eat enough and i cant remember the last time i went to a lecture and my work is all **** and i'm failing maths so bad. i'm such a mess. everyone here goes on about missing their mates back home but i dont have any friends back home to miss. i starting selfharming again too since i've been here. only once, i was drunk and angry and upset and lonely. 'its possible to be lonely in a big city' is no longer some patronising cliche for me anymore its a fricking reality. the people i'm friends with here are only friends because we've been thrown together and the longer i'm here the more i realise how much better friends the rest of them are with eachother. i'm always the fricking outcast.
my 'best friend' here has tried to talk to me before about how she thinks i drink too much, and asks if its because i'm depressed. she suggested i go to a doctor or see a counsellor or even just talk to her about it. all the time she was talking in my head i was screaming 'yes you're so right please help me' but i couln't say it and i just brushed off everything she said and told her she was being stupid and that i was completely fine.
i'm so sorry for moaning on and on.
i've been at uni for over 4 months now and more and more i'm relying on alcohol to get me through stuff. a few of weeks ago we were drinking in the flat, and me and a friend went upstairs to the flat above to see if anyone from there was coming down and we had a conversation with one of the girls and i barely said a word because the whole time i was just thinking about how badly i needed a drink. i can't do anything without having a drink. i literally cant face other people, i just don't know how to act when i haven't been drinking to give me confidence. i don't know how to make conversation with people when i'm sober.
the problem is my friends here started making jokes about me being an alcoholic, but now they're not just joking, i think peole are genuinely worried about how much i'm drinking. this guy (who i hate, incidently) always says 'liquid confidence' everytime he sees me drinking. firstly i hate how he feels he can comment when he doesn't even drink himself, but i also find how accurate it is embarrassing, he always says it to other people hoping for some kind of reaction from me. i hate him. its not just him, the more concerned people become the more i push them away because i can't stand their worry.
i know i'm relying on alcohol far more than is healthy but i don't see how i can change this. i cant go out to a club without being absolutely pissed out my head because i will just be embarrassed and feel like a massive **** and wont dance. a standard night for me involves going to the club already trashed, having another 6 vodkas in 10 minutes, falling over then walking home by myself or making it through the whole night but it ending with me crying about something. i dont want to be like this, i hate being the one thats always more drunk then everyone else.
since coming to uni i've realised how much of a **** up my life is. i cant look after myself. i've gone over budget every week and i spend more money on vodka then i do on food and i dont eat enough and i cant remember the last time i went to a lecture and my work is all **** and i'm failing maths so bad. i'm such a mess. everyone here goes on about missing their mates back home but i dont have any friends back home to miss. i starting selfharming again too since i've been here. only once, i was drunk and angry and upset and lonely. 'its possible to be lonely in a big city' is no longer some patronising cliche for me anymore its a fricking reality. the people i'm friends with here are only friends because we've been thrown together and the longer i'm here the more i realise how much better friends the rest of them are with eachother. i'm always the fricking outcast.
my 'best friend' here has tried to talk to me before about how she thinks i drink too much, and asks if its because i'm depressed. she suggested i go to a doctor or see a counsellor or even just talk to her about it. all the time she was talking in my head i was screaming 'yes you're so right please help me' but i couln't say it and i just brushed off everything she said and told her she was being stupid and that i was completely fine.
i'm so sorry for moaning on and on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 484
Have you ever considered going to a 12-step group? AA has helped me a lot, that's for sure. It might help you. What's funny, is when someone first referred me to 12-step groups, I instantly thought in my head, "There's no way that will ever work for me." Yet after a few months of being sober, I'd have to pinch myself, and think "Is this really happening? Have I really been sober for six months? Did I take a drink somewhere along the way? This can't be possible! But here I am!"
Like they say at AA meetings: "We will be amazed before we are half-way through." And it is so true. Give it a shot, it can't hurt.
Like they say at AA meetings: "We will be amazed before we are half-way through." And it is so true. Give it a shot, it can't hurt.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi Gosh
Welcome to SR
I used to be you - I didn't do anything about it cos I was too scared or too stubborn or too proud or too apathetic...and I ended up, at 40, an all day everyday drinker.
Do something now. Go see a counsellor at Uni if nothing else. Start the ball rolling... somewhere.
And keep posting here. You'll find a lot of support
D
Welcome to SR
I used to be you - I didn't do anything about it cos I was too scared or too stubborn or too proud or too apathetic...and I ended up, at 40, an all day everyday drinker.
