Santana

Hi, all. I'm new here, and I figured turning here might be a good idea to get everything out and get some support and help.

Almost a year and a half ago, my father passed away after alcoholism took it's toll on him (a liver shut down turned into a full-organ shutdown). His father--my grandfather--is an alcoholic. He's rather rude to my grandmother--apparently always has been since alcoholism took over--and I can't stand to sit by and watch. My uncle is also a drinker, and I'm worried for their health.

I don't really know what to do. I realize I can't force them into quitting, and you can't help those who don't want to be helped, but I don't want to sit by and let two more loved ones slip through my fingers the same way my father did.

I guess I'm just in some need of advice on how to handle this situation, as my friends don't exactly know what to say about this sort of thing. Any help much appreciated.

Much love, Santana.

coffeedrinker

Hey there Santana,

have you ever checked out al-anon, or acoa? it is a good source of support, and there is a lot to learn about this as a family disease.

Pelican

Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!

You will find information and support for yourself here. We also have a section for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) and you will find support there as well.

I am sorry about your father's death from his alcoholism. I am also sorry that you have other loved ones active in their addiction to alcohol.

There really isn't anything you can do to make the others change. I wanted my loved one to change and I tried everything I could imagine to bring about that change. I came here and learned about the 3 c's of addiction:

I didn't cause it
I can't control it
I won't cure it

I was trying to control and cure another adult. I did not want someone trying to control and cure me of a problem I didn't acknowledge (codependency and my own alcoholism), therefore, I had to learn to let go and let the other adults in my life choose their own path.

It is difficult to detach but it helps me take better care of the only person I can control and cure: ME!

We're glad you found us and we are here to support you.

Spiritual Seeker

If only you could save them from themselves.
Have a very real no BS conversation with ea. of them.
Ask ea. of them if they want to get sober and if they want some help.

If they don't you will have to practice detachment.

Santana

Coffeedrinker: No I have not, but I might just skim through there and find some stuff out.

Pelican: You are definitely right; I cannot cure them, they have to cure themselves.

Spiritual Seeker: That's an excellent idea--I might just try that. Wouldn't hurt to have a no BS conversation.

Thank you, all.

Much love,
Santana.

MissFixit

Hey Santana,

I like your name!

Please keep posting. There are many wise folks here.

I also recommend attending al anon.

Miss

Santana

Thank you, MissFixit! And yes, that sounds like a good idea. I might just look into that. Thank you, everybody, who's responded!

Much love,
Santana.

Shuvanhi

I am kind of in the same boat.. It is hard to detach yourself without feeling guilty. The articles here are helping me.. I wish the same for you. May you find the strength in these hard times.
:ghug3

Santana

I'm sorry that you're in the same boat, Shuvanhi, and thank you. I hope for the best for all of your friends and relatives as well!


Much love, always,
Santana.