Gold

12 months ago he acknowledged he had a problem, had some counselling, said he would stop...quack quack quack. We did not live together except for weekends for the year. 5-6 weeks ago after not living together we moved together with my 15yo to a new town with new jobs. An exciting career move for me with good money.
His drinking that had been hidden from me for the past 12 months became glaringly obvious and I started stating my boundaries and following through For example not sleeping in the same bed when he chose to drink. Disengaging when he drinks. He states he does not have a problem, has no intention to go to meetings, read or change.

I felt things coming to a head with me wanting to end the relationship and he tried to initiate a talk but I asked for 2 weeks to settle into my new job before we had "The Talk"

Well lo and behold at the 2 week mark almost to the dot I got sick. Very sick with pnemonia. He was to drunk to drive me to Emergency, the *****, so I drove myself. I was just discharged yesterday. I also lost my vioce completely. so as a consequence we still haven't had the talk. LOL I cant speak. I am so mad!

He hasn't contributed one cent to rent or household expences even though he is working full time. I feel used and taken for granted. He didn't bring my daughter up once to see me in hospital.

Now that I can clearly see what the problems are in our relationship and have defined my bottom line how quickly I have gone from loving this person to hating him.

So I am waiting for my voice to return. Things are horrible at home. he drinks My DD and i hate him.

Trying2Fly

I'm so sorry you're feeling bad. It does indeed sound like he doesn't care about anything but the drinking. I hope that you feel better (physically) and continue to have the mental strength to get through this. Hugs.

Live

oh...I am sorry for laughing...but I am seeing a big poster board with "GET OUT!!!" written on it in huge red letters!
I am so glad to hear you so strong in yourself and with your daughter!!!
I hope you get well soon!

GiveLove

Hope you feel better soon, Gold.

Gold

Thank you.
I just hired a housekeeper for oncea fortnight to do all the floors, dusting, bathrooms.
What a relief. Deligating as I now work full time and bloody deserve some support.
A cleaner that costs less per week than a slab of beer!

KeepPedaling

Gold, you are awesome! Great idea on the housekeeper. Great job taking care of yourself! That's so horrible that he didn't drive you to the emergency room. I hope you feel better really fast. Wishing you lots of strength and happiness.

Redheadsusie

I am sorry you have been sick. I have broken down in cars in bad areas of town and and also been injured and he was too drunk to help. I am so sorry you had to take yourself to the hospital. Alcoholism is the most selfish disease. Thank God for my kids - they have stepped up and picked Mom up from the ghetto and helped me when I could not get out of bed from a bad injury - all while Ah was too drunk to care or help. He feels no remorse for it all - tells me I am needy. Nice~ The cleaning lady is a treat for your hard work. Much peace to you ~

Jadmack25

Dear Gold, I am sorry to hear you have been so ill, and that you have been treated so badly by someone who should have been a good support.

Have a few suggestions you could give him, and a voice isn't necessary for him to get the message.

God bless

Pelican

I'm sorry that you have been sick! I hope you are feeling better soon.

In the meantime, here is a quick lesson in sign language for your A. Make the shape of the letter "L" with your right hand and hold it up to your forehead. Universally accepted for "Loser"

I can think of another universally accepted hand gesture too........

stella27

I am so sorry that you have been so ill!

I don't know why you need a voice when there is so little to say! I love the suggestions above. You take care of yourself and that precious daughter!

FindingPeace1

So sorry for your illness.
How deep is that? Losing your voice! It gives me a deep appreciation for our own battle against inertia. Boy, is that part of us that resists change a powerful force!

So, what's the plan for when you recover your voice and strength?

Gold

So true wifeof..
My body / soul seems to be asking for some space with this darn loss of voice I certainly feel it is a resistance to change issue. My voice is coming back a bit..scratchy though.
I want him out and am considering writing it down for him.
M plan is to get him out of my life, not just the house and live here with DD and see out my 12 month contract and enjoy the peace.
This move is form a hot dry area to a lovely coastal town so a nice 12 month seachange and i intent to :
enjoy the seachange,
care for my daughter
work, ,
restart yoga,
read ( have ordered co-dependant no more.),
quilt,
walk on the beach a lot and
eat well.
I am 45 and positively intend to stay single.

What do you think, write it down or have a conversation in my scratchy half voice.

FindingPeace1

Ooooh. That's tough.
If you are sure you want him out and will move, then it seems it is more of informing and less of a conversation.
What comes up for you (pro and con) when you consider your choices?

Gold

Which choices do you mean?
To have him leave or stay?
.. or
To write it down vs verbal confrontation?

I know in my heart and soul the relationship is over. there are no positives for me in continuing on. The love has died. The hope is gone. His every action and word irritates me. I dont like, trust or respect him.

FindingPeace1

To write it down or talk to him.

Gold

Oh I see.

hmmm
To write it down is easier on me at the moment but still in a day or two the verbal confrontation has to be played out.
i guess I am wanting to write something now to set the ball in motion . Every day living like this is having an impact on my physical healing and I wanted to hurry the process.

the disadvantage on having a talk is my voice is weak and he has poor hearing to it is going to be exhausting. Normal I have a strong voice and I dont feel I am at my strongest but dont want to prolong things

The advantage in writing is that I write well and can often say things I forget or stumble over verbally

But... really I am not about to enter a discussion of "what ifs" or listen to his quacking because for me it is over. There is no negotiation to be had or chances given. I am done so I can say what I want in very few words so perhaps I should just get tough and have the talk.
Thanks for the space to ramble on...

Bernadette

Hey Gold--
Here's what Louise Hay has to say about pneumonia in her marvelous little book Heal Your Body that explores the psychological reasons behind illness and offers affirmations to bring healing...

Pneumonia: Desperate. Tired of life. Emotional wounds that are not allowed to heal.

Affirmation: I freely take in divine ideas that are filled with the breath and intelligence of life. This is a new moment.

and about losing your voice she says:
So mad you can't speak. Fear of speaking up. Resentment of authority.

Affirmation: I am free to ask for what I want. It is safe to express myself. I am at peace.

I do hope you are on the mend and back in action soon!
peace-
b

Live

If you strain to talk now you may wind up losing your voice for even longer?

Gold

True.
I have been ready Louise Hays Book this week. Her analogy sits rigt for me.
The closer it comes time for him to come home the shorter of breath I am. Feel smothered.
I think th direct verbal apporach is te way to go , this afternoon.
Brave in spirit, now I just need to do it.

Jadmack25

Dear Gold, I found an image that says exactly what I think of his behavior to you.
Feel free to pass it on, as it does not need any interpretation.

God bless