He's Avoiding Reality...Again
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 93
He's Avoiding Reality...Again
First, it's been two weeks tomorrow since serving AH. He left 4 days after I served him and just came back last tuesday. Nice and peaceful it was! Anyway...in those two weeks he was away I was notified by the IRS that they were going to levy my wages due to taxes that I nievely thought were being paid, was paid a visit from the Sheriff with the date of the sheriff's sale of our home and lots of other knocks on the door from people looking for AH. When I mentioned these things to AH...he didn't care. I'm not surprised but c'mon...leaving me to deal with everything.
We now got an offer on our cabin and AH refuses to counter...he wants full price which is NOT realistic. He doesn't want to deal with it...wants to use the cabin for the summer and risk getting no other offer (and the bank is about to take that too). OK...we need that money! I don't mean to sound greedy but we're swimming in a sea of debt.
Today I tried to talk to him about it...convince him that our daughter will need a roof over her head and someday go to college. I told him that some of that money would help him re-start his business. I have to turn it into a benefit for him or he'll hear nothing. Then, I brought up us.
I figured he didn't know that he actually had to do something with the divorce papers. He said he's sick of me bugging him all the time (about treatment). I told him that he doesn't want to go...that he doesn't want to make himself healthy and save his marriage. He was being selfish. He said 'yup' and I said then so am I. I want a divorce, I've started the proceedings, I won't back down, I'm going to be selfish. I did figure that he didn't know that the divorce proceeds whether he wants it to or not so I reminded him that he has until the 12th to respond or default. He asked what would happen and I told him they would set a court date. He said he won't show up and I told him then I get all I've asked for. He said 'whatever, just get away from me'. And now he's gone. Told us he won't be back for a long time (yeah for me). But with my luck he'll be home tonight.
Seriously, I've asked this question before but I'm still confused. How is it that an alcoholic doesn't wake up in the morning and have a moment of clarity in their mind about responsibility? I know that's a stupid question...maybe I just need to be reminded of the answer.
We now got an offer on our cabin and AH refuses to counter...he wants full price which is NOT realistic. He doesn't want to deal with it...wants to use the cabin for the summer and risk getting no other offer (and the bank is about to take that too). OK...we need that money! I don't mean to sound greedy but we're swimming in a sea of debt.
Today I tried to talk to him about it...convince him that our daughter will need a roof over her head and someday go to college. I told him that some of that money would help him re-start his business. I have to turn it into a benefit for him or he'll hear nothing. Then, I brought up us.
I figured he didn't know that he actually had to do something with the divorce papers. He said he's sick of me bugging him all the time (about treatment). I told him that he doesn't want to go...that he doesn't want to make himself healthy and save his marriage. He was being selfish. He said 'yup' and I said then so am I. I want a divorce, I've started the proceedings, I won't back down, I'm going to be selfish. I did figure that he didn't know that the divorce proceeds whether he wants it to or not so I reminded him that he has until the 12th to respond or default. He asked what would happen and I told him they would set a court date. He said he won't show up and I told him then I get all I've asked for. He said 'whatever, just get away from me'. And now he's gone. Told us he won't be back for a long time (yeah for me). But with my luck he'll be home tonight.
Seriously, I've asked this question before but I'm still confused. How is it that an alcoholic doesn't wake up in the morning and have a moment of clarity in their mind about responsibility? I know that's a stupid question...maybe I just need to be reminded of the answer.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
rdy4change...I'm so sorry you have to deal with this on top of divorcing your
AH.
Is there any way to separate yourself financially from AH (more than what you've already done) so you're not continually paying for his lack of responsibility? Do you need the money that will come from the sale of your house and cabin? Are you able to start over, financially speaking, without AH in your life?
Seems like it would be way less stressful that way...
Your AH obviously isn't going to wake up anytime soon because he loves his booze more than anything, and he lives in the Magical Land of Alcoholic Chocolates where everything is fine
AH.
Is there any way to separate yourself financially from AH (more than what you've already done) so you're not continually paying for his lack of responsibility? Do you need the money that will come from the sale of your house and cabin? Are you able to start over, financially speaking, without AH in your life?
Seems like it would be way less stressful that way...
Your AH obviously isn't going to wake up anytime soon because he loves his booze more than anything, and he lives in the Magical Land of Alcoholic Chocolates where everything is fine
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I am a recovering alcodependentcoaholicaddict and I think he knows , he just can't face reality. He has to blame stuff on you to deflect what he has done. They say they/we have the core of a child, or are about the age emotionally we were when we sarted using. Using is a temporary escape from reality. I don't know if it is a disease,an illness,an allergy, genetic moral weakness or what.....bt when I was in active addiction it was cunning baffling, and powerful. In Va.we say...".the disease is out there doing pushups" getting stronger everyday.....I think of it as the devil. Why I escaped and my XAH didn't, I do not know. I did it without treatment, I just did AA. I was a major pothead and drank....but not enough to require detox. When I was in active addiction I was not in reality. I was functional....a health teacher....Ha.....but was an emotional baby. God, AA and Alanon and therapy have helped me get back to reality. Addiction was like drowning. Recovery is like a hand out. Addiction was like selfishland.....When will I get my next buzz....? Me....Me...Me! I love you but I love IT more because it puts me out of my reality. My reality wasn't that bad, really I see now, and today my highs aren't as high but my lows are not as low. My brain is clearing 5 1/2 yrs. and I am beginning to see thereality.....the code X marriage hard to understand..... but progress over perfection......I'm still on the 1st. step there.
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