Redheadsusie

My Ah is so depressed. Always has been now that I think about it. He also smokes weed and that along with the drinking makes his life miserable. I now don't let his constant depressed attitude bother me. I just do my own thing- it means we spend zero time together as he is upset all the time. His job is awful, his kids never call, his life with me and my sons is awful- we gang up on him- the country is screwed up - professional athletes are spoiled - the neighbors are jerks, I could go on and on and on. What the hell do you say to that. I just say mmm.

Today is his birthday- he sat around depressed all day. His daughters called - that should make him happy. His parents asked him down to their house and gave him gifts.... NICE.....he did not have to work. that is good....he went to the gym---great---- wait - everyone there was old.....
someone asked him to play basketball and he could not (because he is fat - due to the pot and the alcohol) . When I came home he said his day was another day. He was sitting looked totally rejected and depressed.

We went to dinner and he complained ..complained...complained. Everything was wrong.. How can you complain at a birthday dinner with your lady eating steak and conversing. We were leaving and I say You know I am getting good at Texas Hold Em ( I play on line) and my best 2 lady friends (1 is married - 1 is not) are playing Texas Hold Em at a bar every week. I would love to play sometime. I never never go out- Not my Thing! He says - Well you should - you will be single soon so why not you can look for men. WTH?

I am so tired of always trying to make him happy- he is clinically depressed- we know that - has tried suicide - still smokes mj and drinks every day. He is responsible for his own happiness. I can't make him happy if he hates himself.
Now he is pissed that I won't come to bed at 8 pm to have sex - my son is awake and my belly is upset from dinner. He says that is my excuse. What a twit.

Just saying..................

GiveLove

Someone who's clinically depressed who continually pours depressants into his body. Now THERE'S a good combination, hm?

Hoping you don't choose to live like this forever. It's no way to spend the best years of your life, in my humblest of opinions.

Hugs,
GL

FindingPeace1

why are you with him?

Gold

Oh Red How sad.

I hope you can move on from this man. Its hard but its gotta be better than this.

Jadmack25

I am sorry you are faced with this daily doom and gloom, it must be such a miserable time to have it in your face day after day.

Without treatment it will continue, and could end very badly.

I don't know how you can go on with this, without it affecting you and your son in some way, and really I don't understand why you would want to.

Unless he takes action and seeks help, you will see nothing change for him.
Unless you take action, you will see nothing change for you.
You cannot save him, but you can save yourself and your son, and I hope you do it very soon.

God bless

FindingPeace1

I didn't mean to be callous. I really would like to know his other side.
That sounds like NO FUN and I would expect, you feel sorry for him, as I feel sorry for my depressed husband. I feel bad that he is miserable.
I keep telling myself that the problem with that is a relationship not based on mutual respect has a problem.
Mine won't get help of any kind. Yours, too?
What do YOU want in a relationship and a partner?

Redheadsusie

Well- Of course he will not get help -then if he felt better what could he complain about. This keeps him the victim. Oh whoa am I - my wife is mean - my step kids are mean (they are not)- whoa whoa whoa. he can be so funny when he is sober - so fun- he laughs. I am very childlike and he would seem to be happy with me. I want a partner who will watch tv with me- who will do anything with me that does not involve drinking - anything. Nothing we do together is without him drinking so I do very very little with him anymore. I am ACOA. I am very affected by drinking- . My parents are both dying and still drinking 9 gallons of crap wine a week - 9!!!!! What do I do for fun? I spend time visiting my sons college and watching ball games and my other son the Senior and I here do lots of fun stuff. We travel, go to NBA games, Go to Buffalo Wild Wings and play Trivia - hang out and watch movies. Go to Water Parks, Disneyworld whatever! He literally - comes home - drinks on the way - gets here - bitches about his boss- bitches about his body hurting - his co workers- then the government - the neighbors whatever. I sell real estate and I try to make conversation like I am assuming normal people do (whatever normal is) - like tonight talking about getting a lot to perk- pretty mundane stuff - how can you get pissed about that right? well- somehow he got fired up about septic systems and how the septic men are trying to screw the world over. I just stared at him. WTH? I told him he needed to find his happy place - kind of kidding - in a light hearted way - It was funny. Well - He went off- told me expects nothing out of me cause that is what he gets- NOTHING. Told me his birthday dinner last night sucked with me - brought up the fact he wanted sex for his birthday - that was it and didn't get it. Then he had the nerve to ask me to have sex with him again. Oh I would love to I said. NOT. I told him you can't be a jerk to someone say mean things and then want them to get naked. He then went to bed - a late night for him 7:30- I knew he had been drinking or smoking. Made a mystery trip to his truck to get his power gun earlier - I guess that is code for BONG! Why am I here - I don't know - same old crap- Parents are both terminally ill - in real estate - I am doing great but afraid of unsteady income. You can only deal with so much at one time. For now - I stay and spend time with my 2 wonderful sons, my 2 wonderful dogs and play Texax Hold Em on line and work lots. My life is good- I am blessed in so many ways. I do feel sorry for him but will not grow old with him. I would rot if I was sick - he would not help me most likely would be drunk on the boat. He is a sad man- you see it in his face. When I met him - he was fit and happier and you could see some light in there - Now it is darkness and sadness. He says it is me - I know better . To sum the enabling he gets (not from me)- his Mother tells everyone to this day and I quote " He was premature - I feel guilty about it and have done eveything I can since the day he was born to make him happy". He is 47 and weighs 250. I think he overcame the prematurity. His Mom and I don't speak anymore after she told me to shut up for trying to get him help. Good Lord. Repeat Positivity breeds positivity.

FindingPeace1

So you stick with him because your parents are terminally ill and you are afraid of an unsteady income?
What about making a plan to secure a more steady income?

I would hazard a guess, because I do this, too, that you get something out of the position you are in.
You benefit from the complaining.
I just recently began to realize, there is a part of me that LIKES when my husband is a punk, because it JUSTIFIES my righteousness and longsuffering. It makes me feel superior.
That's a heavy thing to look at. But consider it as a possibility.

Insulated

Alcohol is a depressant, no? Weed causes anxiety. Go play Texas Hold'em with your friends. Get busy living your life. Misery loves company and he'd like your company more if you were miserable. Getting out and doing your thing will be the best boundary you could ever lay down.

Redheadsusie

Wifeofa drinker writes "So you stick with him because your parents are terminally ill and you are afraid of an unsteady income?" . Pretty harsh message. I stick here now because I can only take so much - I can't add leaving to my plate right now or might crack. Not very supportive. Mean. Won't post for a while.

isurvived

Sometimes the answer is to painful to accept. Time will fix that hopefully.

FindingPeace1

I totally own it and I'm sorry. I am so sorry you felt I was mean. I am sorry it didn't feel good. It was harsh.

Please don't let my message, or anyone else's scare you away from this wonderful place.

As they say, take what you want and leave the rest.
Feel free to leave my ideas behind.

I would guess that your partner's behavior pushed my own buttons. My husband is depressed. I feel frustrated about it and your husband's post brought that up.

I also see your feeling stuck and that pushes my buttons about my own feeling stuck - my own inaction. My own complaints.

They say we should speak from our OWN experience and I stopped doing that with you.

Take my heartfelt apology.

Peace.

w