Do something now. Go see a counsellor at Uni if nothing else. Start the ball rolling... somewhere.
And keep posting here. You'll find a lot of support
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
gosh you could be me 20 years ago - I would say you need help pretty quickly for several reasons - you will isolate yourself from your friends more by your anti-social behavior and also by pushing them away when they try to help, then you will feel more desperate and lonely, and then drink more 
You might flunk at college, which will also make you feel more worthless...
I agree with Sarah in that you might have an underlying problem, with anxiety/depression/self-esteem. This is how I was as a teen due to an abusive mother, and alcohol made me feel happy, funny, desirable etc. The alcohol makes the problem so much worse but it's so difficult to tell becuase the need for it feels so strong.
I am only 4 days in after a sudden realisation - I have been drinking for years and years, and it has finally started to threaten my life, job and family. I wish I had taken action right at the beginning. Is there any agencies you can walk into - alcohol and drug rehab centres? Just walk in, and they will take it from there and see what/how much help you need xxx
You might flunk at college, which will also make you feel more worthless...
I agree with Sarah in that you might have an underlying problem, with anxiety/depression/self-esteem. This is how I was as a teen due to an abusive mother, and alcohol made me feel happy, funny, desirable etc. The alcohol makes the problem so much worse but it's so difficult to tell becuase the need for it feels so strong.
I am only 4 days in after a sudden realisation - I have been drinking for years and years, and it has finally started to threaten my life, job and family. I wish I had taken action right at the beginning. Is there any agencies you can walk into - alcohol and drug rehab centres? Just walk in, and they will take it from there and see what/how much help you need xxx
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
Hello gosh, and welcome!
I m' an alcoholic and I'm in my end twenties, and I have been there- literally.
Every single thing and feeling you described has happened to me at one moment or the other in my drinking career. Much of this is my life in my early twenties. It took me several more years of isolation, despair and thr feeling of ultimate failure to get to the point where you are now.
To reach out to someone and try to get help for your problems is not easy- and I think it is great that you decided to do it now rather than later.
And I remember how much courage it costs to do that- so bravo for doing that, because unfortunately, I think I might know a thing or two about where you are headed. The good news is, this is not alost cause and you can do something about your problem.
This can stop, and you can feel better about your life, about yourself and others again. I was scared too, and for a too long time, too scared/shamed reach out for people that could help me.
I don't know wher you are at uni, where I live, there are counsellors for everything, from finacial problems to addiction at the universities, so maybe you can find out if something similar exists where you study. Specifically in your situation, this might be one of the first adresses to turn to, also because you might need further support with your studies if they have already suffered from your drinking.
Most of the time, you can make contact via e-mail before you call them or go to an appointment, so that might ease that hurdle and make it less stressful. Plus, it's easier to talk to someone who has dealt with people in these situations before, and whose job it is to help you. Also a counsellor can assert your situation objectively and can redirect you to some meetings and groups, some universities have even meetings on campus.
Many students have alcohol problems, and few have that courage to do somethig about it early on. You are not alone in this, and your life can be good again. Hugs, and take care, S.
I m' an alcoholic and I'm in my end twenties, and I have been there- literally.
Every single thing and feeling you described has happened to me at one moment or the other in my drinking career. Much of this is my life in my early twenties. It took me several more years of isolation, despair and thr feeling of ultimate failure to get to the point where you are now.
To reach out to someone and try to get help for your problems is not easy- and I think it is great that you decided to do it now rather than later.
And I remember how much courage it costs to do that- so bravo for doing that, because unfortunately, I think I might know a thing or two about where you are headed. The good news is, this is not alost cause and you can do something about your problem.
This can stop, and you can feel better about your life, about yourself and others again. I was scared too, and for a too long time, too scared/shamed reach out for people that could help me.
I don't know wher you are at uni, where I live, there are counsellors for everything, from finacial problems to addiction at the universities, so maybe you can find out if something similar exists where you study. Specifically in your situation, this might be one of the first adresses to turn to, also because you might need further support with your studies if they have already suffered from your drinking.
Most of the time, you can make contact via e-mail before you call them or go to an appointment, so that might ease that hurdle and make it less stressful. Plus, it's easier to talk to someone who has dealt with people in these situations before, and whose job it is to help you. Also a counsellor can assert your situation objectively and can redirect you to some meetings and groups, some universities have even meetings on campus.
