A quick hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5
A quick hello
Hi everyone,
I've been reading this board for a few weeks. My story in short is that both my parents were binge drinkers for as long as I remember. My dad died when I was younger and my mum became a pretty full blown alcoholic a few years after.
I'm twenty three now and I managed to detach from my mother a few years ago after some counselling. We didn't speak for maybe 2 years and a few months ago she got in touch to say she hadn't had a drink it 3 months and she was seeing a doctor and getting better. I was careful not to get my hopes up but of course my mind started racing away with me slightly. Should I make plans to go home for Christmas etc etc One week later she called me, plastered.
Not a good thing no, but what was a good thing was that her getting drunk again was no longer the end of my world. It did bring up a lot of emotions and it wasn't an easy time however I no longer live and die by whether she drinks or not and that is something which I am happy about.
It still hurts sometimes of course. That's why I started looking on this board around that time. It's the usual feeling of being glad that I'm not alone but being sad that so many people have to go through this.
I also have some issues in myself which counselling and some Acoa reading have helped me realise may be a result of growing up with an alcoholic mum. I'm hoping maybe participating in this forum will help me with some of these.
My counsellor used to tell me 'you don't have to turn into your mother'. I didn't truly realise that I feared / expected this until recently. Sometimes, I feel like I see so much of her in me. While I'm not a drunk, the same sort of insecurities I saw in her arise in me. Sometimes I need help realise that it's not hopeless, that I can have a good life and a happy life and that I'm not "destined" for failure, unhapiness, I'm not inately useless or pathetic, it's just patterns of thinking I've fallen into.
Thanks everyone for everything I've read that you've shared. It's helped a lot.
I've been reading this board for a few weeks. My story in short is that both my parents were binge drinkers for as long as I remember. My dad died when I was younger and my mum became a pretty full blown alcoholic a few years after.
I'm twenty three now and I managed to detach from my mother a few years ago after some counselling. We didn't speak for maybe 2 years and a few months ago she got in touch to say she hadn't had a drink it 3 months and she was seeing a doctor and getting better. I was careful not to get my hopes up but of course my mind started racing away with me slightly. Should I make plans to go home for Christmas etc etc One week later she called me, plastered.
Not a good thing no, but what was a good thing was that her getting drunk again was no longer the end of my world. It did bring up a lot of emotions and it wasn't an easy time however I no longer live and die by whether she drinks or not and that is something which I am happy about.
It still hurts sometimes of course. That's why I started looking on this board around that time. It's the usual feeling of being glad that I'm not alone but being sad that so many people have to go through this.
I also have some issues in myself which counselling and some Acoa reading have helped me realise may be a result of growing up with an alcoholic mum. I'm hoping maybe participating in this forum will help me with some of these.
My counsellor used to tell me 'you don't have to turn into your mother'. I didn't truly realise that I feared / expected this until recently. Sometimes, I feel like I see so much of her in me. While I'm not a drunk, the same sort of insecurities I saw in her arise in me. Sometimes I need help realise that it's not hopeless, that I can have a good life and a happy life and that I'm not "destined" for failure, unhapiness, I'm not inately useless or pathetic, it's just patterns of thinking I've fallen into.
Thanks everyone for everything I've read that you've shared. It's helped a lot.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Welcome KeepGoing.
I'm very glad to hear you're getting useful information out of this forum. I strongly recommend you read the "stickies" at the top of this forum, something in there may click for you. I particularly find the Bill of Rights sticky useful, and I've been recovering for many years now. Sometimes something happens that just throws me off, and I need a reminder that I'm not useless, unimportant, invisible or whatever other crazy old tape is playing in my head.
There are, unfortunately, a lot of people who can relate to what you posted. I hope you continue to post or read here and that you can continue to find strength in our own journeys.
Your therapist is correct - you don't have to turn into your mother. She's made her choices - yours do not have to be the same choices.
I'm very glad to hear you're getting useful information out of this forum. I strongly recommend you read the "stickies" at the top of this forum, something in there may click for you. I particularly find the Bill of Rights sticky useful, and I've been recovering for many years now. Sometimes something happens that just throws me off, and I need a reminder that I'm not useless, unimportant, invisible or whatever other crazy old tape is playing in my head.
There are, unfortunately, a lot of people who can relate to what you posted. I hope you continue to post or read here and that you can continue to find strength in our own journeys.
Your therapist is correct - you don't have to turn into your mother. She's made her choices - yours do not have to be the same choices.
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