Need some help taming my brain
Need some help taming my brain
Dear SR family,
I'm having a bit of trouble with my brain. My actions are generally getting more and more under control. I don't contact XAH and it's working well for me. But my darn brain...it runs away on me a lot these days, especially around my friends. I find myself imagining or wanting to spend all my time with a person, or imagining various dramatic situations that would somehow strengthen the bonds between us...I see myself getting too involved in someone else's life and though I stop myself, the thoughts recur and recur, despite my best efforts. I have had a few, er, explicit dreams about certain male friends of mine (doh!), and I'm starting to suspect that I am over-indulging in spending time with a few of them.
This is such a tricky thing for me because I KNOW my mind likes to play tricks on me. Though I scold myself internally, I know I tend to focus on *others* instead of myself. I know my boundaries get very easily lost or overlooked if I'm trying to please people. I'm a true blue codie and I'm discovering that the habits are deeply engrained in me. It's a daily struggle to bring the focus back to myself, to right here right now, instead of lauching myself on yet another crusade to "help someone else" or in developping a bit of a crush on a girl/guy friend. It's annoying.
I'm wondering if there's anything I could do to help calm my thoughts. I've never done mediation...would that be useful?
I'm having a bit of trouble with my brain. My actions are generally getting more and more under control. I don't contact XAH and it's working well for me. But my darn brain...it runs away on me a lot these days, especially around my friends. I find myself imagining or wanting to spend all my time with a person, or imagining various dramatic situations that would somehow strengthen the bonds between us...I see myself getting too involved in someone else's life and though I stop myself, the thoughts recur and recur, despite my best efforts. I have had a few, er, explicit dreams about certain male friends of mine (doh!), and I'm starting to suspect that I am over-indulging in spending time with a few of them.
This is such a tricky thing for me because I KNOW my mind likes to play tricks on me. Though I scold myself internally, I know I tend to focus on *others* instead of myself. I know my boundaries get very easily lost or overlooked if I'm trying to please people. I'm a true blue codie and I'm discovering that the habits are deeply engrained in me. It's a daily struggle to bring the focus back to myself, to right here right now, instead of lauching myself on yet another crusade to "help someone else" or in developping a bit of a crush on a girl/guy friend. It's annoying.
I'm wondering if there's anything I could do to help calm my thoughts. I've never done mediation...would that be useful?
I've never done mediation...would that be useful?
I know for me, if I could figure more ways to quiet my mind and my racing thoughts it would be awesome. Where I am at in my life right now, I am unable or unwilling to practice and spend the time to meditate, I get so antsy! Same thing happens to me in a yoga class- after about 30 minutes I am like - OK gotta go!
I use the techniques I learned in Cognitive Behavior Therapy - examining the thoughts on paper and applying my rational mind to them and then making a very clear decision about whether I want to continue with that line of thinking or let-it-go. Also I need reminding - so having a plan or a little list of things I should be focused on thinking or doing helps me. I always think these lists would be so weird for others to read - but I leave them around (on the calendar- my bulletin board, etc.) and no one seems to notice... they are probably too cryptic or too dull to anyone else!
peace-
b
I know for me, if I could figure more ways to quiet my mind and my racing thoughts it would be awesome. Where I am at in my life right now, I am unable or unwilling to practice and spend the time to meditate, I get so antsy! Same thing happens to me in a yoga class- after about 30 minutes I am like - OK gotta go!
I use the techniques I learned in Cognitive Behavior Therapy - examining the thoughts on paper and applying my rational mind to them and then making a very clear decision about whether I want to continue with that line of thinking or let-it-go. Also I need reminding - so having a plan or a little list of things I should be focused on thinking or doing helps me. I always think these lists would be so weird for others to read - but I leave them around (on the calendar- my bulletin board, etc.) and no one seems to notice... they are probably too cryptic or too dull to anyone else!
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
That is cute and funny, Bernadette!
I think simple breathing meditations and practicing emptying the mind are wonderful. I also find such distractions as reading and playing an online game (slots for me! LOL) helpful.
Rome wasn't built in a day, NoOne, and this is still pretty new. (your separation) You are aware of your patterns so I think that is wonderful. On the "fake it til you make it" theory..I suspect your thinking will catch up with your actions and decisions in time.
hugs!
Live
I think simple breathing meditations and practicing emptying the mind are wonderful. I also find such distractions as reading and playing an online game (slots for me! LOL) helpful.
Rome wasn't built in a day, NoOne, and this is still pretty new. (your separation) You are aware of your patterns so I think that is wonderful. On the "fake it til you make it" theory..I suspect your thinking will catch up with your actions and decisions in time.
hugs!
Live
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
I have posted about meditation before. I find it wonderfully helpful for doing exactly as you say - stepping out of your mind and developing a neutral observer. Then you are not just drowning in your thoughts, but able to step out and say, "Oh, look. I am obsessing again." or missing or feeling sad or whatever you are doing. It allows you to take actions that are from a healthier place, too.
If you live in a big town, you can see if there is an ashram/buddhist temple/meditation center you could visit.
I went to a free 10 day meditation retreat, which I can highly recommend. They have centers around the country and the world (IM me for details).
It is hard to start meditating. Your rational mind puts up quite a fight. So, while you can learn the basic techniques on YouTube videos, without a support community or regular schedule, its easy to stop doing it.
Good luck!
w
If you live in a big town, you can see if there is an ashram/buddhist temple/meditation center you could visit.
I went to a free 10 day meditation retreat, which I can highly recommend. They have centers around the country and the world (IM me for details).
It is hard to start meditating. Your rational mind puts up quite a fight. So, while you can learn the basic techniques on YouTube videos, without a support community or regular schedule, its easy to stop doing it.
Good luck!
w
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