So tell me, how does it feel? (Just a vent & a rant)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
So tell me, how does it feel? (Just a vent & a rant)
Just a rant to get it off my chest...nothing more. Just a vent to get it out of my system. This is what I'd love to say to AH
How does it feel to be excluded from your family? How does it feel to be looked on with contempt? How does it feel to only have your son wanting anything to do with you? How does it feel to have finally sucueeded in making me hate you? To have F*&%@D up one too many times? Did you really think that this would'nt happen? You must think I am the stupidest b&*$% ever
How does it feel to have to pay your own way, think about things like food & paying your court fees now that your "nurse with a purse" has turned her back on you? No more buying your food & cigarretes and making it easy for you to lay around and concentrate on nothing except how to buy your pills? I see you've set up camp in the shop without discussing it with me, let it be known you'd better get your crap together because it won't last long.
Your son said at the dinner table that you told him you have figured things out, that with your buddy holding onto your meds you've magically discovered that less meds work as well. Did you tell him to say that to us? Do you honestly beleive you are all better?
I have news for you, you aren't working on this "control problem" you have, you aren't working a recovery, you are only doing this because you have no other option right now, if you had options you'd still be binging.
I will face the aftershocks from peeps that don't know any better about throwing you out of here. How sad, she won't help him get better, yadayadayada. They have no clue, let them put up with what these kids and I have and then let them spout thier opinions.
Your drug use has put us through hell and we won't deal with it anymore.
Ok, Whew!!!!!! I feel better, just needed to spout that out. Now I am off to Alanon, really need to work on these anger issues.
Thanks,
Teggie
How does it feel to be excluded from your family? How does it feel to be looked on with contempt? How does it feel to only have your son wanting anything to do with you? How does it feel to have finally sucueeded in making me hate you? To have F*&%@D up one too many times? Did you really think that this would'nt happen? You must think I am the stupidest b&*$% ever
How does it feel to have to pay your own way, think about things like food & paying your court fees now that your "nurse with a purse" has turned her back on you? No more buying your food & cigarretes and making it easy for you to lay around and concentrate on nothing except how to buy your pills? I see you've set up camp in the shop without discussing it with me, let it be known you'd better get your crap together because it won't last long.
Your son said at the dinner table that you told him you have figured things out, that with your buddy holding onto your meds you've magically discovered that less meds work as well. Did you tell him to say that to us? Do you honestly beleive you are all better?
I have news for you, you aren't working on this "control problem" you have, you aren't working a recovery, you are only doing this because you have no other option right now, if you had options you'd still be binging.
I will face the aftershocks from peeps that don't know any better about throwing you out of here. How sad, she won't help him get better, yadayadayada. They have no clue, let them put up with what these kids and I have and then let them spout thier opinions.
Your drug use has put us through hell and we won't deal with it anymore.
Ok, Whew!!!!!! I feel better, just needed to spout that out. Now I am off to Alanon, really need to work on these anger issues.
Thanks,
Teggie
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Oh Teggie - I would love to join you in this thread in a bit, but wait...
I have to get a house picked up, kids in the tub, double check homework, brush teeth, feed the dog, throw wood in the stove, deal with cranksters because as soon as I pry myself from the keyboard I have to go shut off the Jonas Brothers tv show (God forbid!) and get my kids moving. Chore charts need completed, reading calanders need filled out. DS needs a hair cut, both of them need their finger/toenails trimmed, they haven't taken their vitamins today yet. DD has NO socks because laundry is falling behind. DS is Howdy Partner this week @ school and he has to get all of his stuff together for that. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Just wanted ya to know you're not alone. Addiction sucks. It sucks the life out of everyone involved. When I walked down that aisle and said for better or for worse...I didn't know the worse would be a living hell. Hugs to you Teggie. I get it. Really I do.
I have to get a house picked up, kids in the tub, double check homework, brush teeth, feed the dog, throw wood in the stove, deal with cranksters because as soon as I pry myself from the keyboard I have to go shut off the Jonas Brothers tv show (God forbid!) and get my kids moving. Chore charts need completed, reading calanders need filled out. DS needs a hair cut, both of them need their finger/toenails trimmed, they haven't taken their vitamins today yet. DD has NO socks because laundry is falling behind. DS is Howdy Partner this week @ school and he has to get all of his stuff together for that. Etc. Etc. Etc.
Just wanted ya to know you're not alone. Addiction sucks. It sucks the life out of everyone involved. When I walked down that aisle and said for better or for worse...I didn't know the worse would be a living hell. Hugs to you Teggie. I get it. Really I do.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
And to add to this...
I hope Teggies AH and Callies AH are having a fine time running the streets scoring or as in AH's case lying on the couch @ his mom's surfing tv channels. Doesn't he know that I have TONS of Greys Anatomy/Desperate Housewives/Real Housewives of Orange County AND Oprah that I'm behind on?
I hope Teggies AH and Callies AH are having a fine time running the streets scoring or as in AH's case lying on the couch @ his mom's surfing tv channels. Doesn't he know that I have TONS of Greys Anatomy/Desperate Housewives/Real Housewives of Orange County AND Oprah that I'm behind on?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Teggie, I was about to get out the bunny slippers to give you a little "nudge"...then I got to the part about you going to a meetings and I knew that you've already figured out what works for you.
So take a hug instead, and enjoy your meeting.
Hugs
So take a hug instead, and enjoy your meeting.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
So sorry to alarm you Ann. That is just my way of casting out unhealthy anger in a safe, neutral environment so that it doesn't fester inside of me.
It's good therapy and really helps me. I read it later and tell myself WOW!! Aren't you glad you got that out of your system!
(((((Callie)))) I know you get it, really get it. We'll get through this won't we?
Such a good meeting tonight! I always feel better after a meeting.
Hugs,
Teggie
It's good therapy and really helps me. I read it later and tell myself WOW!! Aren't you glad you got that out of your system!
(((((Callie)))) I know you get it, really get it. We'll get through this won't we?
Such a good meeting tonight! I always feel better after a meeting.
Hugs,
Teggie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Teggie)) - I'm so glad you went to a meeting and it was a good one.
I can tell you what I felt like as an active addict in answer to your questions, except the part about the kids, as I don't have any. I didn't think about any of that stuff...if I did, I just got high, really quick to NOT think about it. That was MY coping mechanism.
When I got clean and left my XABF behind because he was still using, even knowing all this I had the same questions for MY XABF and I quickly learned, here on this forum, that I had to work on me. You're doing that, and I understand the vent. It takes time for us to focus on us, work through the feelings of anger and betrayal, but as long as we ARE working on us, we do get to a point where it doesn't consume us like it did. I eventually got to a point where I just felt sad for him and compassion as I would have for anyone who was throwing his life away. I still loved him, but knew we would not be together. This took time and distance.
Keep up with your meetings and working on you and the kids.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I can tell you what I felt like as an active addict in answer to your questions, except the part about the kids, as I don't have any. I didn't think about any of that stuff...if I did, I just got high, really quick to NOT think about it. That was MY coping mechanism.
When I got clean and left my XABF behind because he was still using, even knowing all this I had the same questions for MY XABF and I quickly learned, here on this forum, that I had to work on me. You're doing that, and I understand the vent. It takes time for us to focus on us, work through the feelings of anger and betrayal, but as long as we ARE working on us, we do get to a point where it doesn't consume us like it did. I eventually got to a point where I just felt sad for him and compassion as I would have for anyone who was throwing his life away. I still loved him, but knew we would not be together. This took time and distance.
Keep up with your meetings and working on you and the kids.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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