I'm so done
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 19
I'm so done
I'm so done and I feel powerless and tired and looking for encouragement. I don't know where to start, I feel so powerless, like I've no power today. I've broken up from living with an alcoholic for one year now (which followed a several panic attacs for the last weeks/months). Finnally I'm living *home* (my place). But I feel so powerless now and like I've no power at all. Even getting up ore making breakfast, ore get my homework done is so exhausting. I don't know where to start.
Will look for a meeting tonight but they only have aa in my town.
maybe that is ok too?
but im afraid for what causes im going there.i just need to share my story and ill ive gone through.just share everything cause i cant keep the burden myslf.
i just miss my ex so much though and feel so lonely without him.
im afraid of what our heads can do to us.and why we are heading different courses(directions?).i dont know if this tiredness(?)and feeling of powerless will go away. is it normal to feel like this afterwards? what exactly am i going through? some say its a sign of health, but why do I then feel worse than ever?
please give me some encouragement, I need it for today.
thank you
tlc
Will look for a meeting tonight but they only have aa in my town.
maybe that is ok too?
but im afraid for what causes im going there.i just need to share my story and ill ive gone through.just share everything cause i cant keep the burden myslf.
i just miss my ex so much though and feel so lonely without him.
im afraid of what our heads can do to us.and why we are heading different courses(directions?).i dont know if this tiredness(?)and feeling of powerless will go away. is it normal to feel like this afterwards? what exactly am i going through? some say its a sign of health, but why do I then feel worse than ever?
please give me some encouragement, I need it for today.
thank you
tlc
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 19
same time, Im just trying to get over my ex ore atleast detach to him, not to be so dependant and so on.... but its hard. because it feels like he's the only thing I've left. how the hell could I fall this hard and become so dependant??
Even if I know that IM SO TIRED after being together with him for a year, I feel more tired than ever and that I could never imagine a lifetime ore a life with him ore someone like him, if its suppose to be like this.! but it hurt so much and it ****s with someones head.the emotions it costs. i try to be strong and look for encouragement that Im not alone in all this ****. But it feels that I've do to everything myself and that I cant make it. I just want to be "normal" again. Not feeling so tired all the time and not being able to make decisions drags me down to. I try to look for things that makes me happy and that makes me spend some more time with myself. But I cant even make a small decision. I wanted to buy something nice for myself (a pair of jeans!!) but I'vent bought ANYTHING nice for myself the whole ***ing year. And Im like, walking back and forth in the same store 20 times just becuase I cant make a ***king decisions! I hate it and I know I should just make it. How hard could it be? and why would you regret something that small, even if its an "investment" in yourself?
Life's too funny sometimes..we cannot forget ourselves.....first of all.....thats the most important.....and I guess that's what I did spending that year with him. taking more care of him than myself. and therefore forgetting myself. and now I can't even buy something nice to myself.isn't that ironic
well i hope and wish you good look with your decisions for today.
J :ghug3
Even if I know that IM SO TIRED after being together with him for a year, I feel more tired than ever and that I could never imagine a lifetime ore a life with him ore someone like him, if its suppose to be like this.! but it hurt so much and it ****s with someones head.the emotions it costs. i try to be strong and look for encouragement that Im not alone in all this ****. But it feels that I've do to everything myself and that I cant make it. I just want to be "normal" again. Not feeling so tired all the time and not being able to make decisions drags me down to. I try to look for things that makes me happy and that makes me spend some more time with myself. But I cant even make a small decision. I wanted to buy something nice for myself (a pair of jeans!!) but I'vent bought ANYTHING nice for myself the whole ***ing year. And Im like, walking back and forth in the same store 20 times just becuase I cant make a ***king decisions! I hate it and I know I should just make it. How hard could it be? and why would you regret something that small, even if its an "investment" in yourself?
Life's too funny sometimes..we cannot forget ourselves.....first of all.....thats the most important.....and I guess that's what I did spending that year with him. taking more care of him than myself. and therefore forgetting myself. and now I can't even buy something nice to myself.isn't that ironic
well i hope and wish you good look with your decisions for today.
