Anodyne

I had this thought today, and I wrote it down. I thought I'd share for others in early recovery.

The alcoholic does not lose every craving he will ever have even after he has accepted step 1, regardless of how I feel now and have since I accepted I was powerless and would never be a normal drinker, I –will- have a craving again someday, probably many in the months of early sobriety to come.

I accept this as a fact and a part of the disease, not a character or moral failing on my part. That they will happen is not a detriment to my recovery, it is how I handle them that will be either positive or negative. Today I think toward the future, when I do get an inevitable craving, if it gets bad, I will do one of the following: 1. Talk to my mom about it. 2. Call someone from AA. 3. Call J. 4. Call Dr. O. 5. Go exercise or clean instead. 6. Drive over to the jail and take a good look at where I will be if I give in to the craving. The craving will pass, and I will have grown just a bit in my sobriety.

Boleo

That is why there are 11 more steps.

Anna

For me, losing cravings was a process.

They gradually lessened and then disappeared.

I am glad that you are prepared to face what comes your way!

Anodyne

Touche!

yeahgr8

Better get working through the other steps as quickly as possible and to the best of your ability, with your sponsor then:-)

But you are right, without a drastic personality change and spiritual experience you will be living dry with cravings for as long as you can manage doing some of the things you outlined below, it sucks ass and i did it many times before...good news is you get to choose which path you take now!

Dee74

Good to see you thinking about this Anodyne.

For me, it really is how I deal with those stresses and strains, those trigger points....

if I'm prepared for them and I'm working whatever my own personal programme is, I can stay confident I'll be ok...and you can be too

D

intention

Hi,

I think it is a good plan to have something practical in place for if a craving hits but put it aside when you don't need it.

Have you ever heard "you get what you think about whether you want it or not" ?

Anodyne

Thanks Dee (:
YeahGr8, I am sponsorless atm. I feel even though I have experience with AA in the past, and have strung together some fairly long sober runs, I'm too few days sober right now to ask my old sponsor, or to find another one yet.

Intention, I have, actually, heard that numerous times. I am still waiting for my Swedish triplets.

keithj

Good stuff, Anodyne.

Of course not. Where does knowing I'm powerless leave me? Defenseless and without power. But it also leaves me without options. How do I get the needed power? 'Well, that's exactly what this book (Big Book) is about. It's main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.'

Step 1 leads inevitably, without wiggle room, directly to Step 2. Now read the 10th Step promises which describe our reaction to booze and life. That's the expected result at that point. Nothing more required except doing the steps in between.

Quotes from BB 1st Ed.

intention

Mark75

Yea, Where keith is coming from is where I relate, I think

I figure that there will be those times... but since I have abdicated my choice to Him, I don't get to choose. And... I'm happy there, in Him.

Mark

Anodyne

That's one I've heard, and wondered about myself a bit..hence working the steps, the "If I am powerless, how does that lead me to not take the first drink? Not taking the first drink is the only way I can stay sober"

It seems almost self contradictory, that you have to be powerless not only over alcohol, but even over taking or not taking the first drink. That's why I like going to meetings and reading my daily, because like alcoholism is progressive, so is recovery, that's why the big book is big, and why steps need to be worked and studied.

I look at the people in AA, some of the counselors I see, some people here, and I think of them as "living proof." And that's what I want to be now, living proof for someone else someday when I can tell them all the hell I went through with alcohol, and now here I am, 6 years sober, 20 years sober, yes, still with trials in life, but sober trials, and success after success after success under my belt.

I know that is a long time away, but for me just that feeling is a big deal, because until saturday, I had always wanted to 'fix' my drinking enough to prove I was 'normal' and drink without the bad.

Oh, also, the Higher Power, mine is the Christian God, and I am struggling with that right now. Simply because of shame, of the feeling that I've been absent/ignoring for so long, why would He listen to me now? I know that's stinkin thinkin, and I have started talking to Him again, but I still feel incredible guilt and worthlessness and all that in that respect.

Mark75

Yea, that's how it works for me. It is a seeming paradox. Second and third (particularly third) steps.

Good stuff.

Mark

keithj

It doesn't. Powerlessness doesn't lead me to not take the first drink. It just defines it. I can't NOT drink. Powerless not to.

Powerlessness leads me to a dead end contained in the last paragraph on page 25. "If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help."

It's a dead end, binary system. Only two alternatives. Keep going on like you're going, or accept spiritual help.

The motivation for making that choice comes only because I've come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as I'd been living it (earlier on pg 25). And I'm willing to accept spiritual help because I saw that it really worked in others. Only then will I do the self searching, leveling of pride, and confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.

And it doesn't matter whether its a Christian God, pagan god, or some fuzzy ill defined 'power'. Doing those things that almost none of us likes will get you in touch with that power.

Dee74

I had a lot of problems with shame and self worth too...I'm not an AAer but I do believe in a God whose love and forgiveness is immense and limitless beyond my human understanding...knowing that and accepting it (and trying my best, in my own way, to atone for past behaviours) helps me a lot

D