Recap of Crazy Weekend. I will need continuing support
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Recap of Crazy Weekend. I will need continuing support
Facts:
H has bipolar and major drinking problem, but appears normal
We are separated, divorce pending
He never misses a visit with kids
Kids are 8, 7 and 2
I had plans to go on a trip to Playa del Carmen, Mexico as a 40th b'day getaway with girlfriends from college.
Thursday
5 p.m. H doesn't show up to pick up kids
I call his mom. I have plans. She takes kids.
I know something is wrong as he does not miss visitation.
My trip is scheduled for Friday.
11 p.m. No word on H.
Numerous friends called, no sign of him.
Friday
7 a.m. I cancel plane reservation.
(It is his weekend for visitation)
8 a.m. Father in Law finds H at their family's ranch
Hungry, cold, unbathed, incoherent, lost his keys and his phone
Bring him in to parents' house
call psychiatrist, prescribe anti-psychotic
Sunday night
MIL declares that he has had amazing recovery
He needed sleep and good food
Monday
H back at work
Emails me and asks to pick up son for scouts
I say "no"
He respectfully disagrees
I say all visitation at the home of his parents
(Tues and Thurs 5-8)
He says he is fine and feels great.
So, here we are. It's Tuesday. His mom agrees to host visitation, but is concerned that H will be "frustrated" by not getting all his visitation rights back before he can see his psychiatrist. It may not be until next week.
(She is afraid of his anger, I think).
Guess who is overreacting in this scenario? You know it's me, right?
H has bipolar and major drinking problem, but appears normal
We are separated, divorce pending
He never misses a visit with kids
Kids are 8, 7 and 2
I had plans to go on a trip to Playa del Carmen, Mexico as a 40th b'day getaway with girlfriends from college.
Thursday
5 p.m. H doesn't show up to pick up kids
I call his mom. I have plans. She takes kids.
I know something is wrong as he does not miss visitation.
My trip is scheduled for Friday.
11 p.m. No word on H.
Numerous friends called, no sign of him.
Friday
7 a.m. I cancel plane reservation.
(It is his weekend for visitation)
8 a.m. Father in Law finds H at their family's ranch
Hungry, cold, unbathed, incoherent, lost his keys and his phone
Bring him in to parents' house
call psychiatrist, prescribe anti-psychotic
Sunday night
MIL declares that he has had amazing recovery
He needed sleep and good food
Monday
H back at work
Emails me and asks to pick up son for scouts
I say "no"
He respectfully disagrees
I say all visitation at the home of his parents
(Tues and Thurs 5-8)
He says he is fine and feels great.
So, here we are. It's Tuesday. His mom agrees to host visitation, but is concerned that H will be "frustrated" by not getting all his visitation rights back before he can see his psychiatrist. It may not be until next week.
(She is afraid of his anger, I think).
Guess who is overreacting in this scenario? You know it's me, right?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn
Posts: 324
Wow. Yeah, you are well within your rights to insist on supervised visitation. And of course he is going to make it all YOUR fault. You know better!
Is there a formal visitation schedule from the court yet, or is this mutually agreed upon until formalized? You might consider getting an emergency custody order just in case. He is not stable.
Is there a formal visitation schedule from the court yet, or is this mutually agreed upon until formalized? You might consider getting an emergency custody order just in case. He is not stable.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Holy cow that's scary.
You're not over-reacting. In fact you seem excessively calm and collected. I'd be going mad if I were in your shoes.
Most definitely see about some kind of temporary custody order. He does not seem stable enough to be taking care of children.
You're not over-reacting. In fact you seem excessively calm and collected. I'd be going mad if I were in your shoes.
Most definitely see about some kind of temporary custody order. He does not seem stable enough to be taking care of children.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Please allow that this is my humble opinion and I am in a bit of a hard-nosed mood this morning......
No unsupervised visits, and I'd sue him for the cost of the plane tickets.
It sounds as though your response was just perfect...! Hugs, HG
No unsupervised visits, and I'd sue him for the cost of the plane tickets.
It sounds as though your response was just perfect...! Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Would be interesting to find out what would make a seemingly functional bipolar addict decide to go off the boil one weekend. And it just happens to be the weekend you fly off for a gir's trip to Mexico?? I agree that there may a connection between the two.
Whether there is or isn't, he has lost his "functional" status and he's stuck with supervised visits or none at all. He can stick his anger in his ear.
When it comes right down to it. Children depend on parents to function every day. The last thing that excuses a parent from managing their children is a tantrum. Can't just have a fit and leave them to fend for themselves. That ludicrous.
I applaud you for letting go of your plans and just taking care of business. Now you know next time you want to get away to plan for someone actually reliable to watch the kids.
Alice
Whether there is or isn't, he has lost his "functional" status and he's stuck with supervised visits or none at all. He can stick his anger in his ear.
When it comes right down to it. Children depend on parents to function every day. The last thing that excuses a parent from managing their children is a tantrum. Can't just have a fit and leave them to fend for themselves. That ludicrous.
I applaud you for letting go of your plans and just taking care of business. Now you know next time you want to get away to plan for someone actually reliable to watch the kids.
Alice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
I don't think he knew of my plans. I kept them very, very quiet. Mostly because it's none of his business what I'm doing.
Yeah, I will be bringing up the cost of the plane tix and non-refundable hotel rooms. Just not right now.
This board has been a Godsend to me. Learning about and discussing boundaries; lessons in detachment; learning to put yourself and your children in front of the alcoholic; stepping away from the alcoholic, etc.
My boundary is that my children will not be with him unsupervised until I feel comfortable with it. And I am not comfortable with it now.
And I let go of the outcome:
He will be mad
His mother will be offended and scared of his anger
My kids want to see Daddy
I have significantly less free time
But the boundary is in place and that helps me put everything else in perspective.
Yeah, I will be bringing up the cost of the plane tix and non-refundable hotel rooms. Just not right now.
This board has been a Godsend to me. Learning about and discussing boundaries; lessons in detachment; learning to put yourself and your children in front of the alcoholic; stepping away from the alcoholic, etc.
My boundary is that my children will not be with him unsupervised until I feel comfortable with it. And I am not comfortable with it now.
And I let go of the outcome:
He will be mad
His mother will be offended and scared of his anger
My kids want to see Daddy
I have significantly less free time
But the boundary is in place and that helps me put everything else in perspective.
You're super mom in my books.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Originally Posted by Cowgirl1265 
Wow. Yeah, you are well within your rights to insist on supervised visitation. And of course he is going to make it all YOUR fault. You know better!
Is there a formal visitation schedule from the court yet, or is this mutually agreed upon until formalized? You might consider getting an emergency custody order just in case. He is not stable.
Is there a formal visitation schedule from the court yet, or is this mutually agreed upon until formalized? You might consider getting an emergency custody order just in case. He is not stable.
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