call it what you want.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: around the riverbend in the boonedocks, USA
Posts: 56
call it what you want.
First off, I'd like to say sorry I don't get on here much and respond to other's post. For one it's hard for me to get on here, to much since I only have a computer while I work. Second I've found that if I don't get wrapped up into to much I can focus better.... I guess.
Yet yesterday was a really hard day for me. I feel that my co-workers do not realate to me at all, my best friends can't cause they are all caught up in their possible affairs they make or have taken on their husbands, which I strong disagree with. My family......well my one sister lives so far away, and is busy with her own life, my sister that lives cloest to me, only calls if she wants something, like watch her daughter, or use my truck. My dad is there for me, if I ask, but he has his own wieght on his shoulders of my achocolic mother, who is depressed, cause he has to work, and can't sit in the other room and watch t.v. while she hides out in her bedroom watching t.v.
Yesterday after work, which I'll get to here in a moment, and daycare, which I will tell that tale in a moment as well. I went to my mom and dad's, just felt I couldn't go home, right away, felt nothing but the liter box to take out and refill to look forward to!
My mom had said she had been crying yesterday as well, she hates that my dad had to go back to work. My mother has only had one job in her whole life. She says, she says! that she took care of the house, kids, supper, and worked on "that farm". Which is such ********... cause between those times where long out times of sleeping of the binges of booze and her coke days. In the past 3 years I've seen my mother break down from a nice looking woman to a woman I don't even notice, her hair looks bad, her eyes have bags, and her nose is purple all the time. She can't and won't get help. I worry and fear for if my father passes away first, he's ten years older then her. She said she just misses the comfort of compaionship. She cryed and said that TO ME! A 30 year old single parent of two daughters, divorced and still in love with her axh!!!! As I'm sitting there crying.
Crying, cause of loneliness... pure loneliness.
You know I can sit at this desk all day, and my only other female co-worker will not say a word to me! The guys they all just talk their manly b-****! That frankly makes me sick!
At daycare, I hear only of my daughters from my daycare provider if they do soemthing wrong, never "hey she did the funniest thing today'.... she is the ONLY provided in my local rural area!
My daugthers.... are big manipulaters, and work me over, already at the age of 3 and 6. I have to say everything 3 times, before finally leading them to... put their shoes and coats on to leave the house.
On top of this, friday will be the X's 30 days... in rehab, for the second time. I'm thinking of turning my phone of for a few days! I wrote him a note, kind of like I would do in and intervention.... I can't seem to find the nerve to send it to him... I still hold out hope.... hope that he'll love me like I long to be loved!
I know need concuiling, therapy. I just don't... I don't have the money or the time. I know I should make the effort.... yet, the only place in my county is the health center, and didn't get much there my last time. I know reason's not to all the time!
Usually days aren't so ruff.... but lately when they hit me they hit bad!
Thanks for letting me vent...... I feel you all can relater.....
Cheers to better dayz for all of us!
take care,
Kota
Yet yesterday was a really hard day for me. I feel that my co-workers do not realate to me at all, my best friends can't cause they are all caught up in their possible affairs they make or have taken on their husbands, which I strong disagree with. My family......well my one sister lives so far away, and is busy with her own life, my sister that lives cloest to me, only calls if she wants something, like watch her daughter, or use my truck. My dad is there for me, if I ask, but he has his own wieght on his shoulders of my achocolic mother, who is depressed, cause he has to work, and can't sit in the other room and watch t.v. while she hides out in her bedroom watching t.v.
Yesterday after work, which I'll get to here in a moment, and daycare, which I will tell that tale in a moment as well. I went to my mom and dad's, just felt I couldn't go home, right away, felt nothing but the liter box to take out and refill to look forward to!
My mom had said she had been crying yesterday as well, she hates that my dad had to go back to work. My mother has only had one job in her whole life. She says, she says! that she took care of the house, kids, supper, and worked on "that farm". Which is such ********... cause between those times where long out times of sleeping of the binges of booze and her coke days. In the past 3 years I've seen my mother break down from a nice looking woman to a woman I don't even notice, her hair looks bad, her eyes have bags, and her nose is purple all the time. She can't and won't get help. I worry and fear for if my father passes away first, he's ten years older then her. She said she just misses the comfort of compaionship. She cryed and said that TO ME! A 30 year old single parent of two daughters, divorced and still in love with her axh!!!! As I'm sitting there crying.
Crying, cause of loneliness... pure loneliness.
You know I can sit at this desk all day, and my only other female co-worker will not say a word to me! The guys they all just talk their manly b-****! That frankly makes me sick!
At daycare, I hear only of my daughters from my daycare provider if they do soemthing wrong, never "hey she did the funniest thing today'.... she is the ONLY provided in my local rural area!
My daugthers.... are big manipulaters, and work me over, already at the age of 3 and 6. I have to say everything 3 times, before finally leading them to... put their shoes and coats on to leave the house.
On top of this, friday will be the X's 30 days... in rehab, for the second time. I'm thinking of turning my phone of for a few days! I wrote him a note, kind of like I would do in and intervention.... I can't seem to find the nerve to send it to him... I still hold out hope.... hope that he'll love me like I long to be loved!
