ibsenplays

I'm still sober but still not ready to go to a meeting. It's only a matter of time before I will drink. It would be easier if my drinking was out of control, that is, blackout drinking. Instead I make myself miserable on half a bottle of wine once or twice a week. It tastes great and feels great at the time but the next time I'm really sick. And I know that a "normal" drinker would simply not drink. I am allergic to alcohol and the obsession to drink is strong, even if I only drink occasionally and not a prodigious amount. No one is telling me to quit, it is just me. I am praying for guidance and, I suppose, surrender. I have not surrendered. I know I basically write the same thing ever time I log in but I'm grateful to have a place to write down these thoughts. Thank you.

CarolD

Hi again.....

I moved you to Newcomers where you will find
a lot of supportive members in early sobreity.

Well done on your sober time....

Astro

I'm glad you're here ibsen, well done on 2 weeks.

We die to live. We surrender to win. We suffer to get well. We give away to keep.

Your post made me remember those paradoxes. For me, surrendering meant being freed from the obsession. The more I surrendered, the freer I felt. I hope you decide to go to a meeting someday. Those AA'ers don't bite. Chances are, they'll love you until you're able to love yourself.

ghostgirl

its never to early to quit. i've had a bit of frustration at times with the "gutter" stories i've heard at meetings past; i haven't lost all, but stand to atleast lose my health, and my good relationship with my kid. i know what i'm up against, and i'd venture to say you know what you're up against, too. have you given the a.a. alternatives a try yet? not everyone goes to meetings (a.a.), but they do work for many people. some people use online tools (such as this wonderful sight), and nothing else, and are happy with that. i've been using the s.m.a.r.t. tools (cognitive behavior therapy), and its completely free. i think this sight might have a link to the website. if not, (and i'm unsure of the exact site address myself, as i just click the bookmark), you can google "smart tools and alcoholism", or something like that.

good luck, and good on you for coming this far. its not easy!

gg

Dee74

It took me a long time to admit defeat and surrender....I had to lose a lot...career, family, love, self respect, health, very nearly lost my life...

I don't remember much beyond flashes of the ten years from 1997...

I hope you work it out quicker than I did.
D

least

You don't have to go back to that misery. Stay sober. It's worth it. :ghug3

Anna

Good for you for having two weeks sober!

I hope you keep reading and posting here.

coffeenut

Two weeks is great!

Hope you keep coming back and keep reading. Glad you are here.

Ghostlight

Congratulations on week 2!

I'm on week 5 today, actually. I know if I don't get to an AA meeting, I'm going to drink again.
That's it-pure and simple. I can not do this alone. I've tried and tried.
I've darn near been in the gutter. And that was 20 years ago, yet, I continued to drink.

Don't wait for the far worse things to happen. And they will. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease.

Sending you the best,

Ghost

ibsenplays

Hi, thank you for your post. I haven't checked this site. Your expression "good on you" reminds me of the time I spent in Australia. I haven't heard that in years! Still haven't been to a meeting, but sober now for two weeks and I'm going, I really am, just haven't made the plunge. I know that when I do go it will be for keeps. It is a sad farewell to all those bottles of wine in the house and on the shelves of stores. Feels sad, you know? Thank you again.

Dee74

Congrats on your sober time ibsenplays!
I hope you make it to a meeting

Australia is awesome, isn't it?

D