J :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 512
Have you tried eating chocolate and taking some B vitamins? These feelings are normal and should subside over time. Maybe you're going through withdrawals and it's tough! When you arrive at the otherside, your sense of normal will be stronger and you'll surprise yourself. Why not invest in the melody beattie book codependent no more? that way you can essentiall lay around doing nothing but still doing something for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
You're fine. It's normal and its not easy.
What you sound like is in depression.
Depression (when its not biological) is sometimes our inability to feel our feelings.
I would consider therapy to feel like you have someone to listen and support you every week.
Even if you're not depressed, therapy can help you work through your stuff and find the self love and enthusiasm that will carry you out of this place.
Good luck.
Hugs and all the cyber support I got!
w
What you sound like is in depression.
Depression (when its not biological) is sometimes our inability to feel our feelings.
I would consider therapy to feel like you have someone to listen and support you every week.
Even if you're not depressed, therapy can help you work through your stuff and find the self love and enthusiasm that will carry you out of this place.
Good luck.
Hugs and all the cyber support I got!
w
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
The tiredness, lack of motivation, unable to make decisions sounds like me in the midst of my depression. Have you been to see a doctor? I'm on anti depressants. Without them, I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. They have helped me and they may help you too. Counselling has also helped me.
Please don't beat yourself up for not being perfect, for not being able to make a decision. Try and be kind to yourself. My counsellor has asked me to stop 'should'ing myself in my thoughts. (eg I should be this or I should have done that etc etc). You are who you are. I too feel I 'should' be over it, I 'should be feeling fabulous since I'm divorced and NC for 5 months now. Sometimes I am! Other times I'm left wondering 'now what' and I too freeze in case I make a 'wrong' decision over simple things. I seem to be able to make a better job of caring for my cats than I am about caring for me!
Go to AA. If you have the need to tell your story, do it. It is about looking after YOU.
:ghug3
Please don't beat yourself up for not being perfect, for not being able to make a decision. Try and be kind to yourself. My counsellor has asked me to stop 'should'ing myself in my thoughts. (eg I should be this or I should have done that etc etc). You are who you are. I too feel I 'should' be over it, I 'should be feeling fabulous since I'm divorced and NC for 5 months now. Sometimes I am! Other times I'm left wondering 'now what' and I too freeze in case I make a 'wrong' decision over simple things. I seem to be able to make a better job of caring for my cats than I am about caring for me!
Go to AA. If you have the need to tell your story, do it. It is about looking after YOU.
:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
only aa in your town? that is a bummer, but perhaps if you go when it's your turn to speak you can say you are a non-addict, but seeking someone from the "other side" to sponsor you. many of the aa's will have significant others who may be able to be your al-anon friend.
one thing i know for certain: you won't stay feeling like this forever. you are taking some action, and with action comes change.
peace,
one thing i know for certain: you won't stay feeling like this forever. you are taking some action, and with action comes change.
peace,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Speaking both from a personal and professional point of view, I feel from your story that you most probably have depression, and I suggest you seek help from your doctor as soon as you can. I agree that going to AA and asking for someone to help you thru your experience with your A, is a good idea, as is reading MB's book.
Taking a vitamin supplement, eating well and resting when you are tired, can help also.
God bless
Taking a vitamin supplement, eating well and resting when you are tired, can help also.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 19
Ok, thank you all for your advices. Well, everyone I've seen is telling me the same things, that I may be depressed....but I don't know why im feeling like this. feels like everythings **** all the time, and that something's missing from my life. I left abroad to be with my "A", stayed for a year, and now I'm back home, and it feels like all I've left is him, even if he isn't here with me.... all I've left is my family but everyone's going on with their own stuff so I dont ave anyone to share my experiences with either, thats why im thinking about seeking out to aa. it feels like even daily life is hard now when im alone . i dont know what to do. i didnt feel this at first when i came back, i felt normal and had a lots of time and energy to do things, even went out to celebrate new years eve with friends... even if i didnt feel to. but then my x cheated on me, i felt like down, all came back to this.
and i though you are suppose to feel good when you break up from someone...
i dont know what to do. i feel like ****. i dont wanna pity for myself either and i dont feel like i deserve to feel like this either, after all im going through. but what the hell am i going to do.