I know need concuiling, therapy. I just don't... I don't have the money or the time. I know I should make the effort.... yet, the only place in my county is the health center, and didn't get much there my last time. I know reason's not to all the time!
Usually days aren't so ruff.... but lately when they hit me they hit bad!
Thanks for letting me vent...... I feel you all can relater.....
Cheers to better dayz for all of us!
take care,
Kota
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Kota - Have you ever thought about moving to another area? Taking some online courses? As a single mom, you may very well qualify for some grants or scholarships. What would you like to be doing with your life if you could do anything?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
It takes a great deal of stress and anxiety to get to me these days. I used to live in that state every day back before my recovery began.
Of course, when I do feel lonley or deeply sad, it can catch me kind of off guard and I plummet quickly into a pile of tears and retreat to bed.
Just as these feelings come on, they pass. I have learned healthier ways to deal with stress and anxiety and sadness and that makes it all the more short-lived.
IMO, this is one of those rough patches for you. Maybe your strength is down from work and kids and family that you need some time to recharge even if it's just 30 minutes alone with your thoughts making some positive affirmations for yourself.
You are never really alone. There are those of out here who are walking the same path alone. Some are raising children, working retched jobs, dealing with dysfunctional family members. Some are just trying to make ends meet by themselves without anyone but the internet to talk to. We are out here. We are an army of recovering souls who are trying just as you are to keep from unraveling.
You are never really alone. I hope you can take some comfort in that.
These feelings will pass. You will help them pass with healthy choices and your SR family can help you discover those choices if you so desire.
My hugs to you!!
Alice
Of course, when I do feel lonley or deeply sad, it can catch me kind of off guard and I plummet quickly into a pile of tears and retreat to bed.
Just as these feelings come on, they pass. I have learned healthier ways to deal with stress and anxiety and sadness and that makes it all the more short-lived.
IMO, this is one of those rough patches for you. Maybe your strength is down from work and kids and family that you need some time to recharge even if it's just 30 minutes alone with your thoughts making some positive affirmations for yourself.
You are never really alone. There are those of out here who are walking the same path alone. Some are raising children, working retched jobs, dealing with dysfunctional family members. Some are just trying to make ends meet by themselves without anyone but the internet to talk to. We are out here. We are an army of recovering souls who are trying just as you are to keep from unraveling.
You are never really alone. I hope you can take some comfort in that.
These feelings will pass. You will help them pass with healthy choices and your SR family can help you discover those choices if you so desire.
My hugs to you!!
Alice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: around the riverbend in the boonedocks, USA
Posts: 56
Tell ya the truth, I don't believe moving solves any problems. Problems are inside of us.
Also I own my home, and am a single parent, I don't see how to do that. I love my home!!! Which holds me up alot, specially if I would someday meet someone... I'm not moving, I love this area, it's my home. Can't say I care for society, around here, but anywhere else your going to find the same, bs.
I am a semester away from having my degree in early childhood development, but I don't feel I'm at the point in my life to go back to school, or get back into that profession, when I'm so short wicked with my own children, at times.
I do many self help books..... I guess maybe this is just a time that comes around... where I get down.
Two of my friends told me to get out there, and find someone.... laughted till I pee'd my pants (not for real) about that.
I got about 6k back on my taxs, yet I save it all back for my house payments for the year, if I didn't I couldn't make it. I have a truck payment as well, and I don't get any child support!
My dream, is to be happy! I want to be at home, enjoying it, working in the yard I love! That's really all my goals. I mean I have my "list" I want to go to some rock concerts, and I HAVE to take my girls to the zoo this summer, since I didn't last year.
I don't think my children need a special needs class, they are very very smart, and they are good kids, they just have their moments.... of crazyness, which is not a surpise after what they have gone threw, with this family in their small lives. It's just hard... hard being a single parent.... I wish that on no one!
Also I own my home, and am a single parent, I don't see how to do that. I love my home!!! Which holds me up alot, specially if I would someday meet someone... I'm not moving, I love this area, it's my home. Can't say I care for society, around here, but anywhere else your going to find the same, bs.
I am a semester away from having my degree in early childhood development, but I don't feel I'm at the point in my life to go back to school, or get back into that profession, when I'm so short wicked with my own children, at times.
I do many self help books..... I guess maybe this is just a time that comes around... where I get down.
Two of my friends told me to get out there, and find someone.... laughted till I pee'd my pants (not for real) about that.
I got about 6k back on my taxs, yet I save it all back for my house payments for the year, if I didn't I couldn't make it. I have a truck payment as well, and I don't get any child support!
My dream, is to be happy! I want to be at home, enjoying it, working in the yard I love! That's really all my goals. I mean I have my "list" I want to go to some rock concerts, and I HAVE to take my girls to the zoo this summer, since I didn't last year.
I don't think my children need a special needs class, they are very very smart, and they are good kids, they just have their moments.... of crazyness, which is not a surpise after what they have gone threw, with this family in their small lives. It's just hard... hard being a single parent.... I wish that on no one!
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