Frustrated
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 729
Frustrated
So this morning I am leaving my ABF house and have kind of been not so nice to him as I have a wall up. So I say I am going to leave him a nice note and grab a notebook from his headboard. In it are pages ripped out of his 4th step. I know this because I wrote a 4th step and had to do the same thing as him. They were pages from his fear inventory. Which leads me to believe because he wants to finish his 4th step to either recover or impress me he has ripped pages. I am disgusted. I did not say anything as it is really none of my business what he writes in his 4th step, but they say half measures availed us NOTHING.
He leaves in 24 days to go to Iraq (pre-training) and I have some thinking to do. The 12 steps are very important to me and if you are not thorough and honest from the start you might as well throw it away and not do it as these things will come to haunt. I did not read what he wrote but I KNOW the format. We are both sponsored by the same type of sponsor BBSS....
Trust, trust trust BROKEN. I read another post do all addicts call their significant others soulmates, queens, and all that stuff.... I am just again angry and I know it stems from fear of not being told the truth, not being good enough, ect....
Thanks!
He leaves in 24 days to go to Iraq (pre-training) and I have some thinking to do. The 12 steps are very important to me and if you are not thorough and honest from the start you might as well throw it away and not do it as these things will come to haunt. I did not read what he wrote but I KNOW the format. We are both sponsored by the same type of sponsor BBSS....
Trust, trust trust BROKEN. I read another post do all addicts call their significant others soulmates, queens, and all that stuff.... I am just again angry and I know it stems from fear of not being told the truth, not being good enough, ect....
Thanks!
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Cmhcali))) - I can't speak for other addicts, but I left my XABF because I knew I couldn't trust him. He'd given me no indication of any reason TO trust him, and, in my case, he kept using, so I had to walk away. It was the smartest, yet HARDEST thing, I've ever done.
He was my 3rd XABF. I'm working on me, to find out why I keep seaking out men like him.
I don't know about you and your recovery, but trust is a biggie for me. If I can't trust you, I'd really rather not have you in my life. Is it easy? He!! no! However, it's one thing I can't get past...no matter what. It's the one thing that keeps coming to the surface....keeps bringing up "issues" with me. I've finally realized that it's because it's IMPORTANT to me...and that's okay.
You have a familiarity with the 12-steps. Are you able to let him "do him" and you "do you"? I know he's leaving soon, and I can only imagine what emotions that brings up. I have no answers, but am sending you many hugs and prayers!
Amy
He was my 3rd XABF. I'm working on me, to find out why I keep seaking out men like him.
I don't know about you and your recovery, but trust is a biggie for me. If I can't trust you, I'd really rather not have you in my life. Is it easy? He!! no! However, it's one thing I can't get past...no matter what. It's the one thing that keeps coming to the surface....keeps bringing up "issues" with me. I've finally realized that it's because it's IMPORTANT to me...and that's okay.
You have a familiarity with the 12-steps. Are you able to let him "do him" and you "do you"? I know he's leaving soon, and I can only imagine what emotions that brings up. I have no answers, but am sending you many hugs and prayers!
Amy
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