thanks for your thoughts,
makes me feel im not alone.
thank you, all of you.
and i though you are suppose to feel good when you break up from someone...
i dont know what to do. i feel like ****. i dont wanna pity for myself either and i dont feel like i deserve to feel like this either, after all im going through. but what the hell am i going to do.
thanks for your thoughts,
makes me feel im not alone.
thank you, all of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 19
i dont, i wish i could feel that i had so much more to give, to be with someone i deserve and who deserves me back....
and then it all comes back to this......zero................but maybe changes is good too, to the better though, but i dont know what im going through and why am i suppose to feel like this. fine, it wasnt easy all the time, but isnt it suppose to be easier when you're finnally on your own...?
hugs
and then it all comes back to this......zero................but maybe changes is good too, to the better though, but i dont know what im going through and why am i suppose to feel like this. fine, it wasnt easy all the time, but isnt it suppose to be easier when you're finnally on your own...?
hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 19
Ok, to see a therapist is maybe a good way to start. I've tried suppliments and daily vitamins and so on... and my values are fine, so im not lacking anything. i try to excercise daily but i lack the energy and time for that to. it feels like im spending my time doing zero, and still theres no time to do anything!! its like time passing by and i dont get anything done.
i just feel so terrible and beaten up from inside. like theres nothing left of me.
i feel terrible from the inside, and the last panic attacs its like everything is blowing up from inside. i feel worse than before :/
really "bad".
i just feel so terrible and beaten up from inside. like theres nothing left of me.
i feel terrible from the inside, and the last panic attacs its like everything is blowing up from inside. i feel worse than before :/
really "bad".
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Please do make an appmt to see a Dr, it does sound like you are depressed. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand (the panic and problems with decisions, self-worth, fatigue)....there is no shame in getting help with the illness of depression.
I had a very hard time accepting that but am so very grateful that I have. Like Bookwrym, I would be miserable and unable to get out of bed if it weren't for the treatment of the medical aspect of my depression.
The general advice is that if you have felt this way for 2 weeks, see a Dr.
hugs...I know it hurts!
Live
I had a very hard time accepting that but am so very grateful that I have. Like Bookwrym, I would be miserable and unable to get out of bed if it weren't for the treatment of the medical aspect of my depression.
The general advice is that if you have felt this way for 2 weeks, see a Dr.
hugs...I know it hurts!
Live
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
(((tlc21)))
Counselling really helped me. Don't discount anti depressants either though. Depression can cause a chemical inbalance in your brain that meds can help even out! As Live says, if you've been feeling like this for a while, please go see a doctor. You don't have to feel like this, you can get help.
Something you said on another thread about feeling so empty inside, reminded me of today's post in the Getting past Your Past blog : Identity and NC Getting Past Your Past
Don't know how much you will relate to it but I've found the blog there very useful. Itsmealice first posted a link to it ages ago and I can't thank her enough for it!
In the midst of my depression, everything seems so overwhelming. Focusing in one just one thing and taking that small step helps me feel a little less stuck. I make just a little progress. The hardest thing for me to do has been to stop beating myself up about not getting everything done right now (cos the world will end if I don't, don'tyouknow) and giving myself a break. Be kind to yourself. You deserve some kindness!
Counselling really helped me. Don't discount anti depressants either though. Depression can cause a chemical inbalance in your brain that meds can help even out! As Live says, if you've been feeling like this for a while, please go see a doctor. You don't have to feel like this, you can get help.
Something you said on another thread about feeling so empty inside, reminded me of today's post in the Getting past Your Past blog : Identity and NC Getting Past Your Past
Don't know how much you will relate to it but I've found the blog there very useful. Itsmealice first posted a link to it ages ago and I can't thank her enough for it!
In the midst of my depression, everything seems so overwhelming. Focusing in one just one thing and taking that small step helps me feel a little less stuck. I make just a little progress. The hardest thing for me to do has been to stop beating myself up about not getting everything done right now (cos the world will end if I don't, don'tyouknow) and giving myself a break. Be kind to yourself. You deserve some kindness!
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