Many students have alcohol problems, and few have that courage to do somethig about it early on. You are not alone in this, and your life can be good again. Hugs, and take care, S.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Hello and welcome.
I too thought "anxiety" might be the issue when reading your post.
Having had an anxiety disorder myself and trying to mask it by drinking did not help me. I became dependent on it for nearly every social aspect in my life until I got so tired of doing that, that I just isolated myself, but continued to drink. My dr. told me that drinking to deal with an anxiety disorder is even more prevalent in men, as many men don't want to appear "weak."
Pls take the advice given and either see a physician or a counselor (I suggest a LADAC - licensed alcohol/drug counselor). Their knowledge/expertise may guide you to non-drinking therapies to cope with any anxiety symptoms.
My dependence on alcohol to get me through such anxious moments resulted in full blown alcoholism. Although it "seems" to help with the anxiety at first, it is progressive in its effects and messes with your physical tolerance levels. What I used it for to "calm me down" eventually "completely controlled" my life and instead of me having a handle on it, it most definitely had a handle on me.
Good luck to you. Thanks for posting.
I too thought "anxiety" might be the issue when reading your post.
Having had an anxiety disorder myself and trying to mask it by drinking did not help me. I became dependent on it for nearly every social aspect in my life until I got so tired of doing that, that I just isolated myself, but continued to drink. My dr. told me that drinking to deal with an anxiety disorder is even more prevalent in men, as many men don't want to appear "weak."
Pls take the advice given and either see a physician or a counselor (I suggest a LADAC - licensed alcohol/drug counselor). Their knowledge/expertise may guide you to non-drinking therapies to cope with any anxiety symptoms.
My dependence on alcohol to get me through such anxious moments resulted in full blown alcoholism. Although it "seems" to help with the anxiety at first, it is progressive in its effects and messes with your physical tolerance levels. What I used it for to "calm me down" eventually "completely controlled" my life and instead of me having a handle on it, it most definitely had a handle on me.
Good luck to you. Thanks for posting.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hey Gosh. Sounds like you're from UK and at University in UK.
I am English and live in England. I am 24 now. I feel your pain mate and I have been where you've been. I'm guessing you're 18 or so right? Took me untill another 5 years untill I was 23 to finally admit I was an alcoholic and that if I was to live a life of relative happiness and peace of mind then alcohol just couldn't be a part of it.
I really feel for you mate as I know how integral alcohol and life at Uni is, particular the first year, with going out clubbing or pubbing or just having parties in the flat. I think going to see the counsellor is probably a good first step as like Dee says it gets the ball rolling and also it makes the necessary instituions aware that you're struggling.
However please bare in mind that if you're an alcoholic, and I am an alcoholic and I relate a lot to your story, then moderated drinking is a fairytale!! There is no such thing!!! I appreciate how difficult that must sound to you and I say it again I have been EXACTLY where you are now, and it only got worse. I dropped out of Uni in the second year and I was depressed as hell. My drinking increased and I also got into drugs heavily too.
I lost my driving license for 2 years and was stuck in a deadend job. I was seeing all my peers graduating and with steady girlfriends, kids, getting married etc and I was just F*cked wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Periodically I would manage to haul myself up only to be brought crashing down again with yet another binge.
Try to stop drinking as it will only compound the bad feelings you have and mess everything up even more. I know when I was where you are I wouldn't have listened to someone like me but then maybe you're further down the line than I was at your age, after all you have sought out help at SR.
Try not to pay to much attention to them other kids either, they think they know it all but really they are very naive and ain't got a clue. Being an alclholic is nothing to be ashamed of and it has given me a whole new beginning in my life. In some ways it was the best thing that ever happened to me! But only if I make sure that "just for today I will not drink" because if I drink then bad things will happen and I would quickly be back to where you're at now only worse because I have built my life back up from rock-bottom.
Keep posting on SR, it is a fantastic place, full of brilliant loving, caring people who onoly have your best interests at heart. I know where you're at right now and it brings back memories and I hope that at least you listen to some of what is said to you.
Keep your chin up and remember that you're as special and have a right to be happy just as much as the next person at Uni. Also I know when you are where you are it feels like your world is collapsing and your life is well and truly f*cked but trust me it ain't!! Worse case scenario would be to defer for a year and concentrate on your 'recovery'. That proably won't be necessary but please remember that things that seem unthinkable really ain;t that much of a big deal. I know because I F*cked up my life from 18-23 big time!! LOL. I was that kid who was always trashed at nightclubs, parties, or just on my own tbh but trust me alclholism is progressive, it will only ever get worse! I didn't even consider I was an alclholic at 18/19 and maybe I weren't but I sure was behaving like one. An alclholic doesn't have to be on a park bench drinking Tennants Super but that is where it will take you if you don't face it and keep away from that first drink at all costs.
Keep posting and All the best xxxxx
I am English and live in England. I am 24 now. I feel your pain mate and I have been where you've been. I'm guessing you're 18 or so right? Took me untill another 5 years untill I was 23 to finally admit I was an alcoholic and that if I was to live a life of relative happiness and peace of mind then alcohol just couldn't be a part of it.
I really feel for you mate as I know how integral alcohol and life at Uni is, particular the first year, with going out clubbing or pubbing or just having parties in the flat. I think going to see the counsellor is probably a good first step as like Dee says it gets the ball rolling and also it makes the necessary instituions aware that you're struggling.
However please bare in mind that if you're an alcoholic, and I am an alcoholic and I relate a lot to your story, then moderated drinking is a fairytale!! There is no such thing!!! I appreciate how difficult that must sound to you and I say it again I have been EXACTLY where you are now, and it only got worse. I dropped out of Uni in the second year and I was depressed as hell. My drinking increased and I also got into drugs heavily too.
I lost my driving license for 2 years and was stuck in a deadend job. I was seeing all my peers graduating and with steady girlfriends, kids, getting married etc and I was just F*cked wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Periodically I would manage to haul myself up only to be brought crashing down again with yet another binge.
Try to stop drinking as it will only compound the bad feelings you have and mess everything up even more. I know when I was where you are I wouldn't have listened to someone like me but then maybe you're further down the line than I was at your age, after all you have sought out help at SR.
Try not to pay to much attention to them other kids either, they think they know it all but really they are very naive and ain't got a clue. Being an alclholic is nothing to be ashamed of and it has given me a whole new beginning in my life. In some ways it was the best thing that ever happened to me! But only if I make sure that "just for today I will not drink" because if I drink then bad things will happen and I would quickly be back to where you're at now only worse because I have built my life back up from rock-bottom.
Keep posting on SR, it is a fantastic place, full of brilliant loving, caring people who onoly have your best interests at heart. I know where you're at right now and it brings back memories and I hope that at least you listen to some of what is said to you.
Keep your chin up and remember that you're as special and have a right to be happy just as much as the next person at Uni. Also I know when you are where you are it feels like your world is collapsing and your life is well and truly f*cked but trust me it ain't!! Worse case scenario would be to defer for a year and concentrate on your 'recovery'. That proably won't be necessary but please remember that things that seem unthinkable really ain;t that much of a big deal. I know because I F*cked up my life from 18-23 big time!! LOL. I was that kid who was always trashed at nightclubs, parties, or just on my own tbh but trust me alclholism is progressive, it will only ever get worse! I didn't even consider I was an alclholic at 18/19 and maybe I weren't but I sure was behaving like one. An alclholic doesn't have to be on a park bench drinking Tennants Super but that is where it will take you if you don't face it and keep away from that first drink at all costs.
Keep posting and All the best xxxxx
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
all the time she was talking in my head i was screaming 'yes you're so right please help me'
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 239
hello there. i'm so sorry that you're experiencing this; it sucks to feel like that. although the details are often different, everyone HERE knows what you're going through. i'm not sure what your situation is as far as transportation, but may i suggest that while you're on the computer, you go to the a.a. website and find where a meeting (the next meeting) is located close enough that you can walk or take a bus to it... if it feels like that is too far away, hang around here for a while until its time for the meeting. and please don't worry about all the OTHER stuff and other people right now; i know university is important, but not nearly as improtant as your mental and physical well being. i know its hard when you feel you're looked down on or an outcast... i've felt like that my whole life pretty much, until maybe about seven or eight years ago (i'm 38 now), and realized that i am who i am. the few friends i have are dear and precious, and thats all that really counts. seek out your sobriety first, and you WILL LEARN (and it is a learning process) to feel better in your own skin... without the alcohol.
best wishes and a big hug to you... (((((((((())))))))))
gg
best wishes and a big hug to you... (((((((((())))))))))
gg
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 239
oh, and i would like to add... don't be afraid to speak to a person (of your own sex, preferably) and tell them that you need help if you go to an a.a. meeting. they are so supportive and open, and will understand just what you're dealing with.
gg
gg
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